Judge — December 22, 1906 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

HaRay-A-LN BLL Do. LACONIC, 665 the proprietor in 2" asked the visitor. “No, sir,” replied the office-boy. “Is he in the city 2” Yes, sir.” Will he be back soon ?” No, si To-night ? + No, sir. To-morrow sometime ?* ‘0, sir.” “Did he leave any word for Mr. Brown 2?” 0, sir. he stranger looked at the office-boy sharply. + When did he go?” “ Yesterday afternoon.” * Didn't say when he'd be back 2" No, sir.” Well, where the dickens is he 2” « At the undertaker’s What's the matter 2” “ He's dead.” DWIGHT SPENCER ANDERSON. SUGGESTIVE. ee] THINK Mr. Grimsby’s attentions are serious, mamma,” says the fair young thing. “ Has he said anything 2” asks mamma. “No; but for a Christmas MISCALCULATED THE SPACE “Did you have a gooa time on Christmas day, Tommy ?” ‘No, EL didn't. 1 made such a fool of myself over the turkey that | only had room for one pie.” THE BOSTON BOY'S COMPOSITION. O! IT IS the twenty-fifth day of December. De- cember is now rated the twelfth month, though once it was regarded as the tenth. ~ At this season of the year the sun begins to remain longer above the horizon line, rendering the diurnal’ period less brief, While the divi. sion of duration into months and weeks is purely arbitrary and arranged solely for the conveni- ence of mankind, yet the division into days has gift he has sent me a cook- book and a volume on home decoration.” taught to believe that a gross pagan creature (usually described as coming in a sleigh drawn sby reindeer) was the personality that filled with his own hands the stockings hung annually for gifts. This mythical personality was also falsely reported to be of corpulent build and bloated, plethoric countenance, shamefully rubicund, and clad in furs that ily fitted h’s obese form. Perhaps the crowning infamy of this false teaching was that the defenseless babes were induced to helieve that this corpulent, coarse creature, laden with things for their material welfare and to cater to the most trivial of their sadly-neglected tastes, came down through the narrow aperture of the chimney and ascended again by that same impossible and inconvenient route. a more logical and less traditional basis. Rather an interesting historical fact has been rthed regarding this particular day in the year: Many, many years ago there existed a pagan custom ac¢ording to the observances of which multitudi- nous gifts were given by men, women, and children oné to another. Numerous parents were addicted to'thé habit of lavishing upon their offspring at this season gifts of the most frivolous and useless char- actér, such as trifling toys, sickening sweets and trashy. literature. This custom prevailed through- out most of the- United States and in portions of Indiana, a It is almost too pitiably amusing to be plau: ble, yet it is firmly established as to its authenticity —that children, and even their parents, on the even- ing preceding this pagan feast, would suspend their hosiery from mantel-pieces and elsewhere, finding therein the next morning such gifts as would, in bolk and shape, admit of such disposal. These customs were for the most_part practi- cally harmless, and even gave a sort of childish and primitive pleasure to the participants therein, But there was one feature of the observance that cannot too strongly be deplored: Little, helpless children whose powers of logic were highly undeveloped were Here's to the dearest Of all things on earth. (Dearest, precisely, ‘And yet of full worth ) One who lays siege to All weak, manly hearts— (Pocket-books also: That's one of her arts). Drink to her, toast her, Your banners unfurl Here's to the peerless ‘American girl! We cannot, appreciate sufficiently, without an occasional painful contemplation of the barbarism of an age so recently passed, the enlightenment of the present day in which we live and devote our- selves only to none but the higher and more inte! lectual forms of pleasure ; neither can we, without an occasional shocked glance at the rest of this cluster of straggling colonies, appreciate duly the privilege of residing in New England, where supe - stition and paganism in all their forms have been so long obsolete. STRICKLAND W, GHLLILAN, HOW CAN YOU PLEASE HER? GHE HATES you if your gift to her Cost less than that which she presented, And if your gift cost more than that Which she gave you she’s discontented ; And, furthermore, if what you give Cost just as much—no more—no less— As that which she gave you she thinks Exchanging gifts is foolishness. A RECOGNITION OF MERIT. «6 VY ARE yow haefing a Christmas-tree by your house, Mr. Isenstin 2" “Christmas-trees are all full mit candles and catches fire so easy,” comicbooks.com