Judge — April 6, 1907 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

225 Fountu Ave.,New Yous. C: Wasraxw Apvermisinc Ornci UNITED STATES AND ¢ thirteen weeks One copy, one year. One & Ove FOREIGN SUB: Ecnornas sates-acenrs—/utermational News Company, Bream's building, Chancery Lane, E. Cy London ; Brentano's, Avenue del" Opera, Paris, The ¢ CONTRIBUTORS mest in DRAWINGS descrivtive le insure safe ar nf all contriba $$ sould in every instar rompt return of material not accestes. of FUDGE are protected by conyrigM in both the United States and Great Britain. Infringement of this cooyright will be promptty (ose a stamped and self-addressed eriveiove with all manuscriots, otherivise return of the latter when foand unavailable cannot be guaranteed. Id harve the sender’s fill name and address Yoritten plainly on each and every separate sketch. The accompanying joke or a ture, and NOT upon a separate slip of paper. PUBLISHED WEEKLY }UDGARK.” Tat, 2214 Grawencr, Chicago, Me TERMS TO “sui OA IN ADVANCE. Tncluding the Cumstias Jvoce. CRIPTIONS—To all foreign countries in the postal union, $4.50 a year. Saarbach's News Exchange, Mains, Germany. id bigorously prosecuted, Inciosare of stamps to the fal! amount of postage ts also required, 10 1M JUDGE canoot be found st any news-stand, the publishers will be under obligations if that tact be promptly reported on postal-card or by letter. ON LOOKING ON THE BRIGHT SIDE FOR 30! YEARS. A CONNECTICUT MAN, by looking on the bright side of life for 1ot years, added tot years to his life. The lesson of this extraordinary feat of optimism must be obvious, but a difficulty lurks in the midst of it. For instance, most people of ordinary experience will wonder how this old world could be posed ina steady attitude of sunniness for an entire century. But never mind that. The thing has been done, and ye should attend to the lesson and not confuse ourselves with the mys- tery of it. Mr. Bryan announces that he looks forward to a state of activity during six more presidential campaigns. Of course it must follow that he will be the candidate in all of those campaigns. The prospect to most men would be appalling. How does Mr. Bryan stand up under such an awful burden? He looks always on the bright side. To him there is no dark side. He is the cheerful candidate—cheerful, and, therefore, perpetual. Take the Democracy. It survives on nothing. It has a genius for existence. Year after year rolls on,and the old lady of politics sits patiently on the outside of things. How does she manage it? The Democracy is cheerful. Defeat to it is the same, and even better, than success. "In fact, success is always defeat. At this season, when all the fifty-nine ieties of the unsubduable Democracy are dining at from one to ten dollars per plate and thinking sadly of Jefferson, we should bear in mind that the sadness is only in seeming. Democrats are never inwardly sad. They are gladdest when they appear saddest. The Democracy has lived a century, and will go on and live other centu- ries, because the Democracy is almost miraculously dowried with the gift of looking on the bright side of things, WOMAN'S CLOTHES SAVE MAN FROM BANKRUPTCY. PRING hath other mysteries besides those which reside in tree and field and brook. For instance, a woman lecturer is telling us that it is wo- man’s love for clothes which keeps the country from bankruptcy. The feminine love for clothes is an all-the-year-round phenomenon, but spring annually revives its strength and restores its supremacy in the field of wo- manly desires, Here, then, is the paradox, that the feminine fondness for dress averts bankruptcy by producing bankruptcy. To those males who have to finance feminine glory the following definition adapted from Her- bert Spencer will appear like a truism: Life is a change from an indefinite, inco- herent, homogeneous sense of insolvency in the off-seasons to a definite, coherent, heterogeneous, cumulative proof of insol- vency in those seasons in which a man’s wife, his daughters and his mother-in-law feel it to be their duty, their privilege and their right to sail in and make Solomon’s glory look like a last-year’s calico wrap= per. After the spring deluge of finery most men wear a subdued and chastened look, as if the sheriff had just ¢s yet we learn that but for this incessa sault on the pocket-book men would be in a state of perpetual bankruptcy. Well, “UL Perhaps it is true. But for this man might stagnate, his noble powers wane. The annual, semi-annual and monthly dress bill keeps him on the move, We salute the spring dress and the spring bonnet. They keep the men folks poor, but without them poor man would be poorer still. CURIOUS, isn’t it, that the man who started Oslerism is sixty, and his mother just dead at a hundred years of age? ND now Boston will have an “Old Home Week.” follow suit, but New York hasn’t any old homes. TALKING of the progress of women, here is a woman who rushed up to a sheriff, unbuckled her wooden leg, and floored him. THE latest scientific pronunciamento is that woman will shortly become either a creature with wings or fins. Can anybody guess which? ORT DODGE, lowa, to the front. As the Irishman would say, every man, woman and child of twenty-five years of age or over must be married or take the consequences. New York would THE PROGRESS OF BURGLARY AS A FINE ART. MODERN BURGLARY shows a commendable disposition to keep abreast of the times. We read of one Knight of the Jimmy who en- tered a mansion, dined and wined luxuriously, slept for a night in the best bed, then proceeded leisurely to rob the premises. In New York City a pleasant person with plundering proclivi- ties selects the people he desires to rob and invites them to his house. He summons them by ‘phone, and when they arrive he calmly robs them and sends them home. The vandal with his valet is becoming fashionable. The business of burglary is acquiring fresh novelty and dignity. This may be in no small measure due to the de- sire of the respectable thieving classes to differentiate their calling from a multitude of other trades which have so largely en- croached on the methods of the old-fash- ioned burglary. The kind of burglary which simply goes after that which be> longs to another and gets it was becoming too common. The real burglar likes to put art into his work. To bludgeon other people out of their property is commonplace, tame, inartistic, brutal. To abstract another’s goods by finesse, even making him accessory to his own depletion, only this meets the demands of up-to-date, progressive, re- fined, and conscientious thievery. . THE mule that kicked up all that trouble between Nicaragua and Hon- duras must be kicking still. [7 IS refreshing to note that every editor in the country has declared his opposition to the Pennsylvania law to allow persons with a grievance to assault the editor. wee WE NOTE that the urgent question at all the Jefferson-day dinners is, What does the Democracy stand for? Easy. Democracy just now has so many legs it can’t sit down. HAT a light is thrown upon woman's inescapable sense of dependence by the fact that a Wisconsin woman, wishing to shoot a man, felt it necessary first of all to array herself in men’s clothes. HICAGO UNIVERSITY co-eds are engaged in the study of monkey psychology, the object being to ascertain what prompts the monkey to do such foolish things. Rather obscure, but doubtless valuable in a pre- paratory way. comicbooks.com