Judge, 1906-12-22 · page 19 of 48
Judge — December 22, 1906 — page 19: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several brief satirical pieces typical of early 20th-century American humor: **"Merely a Spook"** mocks Mayor Harmsworth. A palmist reads club members' hands accurately, but when examining the mayor's palm, discovers his "life-line" indicates he's been dead for fifteen years—suggesting Harmsworth is a ghost or phantom figure, likely a jab at his political irrelevance or lack of actual power despite his position. **"Wonderful Girl"** is a light verse about a woman who fixes her fallen hair on the street—unremarkable humor about feminine vanity. **"Revenge"** presents a wife threatening to cook dinner and invite her husband's coworker, revealing the coworker is actually his worst enemy. The "revenge" appears to be subjecting the enemy to her cooking. **"Cruel"** and the final untitled piece are brief joke exchanges about marriage, using "strapped" (lacking money) and staying out late as punchlines about romantic relationships. The overall tone is genteel domestic satire targeting gender relations and municipal politics.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
MERELY A SPOOK. THE palmist had read the hands of the other mem- bers of the club with a fair degree of accuracy. He had said that Ames, the organist, © was musical; that Blashfield, the painter, had artistic ability, and that the extraordinary length of General Manager Merritt's second finger denoted great executive power. But when the reader of hands reached Harmsworth, the mayor, it was plain that he was puzzied. “Go ahead.” urged Harmsworth, “The last chap that read that palm said that I was pugnacious, conceited, hot-tempered, dishonest and flirtatious. Surely you can’t do worse than that.” “It isn't that,” returned the palmist, eying the palm perplexediy. + That isn't what bothers me. “ Heavens !" exclaimed Harmsworth, «Is it bad enough to necessitate my wearing gloves as a precaution against getting found out? Speak up, man !” “ Why," returned the puzzled palmist, according to your life-line, you've been dead at least fifteen years.” WONDERFUL GIRL. There was a girl in our town, And she was wondrous sweet. She felt her hair was coming down, One day while on the street. And when she found her hair was down, With all her might and main She twisted it into a knot And put it up again. REVENGE. “ Alfred,” said Mrs. Wolcott over the telephone at ten a. m.,‘* our cook was taken ill a few minutes ago, so I intend to cook dinner myself. We will have a plain meal of steak, potatoes and perhaps pie, if I have time—just the sort of meal I used to cook when we were first married and started housekeeping. Now, 1 wish you would bring somebody from the office home to dinner. I want your friends to know what a practical woman you have for a wife.” STRAPPED." In after life, financially, John H. was‘ strapped" for fair. He even died at Sing Sing “strapped” To an electric chair. John Henry Jones was always strapped "* From birth until he died. In childhood days his father “ strapped” John Henry till he cried. “ All right,” replied Wolcott, “I'll bring Jones.” “But I thought you said, the other day, Jones was your worst enemy at the office ! “Well,” replied the fond husband as he rang off, + he is.” CRUEL. First bride— You would find it more economical to do your own cooking.” Second bride—" How so 2" First bride—» Your husband wouldn't eat so much !" TO BE CONSCIOUS OF THE HOUR WOULD BE UNWORTHY OF HIM. Voice (from siairway, one a, m.)—" Jane, does that young man know what time it is?" Jane (complacently)—"* Well, if he did 1 should doubt his affection !"* comicbooks.com