Judge, 1907-03-16 · page 6 of 16
Judge — March 16, 1907 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several satirical pieces typical of Judge's early 20th-century humor: **"A Murder Trial Limited"** mocks the circus atmosphere of sensational trials and yellow journalism. The satire targets how newspaper deadlines ("Evening Garbage Pail") interrupt court proceedings, and how the trial itself becomes theatrical—with experts giving predetermined testimony, lady reporters present, and the judge prioritizing press accommodations over justice. **"She Attended to the Gas"** ridicules rural/"hayseed" newcomers to the city. A Jersey couple checks into a New York hotel; the clerk warns the husband about gas lighting (a safety concern). The wife, overhearing only that he "mustn't" blow it out, assumes he means she can—and leaves the gas on, nearly causing disaster. The joke mocks both rural ignorance and the wife's contrarian stubbornness. **"A Case in Point"** references Mayor Edward F. Dunne's failed Chicago street-railway initiative, comparing his disappointment to a boy celebrating a school fire without understanding consequences. **Minor jokes** include puns on fish scales/finishing school and bacteriologist humor. The page primarily satirizes urban modern life's absurdities and rural-urban cultural clash.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
A MURDER TRIAL LIMITED. HE celebrated murder trial was running jovially on. Spicy repartee was bandied back and forth between the exacting district-attorney and the ex-actress wit- ness. Now and again some juror would leap up from his sleep and shout, **I object!" He had been dreaming he was an attorney. Now and again a lady-reporter would take off her antiseptic glove and rest her muck-raking hand while a citation was made. The prisoner had almost forgot to look on-the- verge-of-collapse. Hypodermic questions were being injected with startling frequency, the answer to any one of which, if.not properly made according to instructions from the proper attorney, would have sent a whole family to Siberia for life and eight months longer. Each of the experts had told of the lemon the prisoner had pre- sented them when first his counsel decided he should be insane. The defense’s attorneys hadn't had a fight for two days. Suddenly a messenger hurriedly entered the court-room and rushed leisurely up to the presiding justice. That worthy turned red with embarrassment and instantly rapped on the desk with his gavel. “1 beg the pardon of the learned counsel,” said he, * but word has just been sent me by the editor of the Avening Garbage Pail that the proceedings up’to the present time will fill all the available space in the last edition, So the court will now stand adjourned till to- morrow.” Whereupon the assembly broke up in dismay, each person realiz- ing how narrowly a fatal mistake had been avoided. HER FINISH. Tue minnow—" Have you noticed what beautiful fins Miss Scales has lately ?"* “Yes, She has just returned home from the finish- SHE ATTENDED TO THE GAS. T couple from one of the back counties of New Jersey pulled up at a New York hotel for the night. They had not shaken out all the hayseed, and the clerk gave the old gent a few precautionary tips as to the gas. He did this on the side, so as not to jar the wife’s feelings, seeing that she was a woman of spirit. She preceded her husband to the room, and when he got in she had retired, “What did that clerk want with you, Hiram 2” she inquired naturally. “He told me I mustn't blow out the gas, Mandy,” he replied with con- siderable importance. «Did he, indeed ?” she exclaimed. ++ He didn’t say / mustn't blow it out, did he?” 0, he didn't,” Hiram hesitated. “Then you git into bed !" she commanded as she sat down on the side to wait for him, sand I'll attend to that myself, [don’t propose to sleep in no room where it’s as light as day. When the watchman came around later he discovered some- HYP-NOTIZED. thing and got the door open in time. A CASE IN POINT. MAYOR EDWARD F. DUNNE of Chicago recently suffered a severe blow at the hands of the city council, which all but killed forever his pet plan of immediate ownership of street railways, on which platform he was elected. The mayor regards the situation lugubriously, but tries to take it good-naturedly. his situation reminds me,” he said toa friend, **of the small boy who saw ‘the school-house burning down. *Goody, goody!" he cried. +I didn’t know my old joggerty lesson nohow DON'T BACILLI. RONALDSS father is a well-known bacteriologist, and the small son shows that he grasps the meaning of a few familiar terms, for upon coming to the table one ONE FOR EACH? morning he asked his mother if she thought the cereal had germs in it. “Did you see the engagement-ring | gave Miss Germs! Ronald, of course not. Don't be silly.” Smartleigh, Percy?” : . y No. She never wears it the evenings when | “That's just what I mean—bacilli,” was his instant rejoinder. comicbooks.com