Judge — June 15, 1907 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

LIMERICK LIVES OF THE ILLUSTRIOUS. - on) IS for “ Teddy" and Taft, Who manage to handle their craft— The old ship of state As cap'n and mate, With a very clean deck ‘fore and aft. U5 for cate “Uncle Joe," Whose “Cannon-aid” isn’t so slow. He takes mighty pleasure In shelling each measure ‘That he reckons ain't quite fit to go.” V3 the Vanderbilt chap, Strewing motors all over the map. For horrible spills And occasional * kills” His cup-hunters don’t give a rap. W "S Eaperer « eel . it THE INSTALLMENT PLAN. pose mustachios give-us a. thrill: “Gladys says she wishes she had bought the duke on the installment plan."* His troops “* Hoch der Kaiser," “How so?” P Or gurgle ** Aye, aye, sir!” “Why, then all she'd have to do would be to stop payment, and they'd take &. him away.” Whenever he scolds them at drill. BANK-PRESIDENT ASKS A FAVOR. 44M: SMITHLY,” said the bank-presi- dent as he called the cashier into his private office and motioned him to be seated, “1 want to ask you a few ques- tions, Is it true that you have just pur- chased a home at a cost of $35,000?” “1-1 have, sir,” replied the cashier as he turned pale. HOW A POET LOST HIS JOB. POET of the magazines, As poets go to-day, Contrived by honest industry To make the business pay, Until one day, by some mishap, An editor had bought A poem which, he found too late, Contained a tiny thought. A very little one, ‘tis true ; ‘And that you own an automobile But when a poet sends worth $5,000 ” A real thought to a magazine + Yeyes, si He ne'er can make amends. + And a yacht worth $7,000?" “Y-yes, sir.” **And_ three race-horses valued at $15,000?" “II do, s «And a dog worth $2,000?” +Yeyes, sir.” “And that you sometimes lose vast sums at poker ?” “Yeyes, sir. ‘And live at the rate of $50,000 a ‘The ending of a bright career (His friends were grieved to note) Began upon the day a thought Got into what he wrote. Beware such indiscretion—see A bright carcer o'erthrown, And keep your verse to words and rhyme— To words and rhyme alone! Jepiae Ethel—« How long can a human be- ing live without food ?” year?" MONKEY- SHINES. Jack—1 don't know about human *P-pretty near that, sir.” An African monkey, quite spry, beings, bat I know poets who have been Whe “Mr, Smithly,” continued the bank- Decided some business to try. writing for years.” i rered-his:volce;:*" I w A shoe-stand he bought, y president as he lowered his voice, **1 want Rad cris sien te oreehe: a to ask you a favor. Your salary is $2,000 a ++ Five cents will a monkey-shine buy.” e year, is it not?” J «It is, sir," replied the cashier as he arose from his seat Sua, and sighed and wiped the perspiration from his forehead. suppose I am to hand in my resignation at once, ye ++ Not at all, my boy—not at all! I just want to ask tees if you won't change jobs with me for a few years. I says don't seem to be able to make much headway in this hand institution on my measly salary of $20,000 a Gr Prom SUCCESS. . OW do you spell Success? . of int Says the lover with lisping voice, “T spell Success with my sweethearts When she owns I’m her only choice. Yes— Success !” How do you spell Success? Says the actorina gay, «T spell Success p-ree. When the critics push my play. PRESS— Success ognize How do you spell Success? It not 4 = Says the capitalistic cove, Vigor | ona ame it ap Sones wiih opuls PROFESSIONAL OPTIMISM. ate in INEXPERIENCE. And a couple of strokes, by Jove! wane pot aba ede ial hat n6 166 pes iy “Goodness me! what is such a little boy going to s— “Oh, I wouldn't go so far as to say that. Re- ¥ he air-ship were once such a large pail ?"" Success!" member, the telephone a “G'wan! Didn't yer ever chase de duck?” soERTUS LOVE, considered impossibiliti comicbooks.com