Judge — April 20, 1907 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Evnornan sates-acexTs—/nternational News Company, Bream's buii 7 Tif ge 225 Fourru Ave.,New Youn. Cante Appness,“JupcarK.” Tat. 2214 Gramencr. One copy, one year. or s2 : One copy, six months, or numbers = = ee SO ‘One copy, for thirteen weeks E 2g FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS—To all for Chancery Lane, F.C, London : Brentano's, Avenue die" Opera, Paris: Saarbach's News Exchany . ——— —— TT a a is Sr Sot — PUBLISHED WEEKLY 1313 Hartford Building, Oricage, Mt ‘ADVANCE. stwas Jeoce. 0 countries in the postal union, $6.50 a year. including the The contents of FUDGE are protected by copyright in both the United States and Great Britain. Infringement of this conyrigit will be promptly and vigorously prosecuted. CONTRIBUTORS must inctose a stamped and self-addressed eriveione with all manuscrivts, otherwise return of the latter wien found unavailable cannot be guaranteed. DRAWINGS and all contributions sent to the Art Devartment should have the sender's full name and adiress written plainly on each and every separate sketch. The accompanying Joke or descrivtive letter-oress sould in every instance be ‘written upon tts indrosdual picture, and NOT upon a separate slip of pazer. Inciosure of stamps to the fll amount of postage (3 also required, to insure safe and promot return of material not accented. ‘THE TRYING PROBLEM OF THE BUTTON AND THE BOOM. THE TIME draws near when the great problem before several scores of big brows in all parts of the country will be the campaign button. Booms are to be launched by means of buttons. Wherever we look we see the faces of putative presidential nominees growing drawn and anxious over Booms and Buttons. For the problem is just this: Every boom calls for a button, and a button is, in a sense, the father of booms. Now, in order to have the two go together, a quality and quantity of prescience is required altogether beyond the usual prophetic faculty of the normal mind. For in- stance, it is said that Uncle Joseph has in concealment billions of barrels of buttons for his boom. But he is afraid to pin them on the lapel of the nation. For even a single too-previous button might bust the boom. On the other hand, to withhold the blazon of those booming buttons is perhaps to let opportunity arrive, pound upon the door, and go hence. It’s an awful thing to have to contrive months, and even years, beforehand to have a button and a boom slide into the ways simultaneously, as if one was born for the other. Multiply the case of Uncle Joe by as many potential candi- datures as the country holds at the present time and it will at once appear that this bane of the buttons and the booms is a serious matter. Perhaps there are car-loads of Fairbanks buttons waiting on an obscure siding some- where, and Taft buttons and Foraker and—— Well, these are trying times for the nascent button and boom, THE REMAKING OF MALE MAN BY COOKERY. THe REFORM of male man by cookery is not a new idea; but a Chi- cago police-court justice has lately given it a novel emphasis, and sug- gested new and important applications of an old truth. It is now declared that not only does food in general make the man, but that different kinds of food make different kinds of men—so that really the secret of a varied excellence in the masculine human lies in the bread-pan, the ‘* spider ’’ and the bean-pot. Take a lazy man, for instance, and feed him on peppers, horse-radish, tabasco, chop suey, radishes, and tough beef, and he imme- diately becomes industrious. Chicken salad, hot chocolate, string beans, turnips and leeks will make a nervous man placid. A vegetable diet will transform a wife-beater. Steak, chops and carrots will make the unloving spouse a lover. Buckwheat cakes, sausage and fried potatoes will make cold feet warm; and rice, tapioca and cheese-cake will change the “frosty mitt’’ into the warm clasp. For the henpecked man raw-beef sandwiches, beans and mutton chops are the restoratives of power, and for the molly- coddle the remedy is roast mutton and plum pudding. Still further, a husband of flirtatious disposition can be wholly subdued by subjection to an onion diet. When women grasp this ‘ new-thought” cookery in all its largeness, we may look for a renascence of the culinary art among them. MW JUDGE cannot be found at any newsstand, the publishers will be under obligations if that tact be promptly reported oa postal-card er by letter. Just to think that a city like Detroit could conduct a campaign of oppo- sition to the acceptance of a Carnegie Free Library! eee BROTHER HEARST appears to be getting quite an enviable reputation for defeating any cause in which he assumes leadership. AND now they are saying the lemon gag is old. Sure thing. Didn’t we hear a little while ago that Eve handed Adam some citrus fruit? R. THOMAS FORTUNE RYAN is about to go into the peanut busi- ness. This does not mean that Mr. Ryan is changing his politics at all. UTZON BORGLUM, as we understand it, claims that his angels were sculped flat, their wings clipped, and all their celestial appurtenances unduly Crowded. In short, New York flat-housed the angels. THE HEALTH AND GOOD LUCK OF VULGARITY. 66 YVHEN ONE looks round at the jovial, happy, healthy faces of vol- gar men; when one reads of the vast sums they leave at their decease, one is astonished that the art of vulgarity is not taught in schools. If one has not inherited a certain proficiency from one’s parents, one has to pick it up one’s self.’” Thus reflects an esteemed London contemporary. It raises a question which will not down—a question that is fraught with painful conclusions. How to be vulgar and happy, how to be full of pride and vanity, self-exaggeration and obtrusive self-esteem, and the disagree- able pomposities which are the earmarks of vulgarity, is one of the prob lems that is settled. Anybody can do it. It comes by nature, without breeding. It is one of the unassisted triumphs of the natural man. But how to be gentle, and kindly, and considerate, and thoughtful, and true, and sympathetic, and loving, and at the same time to be successful, that is the unsettled problem—the problem, apparently, which has no answer. Our London exchange concludes its little preachment by saying that “ the solution of the great problem of life, how to be healthy, how to procure the privileges of the wealthy and a reputation for happiness and wisdom, is to be vulgar.” In short, bacon, corn bread and a perfumed breath go farther in this vale of tears than angel-cake and attar of roses. WE NOTE with pleasure that Mr. Bryan is rather more conservative this month than he was last. eee ITTSBURG’S heroic twenty-eight should eat frequent and oft if they would fully restore the good name of their city. se HIS honor, the Emperor of Japan, objects to being Mikadoed. The great Mutsuhito is no longer a candidate for comic-opera fame. eee OW strange to think the river Abana is furnishing power for a lively electric plant which is sending trolley-cars buzzing through the city of Damascus ! THE Panama Canal lecture business promises to be one of our leading industries. A congressman can go down there, ride across the Isthmus and back in seven hours, and be fully equipped for the platform. Some do it in less time.