Judge, 1907-02-02 · page 7 of 16
Judge — February 2, 1907 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three satirical pieces targeting workplace and social behavior of the era: **"A Motto That Worked"** mocks the motivational "Do-it-now" trend. When a boss posts these signs, the staff's immediate response is chaos: embezzlement, elopement, salary demands, and a clerk fleeing to become a criminal. The joke satirizes how such corporate slogans backfire when applied indiscriminately. **"The Grass Widow"** plays on the period term for a woman separated from her husband. The woman rejects sympathy about wearing widow's weeds (mourning clothes), claiming she's a "grass widow"—implying her separation is temporary or she's not genuinely grieving—with a wink suggesting impropriety. **"The Evidence Was All One Way"** ridicules a defense lawyer's absurd logic. He argues his client couldn't have committed an assault in New Jersey because the prestigious French ball was occurring in New York City that night, then asks the jury to judge innocence based solely on the defendant's disreputable appearance. The jury's acquittal despite overwhelming evidence reveals the system's absurdity. The page satirizes institutional incompetence, social hypocrisy, and judicial injustice.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
A MOTTO THAT WORKED. Srocxson—"' One day last week old man Gotrox bought a lot of those * Do-it-now” signs and hung ‘em around the office.”” Bonp——"* How did the staff take it?” Srocxson—"' Almost unanimously. The cashier skipped with $30,000, the head book-keeper eloped with the private secretary, three clerks asked for an increase of salary, and the office-boy lit out to become a highwayman and got as far west as Pittsburg before he was caught and disarmed. “THE GRASS WIDOW. NO STOPS. FAIL to see," I said to she, s¢LJEAR about old Gottritch and his new sun-dial ?” asked the man * Your weeds for he who died. with the pink spats, Your vestments for a widow “No, Did he get a sun-dial for that sunken garden 2” asked the ‘Scem too gladsome.”” man with the red ears, + Yes; and he had his electrician conceal an arc-light in a bal She blinked at me, then winked at cony above the sun-dial, so it would work at night and on cloudy me, As coyly she replied, days. + I'm not a weedy widow, But a grass one.” MEMORY is the only bridegroom of many a sweetheart, and they are so true to this memory! THE EVIDENCE WAS ALL ONE WAY. TLEMEN ot the jury.” began the law- yer for the defense as he arose ; to present his side in the as- sault-and-battery case, ‘it's not going to take me over thirty min- utes to convince you that my client is as innocent of this charge as Tam. «+ First, gentlemen, I want him to stand up where you can get a good view of him, There, now, size him up carefully, please, a this has a very important bearing on the case. He doesn’t look much like a Sunday-school superintendent, does he, gentlemen ? No; he’s got ‘sport’ written all over him, and that’s just what he is—a sporting man—a man about town, and as good a fellow as you would care to meet. “And now, gentlemen, to prove to you the innocence of my client. What is the date of this alleged assault? It is January 20th, Where is it alleged to have taken place? In Blankville, New Je sey. What was going on in New York City on the night of January 20th? The French bail was given. Gentlemen of the jury, think this over a moment. Does my client look like a man who would be in Blankville, New Jersey, on the night the French ball is given in New York City? Cast your eyes his way once more, gentlemen, and ask yourself that question, That is all, your honor.” Unanimous verdict of acquittal. SUSPICIOUS. “| think the doctor wants to operate on mi ; P “What makes you think that?" WE are frequently far more selfish than we look. “He asked if he could see me apart for a minute." comicbooks.com