Judge — December 22, 1906 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

SOME COSTLESS CHRISTMAS COMBINATIONS. Jevce’s special department for the instructiva of those who have learned to depend entirely on the newspapers and magazines for gift suggestions. WING to the slump in the stock-market, and the plumbers’ bills which commence to accumulate at this season of the year, we feared that many of our multi-millionaires would not be in a position to purchase their usual supply of Christmas gifts, and to this end we give below a few useful suggestions for gifis that can be made at home with very little trouble. These ideas have been sent to us by our special correspondents from fourteen cities simultaneously : A HANDY WATCH-FOB. The handsome watch-fob shown below is made from hide taken from alive horse. Stop any runaway horse on the street, and if no one stops you take a sharp pen-knife and cut out a strip of the horse's hide about fourteen inches long and one inch wide. Put it in soak—not the pawn-shop, but salt water—and then dry in the sun, Fasten a fishhook to one end of it, on to which the watch is to be hung. If you are not fortunate enough to have a watch, send us a post-card to that effect and we will immediately send you one. We forgot to mention, however, that said post- card must be accompanied by fifteen dollars The handy watch- fob. in cash, A KNOBBY SOUP-PIPE. One of the hardest things in the world is to make a boy eat soup. This little device, however, is an inducement, for it is the easiest thing in the world to make a boy smoke a pipe, or to make him think he’s snioking a pipe. The boy, whoever he is, will readily take the pipe-stem in his mouth, the bowl of which is to be filled with soup, and thus, while the youngster imagines himself under the influence of the tobacco trust, he is in reality absorbing a nutritious liquid. The soup-pipe can be made by getting a piece of garden hose about six inches long, and fastening it on to the spout of a coffee or teapot. The knobty soup- pipe. THE MUCK-RAKE. The muck-rake is a handy thing for waxing fat on others’ faults ; for building up your own system by running down some one else’s “system.” It is made as follows: Take about thirty pages of calen- dered paper, pour in two pints of upton sinclair, a cup of ida tarbell, a heaping teaspoonful of graham phillips and a pinch of tom lawson. Squeeze this mass of stuff between a bunch of advertising, and then stir constantly ; you'll have to. ‘THE MUSICAL XYLOPHONE, Find a steam radiator in any flat and tear it from the floor. It can be more easily done in a flat on the top floor, for here it will nev r be missed in the winter-time as the janitor never uses it for steam, anyway. Fill each iron tube with a greater or lesser amount of pot-cheese until the sounds, upon striking the tubes, are graduated and you can run up a regular scale without having the people down stairs knocking up. The photograph shown herewith shows one of our lady reporters playing on one of these home- made instruments. She holds in her left hand acan of cold water, as shown, because the tune she is playing is There'll be a hot time in the old town to-night,” and she is afraid the pot-cheese will burn. ‘THE USEFUL SHEARS. Get a cake of ice about three feet long and cut therefrom two Rivet your eye on the spot where inches One of our lady reporters playing on a home-made xylophone. strips about two inches wide. the two blades cross, about five from the end. By referring to the illustration you will notice that a wishbone is to be at- tached to the end of each blade. ‘This serves to hold firmly whatever you are cutting. The shears are handy for coldly cutting your acquaintances. The picture we give was taken by our staff photographer and shows a contributor of Christmas poetry about to cut off his head, He heard last Sunday about the burning of ancient Jericho, and the manager chided him for not having been on the spot to cover the story poetically. Hence in a fit of despondency he committed the above dastardly deed. A DANDY ROW-BOAT. Go to the plumbers’ and get an iron bath-tub. flame under the front part until the iron gets soft and starts to melt. Then hammer both sides until they come to a point, This will make the pretty bow of the boat and you can sit in it and look stern at the other end- Thus your craft is completed at very little expense. The boat in our illustra- tion was drawn by a tug. The lady within was sketched by Doré. ». r. rrrzex. The useful shears. Hold a wax-candle oe A dandy row-boat. THE TALE OF A TUB. p IVE room, it was but four by six, The job, it seemed but small— A new bath-tub therein to fix And paint it—that was all, The first to stir was the carpenter, He led a cheerful crew ; And day by day they smoked away And tore the room in two, Yes, day by day they smoked away, A pipe for every lath— And never a care for a man's despair Who wanted a morning bath. The plumbers came and did the same. They found a lot of lead Beneath the floor. Behind the door They piled it up instead. The ancient tub, with a metal club ‘They slowly smashed in parts, And day by day they smoked away With pleased, cuntented hearts. Yes, day by day they smoked away And cut a wider swath— With never a care for a man's despair Who wanted a morning bath. Now paint, it seems, is not a task Of a single equinox. It takes tobacco Igy the cask, And matches by the box. And when the tide was once applied, To make the matter sure, The p: For at least three days or four. ‘Then day by day they smoked away And added two coats more. Yes, day by day they smoked away fers paused until it dried Along their painty path— With never a care for a man’s despair Who wanted a morning bath. Oh, youth is age, and age is youth, And time is not at all, When you trust to the brave mechanic’s ruth Your bath-tub old and small. For day by day they smoke away Nor heed the rising wrath, Nor the anxious stare, nor the sad despair Of the man who wants a bath. RALPN BERGENGREX. comicbooks.com