Judge — September 1, 1906 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

225 Fouwrm Ave.,New Youre. Caste Apparss, IV Ss PUBLISHED WENKLY JopcarK.” Tet, 2214 Guamencr. Wasrexy Anverrisine Orrice—1313 Hartford Building, Oricage, Ik UNITED STATES AND C. One copy, one ye" TERMS TO SUP RS AMADA IN ADVANCE. One copy, fix months, or 26 numbers - One copy, for thirteen weeks “RIPTIONS—To.al fore AN SALis-AcenTs—Undermational News Company, Breave’s building, The contents of FUDGE are protected by conyright in both the United States and Great Britain. CONTRIBUTORS must inctose a stamped and self-addressed enrelove with all manuscrints, otherwise return of the Lal DRAWINGS and all contribations sent to the Art Devartment should have the sender's fall name descrictive letter-ceess should in dbery instance be written upon its indrosdual picture, and NOT insure safe and promot return of matertal not accepted. Tnclading the Cnxtststas Juocr- postal union, $4.50 a year, risack's aden; Brentano's, Ave sins, Germany. Infringement of tus conyright will be promptly and digorousty Prosec when fount anrvailatle cannot be guarantees. .diress Yoritien plainly on each and every senaraie The accompanying joke or ‘upon a separate slip of pacer. inciosure of stames 10 the full amount of postage 1s also required, 10 1 JUDGE cannot be found at any ews-stand, the publishers will be under obligations if that fact be promptly reported on postal-card or by letter. W J. B. is here. Now let business resume. THe latest edict of fashion—If you want to be beautiful be slim. 'HE experiment of putting rubber noses on-monkeys to make them talk will be watched with interest. Perhaps it will be possible after that to reverse the invention and slow down the talking apparati of certain per- sons who are talking entirely too much. THE GREAT WORLD-TRAVELER IS HERE. ED !TORIALS have to be written before they are printed. It’s a handi- cap, an annoyance, sometimes a grief. At this moment it is to JUDGE a bitter limitation. Mr. Bryan is billed to reach this town on the very day this issue is published. But at this writing he is nowhere to be seen. A warm red blushes in the east, and the Atlantic heaves expectantly far to- ward the horizon, “ where ships do but nod in the offing and vanish.” All nature seems to say he is coming. But at this writing he is not here. In the circumstances, therefore, we must, in the words of Bill Nye, ‘‘ write of events before they happen with a master hand. If they do happen we are happy; if they do not happen we are resigned to the inevitable.” At the coming of the Invincible, the Eloquent, the Unsurpassed, we feel sure we can say, then, that all the pre-arrival discords, frictions and jars were for- gotten, everything had been amicably adjusted, and the seven wings of the Democratic bird of freedom flopped with a single flop. Whether Mr. Murphy or the acting mayor should be first to rush up the gang-plank and seize the outstretched Hand, who should ride with Him in the carriage, whether He should go to Jersey City and then to Newark, or vice versa— all these great oppositions had been ar- ranged. The reception was grand. Thou- sands wept when they saw and heard and felt and crowded every sense with the mighty import of the occasion. The Hon. Mr. Connors (not Chuck) was there, and Mr. Murphy sat up among the singers. And there was the Hon. Bob Davis of Hudson County and the Hon. Jim Smith of Newark, the great Democrat nationally and true Republican locally. The Hon. Hugh Dabbs of Missouri was there (we hope), and the Hon. Poke Boggs. But what’s the use of naming them? All the real statesmen of the country were there. Tody Hamilton,.with the accumulated circus verbiage of his whole career, could not do justice to that Grand, Solemn and Pecul- jar event. And the beauty of it all is, there was no politics in it. Everybody said so. Jim Smith said so, and Bob Davis said so, and Murphy said so. So we know it was just a simple sewing-circle—quilting-bee—corn-husk- ing—apple-paring—barn-raising—jubilee of a social time. Not a politic could be seen with the naked eye. Mr. Bryan made eight speeches in the afternoon, twelve in the evening, and will now begin the most grand, ter- rible, worid-dazing, magnificent, unapproachable oratorical tour this earth has ever seen. R. STOLYPIN thinks repression the only policy. making progress. Mr. Stolypin is How won- ASTROLOGER says stars declare the czar is in jeopardy. derful is astrology ! WEY is there always a ready sale for “confessions of the world’s most noted desperado”” when the libraries report almost no demand for the last volume of sermons by the Rev. Dr. Parkhurst? THE STANDPATISM OF THE HON. JOSEPH CANNON. +e WVE ARE willing to stand by the record” is the way the Hon. Joseph Cannon sounds the keynote for the Republican campaign. Not as spectacular as the declamatory propaganda going on under the auspices of certain notable reformers, but mighty sensible talk, this. Uncle Joe is a good deal of a reformer just the same. He is a reformer plus. He is able to point te reforms that are actually accomplished, or in course of accomplishment. Mr. Bryan projects a vast mirage into the future and makes it look very tempting. He says he will do something “both weird and strange”? to the railroads. But Uncle Joe points npt to what shall be, but to what is—viz., the rate bill, the most far-reach- ing legislation ever enacted for the control of railroad corporations, begun and finished by a Republican President and a Repub- lican congress. The Stormy Petrels of politics are spreading all sorts of vain de- sires and potted-ham notions, but Uncle Joe points to the universal bust-up and soup-house régime of the early nineties, and then to the wonderful era of undoubted recovery, progress and prosperity that began instantly with the inauguration of William McKinley, and is still with us. The standpatism that bets on no bluff, but actually shows the cards, is a winning proposition. BROTHER JEROME keeps nibbling at that nomination as if he really wants it. OSS DOWIE and Voliva have made peace, and will hereafter dwell sweetly together in Zion. Is there a suggestion here for some other bosses we could name? ARIE CORELLI says, “ To myself the personal self of me is noth- ing.” We have always said Miss Corelli would come round to a correct view of things sooner or later. THE LATEST AMENITIES OF DIVORCE. At THE END of a recent divorce trial, in which the wife got a decree and something like $30,000, the plaintiff, the jurors, the sheriff and his deputy, and the lawyers on both sides, had their pictures taken ina group. Then the jury shook hands with the fair plaintiff and wished her “better success next trip,” which was rather equivocal, seeing that she had been quite successful on the first trip. After this the jurors extended to the freed wife a cordial invitation to call at their homes and mingle freely in their home cir- cles. To cap the climax, the jury then ordered a watermelon feast at their hotel in honor of the divorcee, and had her, with her aunt and friends, as guests. Thus closed one of the happiest divorce suits we have known. The example will be emu- lated. We shall no doubt have printed cards shortly announcing the separation of Mr. and Mrs. Soandso, and requesting the pleasure of your attendance at a little divorce spread in honor of the occasion. The presence of the jury, the sheriff and deputy, and the contending lawyers contributes just that final touch that gives to an event distinction. comicbooks.com