Judge — June 1, 1907 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

CITY IMPRESSION, Cir cnar—"* Say, Jimmy, do fish have teeth?" Country cousix—"* No: ‘course not.” City cuap—"'l thought they had; but I've been here for three hours haven't been bit yet." PROSPECTUS OF THE JUNE WEDDING CO., LTD. HE June Wedding Co., Ltd., is about to open an estab- lishment in New York for the supply of everything requisite and desirable at a first-class fashionable wedding. A full supply of clergymen of every denomination always on hand (see special list for divorcecs}, as well as best men, ushers, bridesmaids, heavy and light fathers, smiling and weeping mothers, and smartly-clad guests. Complete lists always in print of Among Those Present,” which wii! be supplied the metropolitan and out-of-town press at a small extra charge. Breakfast, plate, china, servants, automobiles, cake, rice, old shoes, and geneal- ance and ready to pin, sew, or darn all rips, rents and tears, A member of con- gress (with a speech before, after, or during the wedding) will be supplied if par- ties have Washington connections. Multi-millionaires, who may be thought desirable to enhance the éclat of the affair, will be stationed on the church-steps or at the doors. Also attached family servants of both sexes, guaranteed to cry violently. Jabez JENKINS, Secretary June Wedding Co., Ltd. MR. SUGGS AND HIS. SYSTEM. M®. PULSIFER succs appeared on his front porch just as his neighbor came out on his own steps. The neighbor glanced over and saw that Mr. Suggs’s cheeks were puffed out and that his eyes seemed to be bulging. He observed also that Mr. Suggs walked me- thodically the length of his porch, then turned and re- traced his steps, cheeks still puffed and eyes still bulging. + Good-morning !" call- ed the neighbor cheerily. “One !" said Mr, Suggs with a mighty out-puffing of breath, Then his cheeks sank in and his eyes went back to subnormal, while his shoulders curved for DREAMS ARE SO CONTRARY! ward and his chest became “My! but these nightmares is terrible! I dreamed h vaist-li that the school-house caught fire while the circus was concave. Hiswaist-linealso in 'town, and | wanted to put the fire out, so | would became smaller, and Mr. have to go to school instead of the circus." Suggs walked the length of his porch and back in this shape, while the neighbor looked on with amazement. **Good-morning !" the neighbor said again when Mr. Suggs returned to his end of the porch. + Two-00-00 !" hissed Mr. Suggs with a tremendous inrush of breath. Once more Mr. Suggs’s cheeks grew round and round; once more his eyes bulged out and his face grew purple. Once more he paced the length of his porch and back. Again the neighbor said «Good-morning,” and this time Mr. Suggs blew out his breath in a raucous «+ Three-ee-ce !"" Again his shoulders were curving forward, again his cheeks were sinking in- ward —but the neighbor ogy of contracting parties, ON THE FUNNY SIDE OF THE STREET. ran across the lot and de- and a guard of honor con- sisting of Sons and Daugh- ters of the Revolution, Colo- nial Dames, and the band of the Old Guard, with wines of the rarest vintages, are to be found every noon in our chain of high-priced restaurants, Weddings at a moment's notice our spe- cialty. . First-rate actors from our leading theatres for the speeches at breakfasts, Novel and discreet jokes supplied our corps of ladies and gentlemen for congrat- ulatory purposes. Any number of foreign noblemen without additional charge, and a staff of private deteci- ives and photographers for the © going aw: We guarantee crowds and crushes up to ten and twenty thousand people. Police and riot calls if de- sired. Milliners, dressmak- manded, “What in the dickens do you mean by snubbing me, sir? I'll give you to understand I'm as good as you or anybody else, and when I say * Good-morning * it’s up to you or anybody else to acknowledge it.” Mr. Suggs gasped and replied, **Good-morning, then, dodgast it! I'm taking one of these deep- breathing courses, and you choked me off right after the third inspiration, and now I've got to go back and begin all over again !" THE CONSIDERATE WIFE. s+MIRS. ROGERS is a perfect slave to her husband. What does she do?” + Would you believe it? Every year, on his birthday, ers anil tailors in the uni- WELL-WATERED INVESTMENT. she gets-up in: time 4 eat form of our repairing de- ** Have you been out to see the building-lots you bought ?"* partment always in attend- “Yes. ‘I fished on them all one day last week.” breakfast with him.” comicbooks.com