Judge — June 1, 1907 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

LIMERICK LIVES OF THE ILLUSTRIOUS. IS our own “Saint Jerome, Known to eulogy, cartoon and * pome.” He flays the unshriven With interviews given To reporters who write by the tome. for Krupp, who blew so Much money for one little trousseau That the world stopped to gaze And cried in amaze, “Spent a hundred for clothes? do so?” L IS for Longworth, who wed “Princess Alice,” the newspapers said. Since her honeymoon tour She's become, I am sure, by the Fire" instead. “ Alice M35. Moody, the mighty, Who knocked Standard Oil “highty- tighty.”" When their greed he had quenched He was honorably benched, To make law in a real sable nightie. N IS .for Nick,” who was prone To call Europe and Asia his own, Till he met with mishaps At the hands of the Japs— And discovered new Nicks in his throne. HE BROKE THE ICE. T HOME weddings, especially in the rural districts, there is generally a ghastly pause immediately after the ceremony. Recently a very young preacher was called to unite a couple in the farm-house which was the bride’s home. The daughter of the house- hold was to marry the husky young swain who had been her father’s “hired man” for a couple of years. During the ceremony it was easy to see that all were on the verge of a panic. The minister, however, with some stammering, and a haste that was rather obvious, managed to fin- ish, and pronounced the couple husband and wife. He then sank into the nearest chair and left the embarrassed pair standing alone. None of the assembled friends seemed to know just what to do, and the silence was extremely painful. At last the bridegroom, unable to stand the tension any longer, dropped his bride's hand and bolted for the door, exclaiming, “I forgot to feed them pigs !" AT THE MINSTREL SHOW. Tambones — Mistah_Inter- lockcanal, what am de diff'runce ‘tween a genius in de wedder- brewery who dopes out de bad wedder an’ a fellah what gits in- sanely angry fo" a few minnits 2?” Interlocutor—*1 don't know, is the differ- een a genius in the weather-bureau who dopes out the bad weather and a fellow who gets insanely angry for a few min- utes ?” Tambones — Why, de one has ‘storm-brains* an’ de odder has + brain-storms.’ Ha, ha, ha!" Interlocutor — Mr. Zimmer- man will now sing ‘ They Use To Call It Water on the Brain,’ " AN OBSERVATION. HE man who has the softest snap (It’s saying nothing rash) Is he who's almost always sure To have the most hard cash. We throw living. matchless. How'd she best laughter. time for start threshing. Mr. Ow.—*'! guess Poe's raven must have been up against one of these farewell bachelor dinners when he got off that gag about ‘ never more.’ "" WIT’ AND WIT’OUT. TEN bluffs don’t equal . one *+ make-good.” flowers at the dead ; mud at the The girl of match- less beauty is never Girls with dimples do not always make the When a youth starts to sow his wild oats it's the father to Honesty is the best policy—only when you pay promptly the pre- miums of hard work. There is no liar on earth equal to the man who pretends that he doesn't mind be- ing bow-legged or red-haired. A TRUST. Weary Wanster—" Who's the chap up there in the gilt house “Oh, he's a member of the bird-seed trust." It is true that a good woman may lift a man from the gutter, but it is usually better to ask a policeman to do so. When a crowd of women have absolutely nothing to talk about, they start in saying any- thing about everybody. The millionaire tells us how to get rich—but it isa fake trail to lead us away from his own private hunting-grounds. Down in our hearts we are all rather pleased to see the other fellow get it in the neck—which explains the popularity of the comic supplement. PETER PRY siEvLin. THE EDITORIAL INNARDS. 6+} JOW can you exist upon one meal a day And yet make such wonderful strides?" The editor smiled so ineffably mild— “Oh, you know, I've got patent insides."* OUGHT NOT TO HAVE COME OUT. SOYVHAT did you think of that girl at her coming-out party 2” ++ Well, to be perfectly frank, I thought she'd better go back.” IT DIDN'T STOP THEM. New Irish constaste—"' They call this toimepiece a shtop-watch, do they? Begobs! Oi've hild it on iv automowbeel thot's passed, an’ th’ divil a wan av thim ‘s aven luked at me.” = ad comicbooks.com