Judge — April 20, 1907 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Wuape OF NO FURTHER INTEREST. “ Did you ever stop to think what would happen if we were switched from the earth by a comet's tail ?” “I don’t waste my time thinking about things that cannot possibly interest me.” — Cleveland Plain Dealer, JUST A HELPER. Merchant— Ves ; we are in need of a A LITTLE LOOK AT WALL STREET. HE COUNTRY persists in being mys- tilled by Wall Street. For our part, we would not understand Wall Street if se could. If we understood it perhaps se would no longer swear at it, and we take it that democratic government could sot go on if we and all the rest of the people had not some gigantic octopusized institution upon which we could concen- rate our swearing. Wall Street luxuri- wes in a verbiage which helps on the popular mystification, But there are two linds, perhaps many kinds, of verbiage in Wall Street. Some friend has favored ws with a specimen of Wall Street's antic sirit. An office-boy and a messenger- toy run together at the lunch hour and adulge in a game of bluff after the Wall Sect fashion. These boys may yet be- come the future plutocrats of finance. At any rate they already have a jargon wt understood of the people. Here is the skit NOON-HOUR ON WALL STREET. By Darky, Blinky (the messenger-boy)— swell job yi got in dat orfiss.”” Ufice-boy—* It ane as swell as yi tink it iz. I'm oney gittin’ tree bills a week. Diyi call dat swell 2" Blinky — “But looki di swell type- rider dey godd up dere. It ain't di coin pgit. OU swap y’ jobs enny time y if it wuzint dat I needid ee carélare, unch money, an’.a good menny other tings, I'd take di job fi satin, and ye're a deadone wit di ladies b. Dat's a You oney say dat, yi know yidon’t mean it; why, yi wooden leave 4 job if you got Prezident Rosevilt’s Office-boy (bushing) — “Yi know more aout my tings den I know meself. Blinty—“1 can read yi like a book. Yw're one adem kiner guys dat wenn yi rows up ti be a big bloke yi'll make all Inds 0° trouble fi people; dat’s di kine uv astiff I tink you are. ‘An’ arm gorner pt in a knock fi yi wit dat typewrider, rite. Dat woman iz too good fi yi. Ofice-boy—" Lt'ink yi make dem cracks heeauz yer jeliss. Yi seen me takin’ her —* You! takin’ her home! Arm wise ti dat. You can’t stall me dat wy. Yi wuz just takin’ some ledders town ti di post-office wid her, an’ den e left yi; yir a four-flusher, dat’s all. An’ wots more, I doan needa be jeliss 0° ir. If I wanna cop ir out, yi wooden hiv a chance in di wurl. ‘So doan go hefin’ like dat. only t' ink yi can cop ir. try ti.” Blinky—« I sees it now, or-rite. So yi ue dead gone on the woman, an’ yi are iiss uy me ti tink O'll steal away fan yi.” Office-boy—“ Yi t'ink ye'r a regulee bdies charmer. I heard guys like you beefin’ before about stealin’ di gal iway fon me. Why, in di first place, you ane Swell ennuf fi dat gal. An’ wen di strike ¥uz wit di messingiz yi diden stick wi di test uv di push. Yi went skabbip’, an’ the wuz hip to dat. Binky (growing angry Yer goen a liddle too far )—" Hay, you; wen yi make a @ 20TH CENTURY LIMITED— crack a dat kine, an’ I want yi ti chop id out, an’ if yi don’t O'll wallop ye bitween di two eyes. Di yi hear dat? Cauz I never went skabbin’. Di reason | wuz woikin wen di strike wuz on wuz becauz I diden know dare wuz a strike till it wuz all over, an’ I kin proove dat wit di man- ager.” Office-boy —"" Cheez, wot a stall dat iz. You diden know day wuz a strike till it wuz over. Yir always got exceussis. An’ about wallopin’ me bitween di two eyes, dat’s oney a bluff a yurs. Why, if yi wuz in a fightin’ contist, wear day wuz givin’ limburger cheez fir a prize, yi woodn’t get a smell if it.” Blinky—* Dat's a hot one about dat limburger-cheez contist or-rite. 1 suppoz yi can fight so good dat if yi wuz ina fightin’ contist where dey wuz givin’ lim- burger cheez fir a prize yi wood git a smell uv it. Well, yi can do di good fightin’ in dat cas Office-boy—" Vi getti again. Gee, O'll betch yi funny. Well, I wanna tell yi face, an’ save yi a lot of time, yi ane got achance in di wurl to cop out that ty; wrider goil, an’ ain't no use yi tryin’ it needer—I'm puttin’ yi wise like a friend.” Blinky (winking his eye) —« Or-rite, dare, Wisenheimer. We'll see about dat some udder time. It's two o'clock an’ I godda git ti woil DOPE. “Charles, dear,” said young Mrs. Tor- kins, “why do they call racing calcula- tions «dope ‘? I thought that was a slang down ti kiddin’ |name for a drug.” “You're quite right,” was the answer. “They call it that because all it generally gets you is a pleasant dream and a rude awakening."— Washington Star. SHE PAYS FOR IT. “T figure that advertising costs me a couple of thousand dollars a year more than I can afford "—— “What are you talking about ? don’t advertise.” **No; but the department-stores do, and my wife has the bargain habit."—. ‘A COME-DOWN. Tommy— Pa, what is a come-down ?” "a—* Hanging on a strap riding home from the auto show."—£ xchange. THE RESULT of intelligent, painstaking care of the scalp is healthy hair Packer's Tar Soap Pure as the Pines MGs eves & third of 5 ceonity bis beet tee leal soap for shampooing. ze the scalp, but imparts glandular structures which are intimately concemed with the growth and vitality of the hair. Its use means a clean, healthy scalp, and lustrous, luxuriant hair. ‘The Packer Mfg. Co, New York City. You [Janitor. Where were you employed last 2” |" Applicant—« In a bank, sir. | Merchant—« Did you clean it out?” Applicant—“ No, sit. The cashier did | that."—Chicago News. TOO EXPLICIT. “I can't give either of you fellows a job.” “ But, sir, our former employer will tell you that we are able and energetic.” “+ He does so. Says one of you is able and the other energetic."— Exchange. UNUSUAL. “John,” said Mrs. Spenders, "I've got lots of things | want to talk to you about “—— “Glad to hear it,” snapped her hus- “usually you want to talk to m about lots of things that you haven't got. —Philadelphia Press. An ounce of sherry and a tablespoonful of Abbott's Bitters before meals is a wonderful appetizer. ‘THE DIFFERENCE. Knicker—“\Is Jones a walking ency- you can shut an ency- New York Sun. ROMANTIC DEVONSHIRE, THE LAND MADE FAMOUS BY PHILPOTTS’ NOVELS. Philpotts has made us familiar with romantic Devonshire, in his fascinating novels, * The River,” “ Children of the Mist,” etc. The characters are very hu- man ; the people there drink coffee with the same results as elsewhere. A writer at Rock House, Orchard Hill, Bideford, North Devon, states : ** For 30 years I drank coffee for break- fast and dinner, but some five years ago I found that it was producing indigestion and heartburn, and was making me rest- less at night. ‘These symptoms were fol- *|lowed by brain-fag and a sluggish men- tal condition. “When I realized this, I made up my mind to quit drinking coffee, and having read of Postum, I concluded to try it. I had it carefully made, according to directions, and found to my agreeable surprise at the end of a week, that I no longer suffered from either indigestion, heartburn or brain-fag, and that I could drink it at night and secure restful and refreshing sleep. «Since that time we have enti dis- ly continued the use of the old kind of coffee, growing fonder and fonder of Pos- tum as time goes on. My digestive or- gans certainly do their work much better now than before, a result due to Postum Food Coffee, I am satisfied. «Asa table beverage we find (for all the members of my family use it) that, when properly made, it is most refreshing and agreeable, of delicious flavor and aroma. Vigilance is, however, necessary to secure this, for unless the servants are ij watched, they are likely to neglect the thorough boiling which it must have in order to extract the goodness from the cereal.” Name given by Postum Co., Battle Creek, Mich. Read the little book, ** The Road to Wellville," in pack- ages. «There's a reason.” vans’ Ale the most expen- PR hops are used—cost of materials not being considered where the reputation uf Evans’ Ale is concerned—that's only ‘one reason why Evans’ Ale has no counterpart at home or abroad. Its purity, flavor and healthfulness are peculiar to itself. No article could have obtained such widespread pop- ~ | ularity save through superlative merit. The culmination of ale goodness, Cuts, Restanranta, Cafes and Dealers, Milk 3c. Per Quart. That is what the farmer in Orange County gets for it. That same milk costs you 8 to 12c. per quart 36 or 48 hours later. The difference between what the farmer re- ceives and you pay is for the wholesale and retail milk dealers’ profits and expenses, and you (the milk buyer) pay this difference. Same with cigars. You pay the dealers, The manu- facturer who sells to the dealers gets no more for his cigars than I get for. I save you these profits—was going to say, give them to you —for your trouble in writing me for a hundred cigars rather than walking around the corner and paying adealer 33 1-3 to 100% profit for keeping cigars in his place for you to buy. Dealers pay fifty to sixty dollars per thousand for hand-made cigars that are clear, clean, long Havana filler and genuine Sumatra wrapper —and that exactly describes my Panatela, ot which I sell millions to in- dividual smokers at $5.00 per hundred. MY OFFER IS :—1 will, upon request, send one hundred Shiv. Panatela Cigars on approval to a reader of JUDGE, express prepald. He may smoke ten cigars and return the remaining ninety at my expense, and no charge for the ten smoked If he Is not pleased with them; If he Is pleased, and keeps them, he Is to remit the price, $5.00, within ten days. In ordering please enclose business card or give personal references, and state whether mild, medium or strong cigars are desired. Why not give yourself the benefit of the doubt once and try a hundred “On Suspicion "? HERBERT D, SHIVERS, 99 Filbert Street, Philadelphia, Pa. EXACT Siz 18-HOUR TRAIN TO CHICAGO New York Central and Lake Shore comicbooks.com