Judge — November 10, 1906 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AN AUTO FIEND. #eTTHAT new sten ographer of ours is a very stylish speller. + What on earth is a stylish speller ? “Well, for in e, take the word She spells it + La-u-ffe-u-t JUST AS GOOD. Doctor —"You must go to a ‘rest cure." [twill only cost you $1,000." Patient—* But | can send my wife to Europe for less.” VANITAS. ey SUPPOS their Mayflower de- they proud of scent Proud! Why, they're as proud as if their ancestors came over in an automobile and speeding.” PRECEDENT. TANL taken with a pair of sa sister has, and he him- self wants a pair. His mother tries to dis- suade him, remarking that" boys don’t wear them.” tirely mistaken, mam- ma," Stanley replie sfor I've got a pi ture of G got ‘em on. were fined for is much als which his You're en «J, and he THESE UP-TO-DATE FLATS CERTAINLY HAVE ALL THE MODERN IMPROVEMENTS. ALL IN. 66 AQ RE the returns A ail in 2? asked the nervous candidate on the night of elec- tion, + Not quite,” re- his faithful henchman grimly, + but enough to show that you are.” plied ‘THE DIFFERENCE. New Yorker — “It takesa little m nt to run New York.” Kentuckian—<\t takes a great deal to run Kentucky. “IS MARRIAGE A FAILURE?” MAR. the colored maid, had. been neglecting her werk shamefully. Her mis- tress remonstrated but Finally Ma- carelessness called: forth a sharp rebuke. To soften the sting, the mistress alded, “Maria, 1 think you must be in love.” Maria, who was resting ruminatively on her broom-handle, drew herself up and replied with great dignity, Deed, ma‘am, V's a married ‘oman in vain, TRUE. NY one with half an eye can see why love is blind ‘THE HEIGHT OF THE CLIFFS. ESS-TIME was well over, and the men sat around the surveyors’ camp-fire, smoking and telling stories. They were in that region of the Rockies where the mountains are nearly as big as any stories that might be told of them. Johnson was talking. + By heck !" he said with feeling, «Ill never forget a trip I made up the Green River once. There was nobody but me and a mule, and the trail along the cliffs wasn’t wider than a ribbon, and so high up that it looked like a streamer from a flag-pole."” “+L know them cliffs," said Hoyt, whose greatest delight ordinarily appeared to be to differ with his fellow-men, ++I surveyed all over that section once for three months.” “Then you know they are up some,” Johnson went on, rather Pleased at this corroboration, for no story-teller likes to be under sus- picion, + Well, as I was saying, | was pi one day, leading the mule, when somehow or other he slipped and over the edge he went—a clean drop of two thousand feet to the river, beat- ing itself white on the rocks below. I let go of the reins just in time to save myself from being dragged over with him.” Everybody gave a sudilen gasp except Hoyt ++ It ain't two thousand feet,” he said calmly. ‘+1 guess it is," responded Johnson with the air of superior knowledge. “It can't be,” persisted Hoyt. ng my way along there + It would ‘a’ killed the mule." * © It did kill the mule !° Johnson almost yelled at Hoyt’s amazing stupidity. “Just the same, it ain't two thousand feet,” Hoyt insisted with annoying pertinacity. “Well, I say it is !" angrily exclaimed Johnson, jamming his heel into the ground for further emphasis ++ And I say you're a liar !* Hoyt came back promptly. Then there was trouble in the camp. ‘There almost always is at this point in the conversation of men of their elemental natures, After it was over and peace had come again, with Johnson's eye blackened and Hoyt’s face done up in court-plaster, a sense of embarrassment pervaded the company, and the resumption of conversation was lost in a silent but vigorous puffing of pipes. Presently Hoyt peeled off a strip of plaster that impeded his jaw-movement. + About them cliffs," he said slowly, but with unabated confi- dence ; ** they ain't two thousand feet high.” Johnson glared from under his mourning eye and started to his feet. ‘They ain't,” doyt went on steadily, + because 1 measured ‘em once, and the exact figgers showed nineteen hundred and ninety-seven feet six inches.” Everybody heaved a sigh of relief, which almost blew their pipes out, and Johnson stuck an amicable hand out to Hoyt, who smiled as if he had been enjoying himself. wf tanrToN HARD LINES. $+fM beginning to think that socialism is the only equitable system of "— at Scott, old man ! are you as near broke as that ?” comicbooks.com