Judge — September 8, 1906 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

225 Fousrm Ave.,Nxw Yous. Cante Appm Wastexs Anvernisinc Ornice: PUBLISHED WEEKLY “Jopocann.” Tr. 2214 Gramercy. 1313 Hartford Building, Chicago, Mh, TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS UNITED STATES AND CANADA IN ADVANCE. One copy, one year, orsenumbers= = se One copy, six me One Eonorean sates-acents—/ntermational News Company, Bream's building, Chancery Lane, EC, London : Brentano's, Avenue de "Opera, Paris The contents of FUDGE are protected by conyright in both the United States ant Great Britain. » otherwise return of the Latter when found unavailable cannot be guarantees. CONTRIBUTORS must inctose a stamped and self-addressed entbeiove with all manus DRAWINGS and all contribations sent to the Art Department should hare the sender's insure safe and promot retara of matertal not accented. name and adiness written descriotive letter-2ress shoald in very instance be written uron ils indrvidaal picture, and NOT upon a seoaraie si:o of pacer, PY, for thirteen wees be postal union, $5.50 a year. Saaréach's News Exchange, Mains, Germany. Infringement of this conyright will be promotiy and vigorously prosecuted. von each and every senarate sheich. The accompanying joke or Inciosure of stames to the fall amount of postage Is also reguiredy to 1 JUDGE canoot be found at any aews-stand, the publishers will be under obligations if (Rat fact be promptly reported on postal-card or by letter. AMUSING TACTICS OF SOME TRUE LEADERS. sain MR. BRYAN to Mr. Sullivan of Illinois, “* You get out. You can’t stay in the party that wants me for President.” Mr. Sullivan first got very mad; then he thought for a moment on the duties of a true leader of the people. After that he called the Illinois Democrats together in conven- tion and had them smite the floor and mop up the earth with the Nebraskan’s perfer- vid declaration of ouster. Mr. Sullivan then thought some more, smiled and wank his left eye, and got busy. The convention indorsed Bryan by about the same splen- did majority that it sat upon Bryan’s slo- gan of ejectment against Mr. Sullivan. Mr. Hearst of New York next arthurbris- banes Mr. Murphy, which is to say, pours scalding water on the gentleman, Then Mr. Murphy engages for a moment in ear- nest thought, after which this purple-tint- ed, flower-scented editorial appears in Mr. Murphy’s paper: ‘* It takes a great deal of strength of character for a man who is the leader of an organization to favor a man he always fought, because he knows and feels that the candidacy of that man is the best thing for the organization, the party and the people at large. The man who so acts in the very teeth of a personal attack on him by the man whom the people want rises above partisanship, above his opportunity to wreak petty venge- ance, and becomes the true leader.”” And so the true leaders keep ar- riving. Another dan- GIRL STRIKERS say they will pursue their employers. ger of unionism. HE “invalid crawl” is the latest style of walking for ladies. It is ac- complished by appearing to be weary, bending forward considerably, and dragging the feet. THE OPEN SEASON FOR POLITICAL RAINBOWS. WE ARE in the midst of the promise season of politics. The open time on political rainbows is marked by the month preceding the prima- ries and the time intervening between them and the ides of November. This is the golden time when candidates are at liberty to say what they are going to do for their constituents and for the republic. It is the glorious time when the office-seeker is without leash. He can do anything he is ‘smart enough to think he can do. JUDGE is not a candidate for any office. Nevertheless, in case anything should happen to the other candidates, he might enter the arena, and, anyway, there can be no harm in stating what he will do for the people if elected. We declare, then, that if elected: President we will make every workday a holiday, every rich man shall be chased down a cliff into the sea, and no man shall receive less than $100,000 a year salary. So long as we are in the White House one glad Fourth-of-July picnic shall prevail everywhere outside of it. If we are elected anything else, from President to pound-keeper, the same thing shall hap- pen to the extent of our power to make it happen. If the law and the constitution siand in the way of our programme, so much the worse for the law and the constitution. If the country wants the real political Santa Claus, our can- didacy is worth looking into. How EASY Hoke and Poke did the trick in Georgia! RANCE has her “Jungle.” Pepper is made of store-sweepings and lark-pie of horse-meat. We can’t beat that. Ciicaco policemen are shooting holes into autos that exceed speed limit. You've got to behave or get hurt in that town! ssNOT a man idle in Kansas,” says a head-line. And yet the Upsetters of prosperity go to and fro in the earth talking tariff reform. GOVERNMENT expert Hayes thinks the backbone of the country is a little shaky. Hence earthquakes. A little stiffening of the backbone of the country might do good all round. THE LESSON OF A WRECKED BEAUTY-PARLOR. [N SPITE of the efforts of the philosophers to settle the mooted question of the difference between man and woman, the subject will not down. The editorial page of every newspaper gives evidence of the recrudescence of the irreconcilable conflict. The New Woman naturally insists on mini- mizing and belittling the difference which man, now, as of old, seems bent on stoutly maintaining. JUDGE prudently holds aloof from the contest, but would, nevertheless, cite this little story from Boston and leave the reader to his own inferences: A lady went to a ‘‘ beauty-parlor”’ to have some amendments made to her complexion, and to have certain lines of her nose read- justed. The result, in the lonely light of her mirror, did not come up to the specifi- cations as she construed them, and she forthwith returned to the beauty-parlor and complexion-emporium and wrecked it. We argue nothing from this incident, but we venture to inquire, Would any man do that? For answer we point to the un- wrecked tonsorial establighments all over this broad land. The barber-shop is the masculine beauty-parlor. It is the one place where his complexion is beautified, the lines of his nose corrected, and his fa- cial frontage slicked up generally. Men by the million go to the barber, submit themselves to him entirely, and go away in peace. We tremble to think what might occur if an equal host of the opposite sex went every day to get a “‘hair-cut and a scrape.” HEN twenty men and women walk out together in Cuba it’s a revo- lution. Here it’s a picnic. cee ECAUSE she had to eat all the breakfast-foods and then ride a bicycle to beat off the “* cereal jag,” western woman wants divorce. And the judge refused it! eee AMERICAN enterprise abroad increases. Captain Boynton was just a special commissioner to “float the revolution in Venezuela financially and get things to going generally.” . T. LOUIS woman, answering two proposals, one with a no, tne other with a yes, got them in wrong envelopes, and, rather than make ex- planations, married the fellow she rejected. Now she wants to reject the fellow she accepted. Can’t suit some women. comicbooks.com