Judge — December 1, 1906 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

HOUSEHOLD NEWS. HE reading-lamp was reading And the savings-bank was saving, While the kneading-board was kneading And the sh: But the loking-glass was In all different directions (While the cuckoo clock was cooking) And was making some reflections ing-mug was shavi king Then the inking-pad ceased inking, For the looking-glass was jibing That the drinkin More than it sh And the telephone was telling What was mentioned by th book was spelling ke them clearer. aglass was drivkir Jd be imbibing mirror, And the spelli All the words, te Yes, the writing-desk was writing All the looking-glass's gossip— All the innuendoes biting On the drinking-glass it saw sip ; And the prayer-rug was pr. That they should avoid a quarrel, And from all that they were saying Struggled hard to fetch a mor ‘Then the whisk-broom started whisking Back and forth to tell the others Of how much they all were risking When they should agree as brothers— Suddenly in came the mistress, And she halted at the border Of the room and said in distress, + Why, the place is in disorder!” EASY-MANNERED. #4 JIM SLINGER was an aw old sea-captain, reminiscently appre me once. Made his money out of patent stove-lid lifters + Wanted to see the whole thing, Jim did, and bought introduc- tions everywhere. Didn't seem to think much of old Europe, though, Jim didn't, Finally he actually got invited to a foreign prince's house. They sot there, chattin’. “Jim was great for settin’ with his feet up. there foreign prince’s views of life for quite a spell, and.then he swung them feet around and put ‘em in the prince’s lap. The prince jumped al easy-mannered man,” remarked the ive, ++ He crossed with He listened to that up, real mad. + What you mean by that?" he asked, excited. “+ Had to put ‘em up,” said Jim, + for comfort, and ev'ry other bloomin’ thing in this whole room looked much too val'able to put mon.” “He was an awful easy mannered man, Jim was.” OBLIVION. First author —“Oh, the unutterable monotony of existence! I am thor- oughly disgusted with it all. Would that 1 might com- pletely disappear for a while!" Second author —“ Then why don't you marry a fae mous woman ?" DANGER AHEAD. #sOU say your son has run away?” “Yes, Have you seen anything of him?" “No; but I wouldn't worry—he'll turn up all right.” “He certainly will— just as soon as I find him.” Juamie—"" Yes, A BAD FALL, Jimmie—" Ma and pa had an awful fall last night."* Erne.— Oh, Jimmie! did they break anything? They falled out and broke up housekeeping.”” LACK OF CONSIST- ENCY. NOTICED something awfully funny recently in a magazine that doesn’t pose as humorous,” said the home-grown philoso- pher, “There was a long article by some wiseacre telling how terri- bly ridiculous were the of- fers of advertisers who held indignant out the most impossible in- ducements to investors ot small amounts. The meth- ods of such alleged * fakirs* were simply cudgeled black and blue by this incensed muck-raker, | wit was a highly en- tertaining and enlightening One turned from determination article it with a never again to be an e. mark—turned from it, how ever, only to encounter in the advertise- ments of lutely guaranteed to-teach same issue who abso- JUDGE'S FAVORITES. ‘MISS LILLIAN CORBIN, WITH "THE VIRGINIAN,” Your art is quaint and true, Your grace and charm also. That s why we dig up dollars to Come out and see your show. men you or any one else how to become lavishly wealthy a short time by going into the real wherever you happened to be. There were a dozen other advertise- ments just as absurd and just as impossible from the standpoint of the fulfillment of their promises, which were made without any condition whatever except that the intended patron send on his little fee, etc. “The reader turned from the warning article to the flamboyant advertisements and back again, and wondered and wondered and won- dered which one was the joke and what was the answer.” ++ And what do you think about it?” asked the rubber man. Why, I think they were both jokes,” said the hom: philosopher with a smile. ++ The advertisements were jokes on the face ith no sense of humor will send their good And the exposure, by in state business just de grown of them, though people money to help maintain the suc appearing in the same issue with such advertising as it purported to expose, was a joke that was far sillier than funny. APPROPRIATE STA- TIONERY. FOR the sailor—Tar-pa- per. The balloonist—Fly. The banker—Note. The financier—Bond. The pugilist — Wrap- ping. The summer Sand. The bride—Linen, The miner,—Carbon, The plagiaris:—Copy. The husband—Ruled, isheries, girl— WHAT HE MEANT. Tramp —" Madam, 1 have come out of the wil- derness to locate work.” Lady —"Humph! Well, Ican give you plenty. Chop that wood and ™- Tramp — + Beg par- don, ma‘am. I said 1 was merely trying to locate it. Now that I know it still ex- ists 1 shall return to the wilderness.” comicbooks.com