Judge — November 10, 1906 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Matta ; Wf A = we) Yy \ AW FIRST AIDS TO BUSINESS. u—"" I didn’t have $500 worth of practice until | bought an automobile."* Aceo Invatin —"* Made your own patients, | suppose ?” Weatthy PHysician—'* Well, you see, I'd run over people, load them in the tonneau. carry them to the office and operate on them before they came to. Couldn't leave them on the read, you know.”” THE FUF-FUF-FATE OF REFORM. And ringing p Of sweeping T've been around the tut-tut-town 5 It lul-lul-hwsks the sus-sus-same. If there's reform it didn’t touch McSweeney's pup-pup-poker game! blast, ng was there ; V found it running full b And all the gug-gug-g: Old Mum-Mum-Mac was From hul all th’ side dud-dud-< Is open like the Then B-B-B-B-1.-B. Bill, N holds a city j-} » Explained that, while reform is here, Most all h It sus-sus-seer That fuf-t Another hobb May su does is rur-rur swe mum r folks had better take + then reform “sneak in by mistike, HOW DONALD AND DELLA SAVED UP FOR A DIVORCE. «+H. WHATS the utility, anyhow ?” snarled Donald Darlington to the lady who was his wife, His tone was Ibsenesque in the extreme as he blew smoke at the canary and continued, “You hate me and [hate you, so wherefore should we live together any longer? We have nothing in common except a few common, vulgar friends who have neither mone Let's get a Bernard Shaw separa- tion and be done with it, It won't cost me ‘any more alimonially than it costs me to support you now. Won't be much trouble about it. The court will give me the custody of the dog and you can take the Angora Isn't that fair enough? What do you say, love ?" Oh, but, Donald,” she answered quickly with a serious accent, s+in spite of the fact that I know you always use good judgment, and your opinion is always correct, I really do not see our way clear this time. We haven't enough capital to start the venture, Think to what the lawyer's fees would amount! You have always heen good to me nor education, cats, and [am willing to help all | can ; but it seems an impossible obstacle to scale at present.” “Where there is a scale there's a weigh !" ejaculated her husband, rising to his full (sober) height and throwiag out his chest—of old clothes—through the window, + Now, what have you to suggest that will raise the necessary kopecs ?” “Why, Donald, dear, really I can’t think of anything, unless per: haps, if you were to study law through a correspondence school, we could save the bulk of the legal e~penses. I have seen a course adver- tised for $7.50, I think “— “It isa sensible idea, dear, but impracticable—practically imprac- A jury is always prejudiced n attorney who fights his own case; it—I mean, if | were to I probably being the plaintiff, you see, all my study and stamps would have been wasted. ‘Think up something else.” His wife thought thoughtful-like for a while and then stammered, sant for me ; but 1 would be ticable. nd if we were io lose our s lose my suit + Wew-well, of course it would be unph willing to do your washing and laundry f you some neckties for twenty toward the divorce proceedings.” There was a small tear in one eye as she thought of the sacrifice she had just proposed —one of those Nest tears that take the lachrymal glands five minutes to deliver un. Splendid!" smiled Donald. + And TE know what il do, too. Instead of your paying that lazy, good-for-nothing janitor tramp, pay 4 and /will put the ashes out on the 220 will shovel it off a dollar a week and make ive cents apiece, and save the money me the twenty-five cents 4 wee sidewalk ; and when the snow is thick on the pi and get the fifteen-cent piece to put in my little bank, before struck me. Della, | am sure our separation will take, and I think we can be all cleared in about four years.” Wasn't Donald happy ! So they faithfully did as they planned for four short years, each saving every cent that each paid the other. in their golf-socks, hidden under the bed, to hire an attorney — a semi-law-school graduate who operated with a cigar-license. ‘Taking their counsel's advice, they selected the resident-janitor for the co- spondent in the case. Mrs. Donald would write letters and love-son- nets to the latter, and Donald would run down stairs and steal them (for Exhibit ++ A") before the jant. woke up in the morning. And the result—success ! All their friends attended the proceed- ings, and the event received many press notices. And they lived, ete. This truthful take is an example ot what a little co-operation will do toward a sepiration. M. WONT couwRLL. The idea never They had enough stowed comicbooks.com