Judge — August 18, 1906 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

EUPHONY. ssHE EATS pie for break- fast,” they say to the beautiful young thing who is going to be introduced to the man, ‘How uncouth!” she shudders, “But he is worth forty millions,” they continue. «Ah, he is not uncouth,” her mother says gently. «He is merely eccentric, Millicent, dear.” NATURE STUDY .VERSUS GEOGRAPHY. ALL the wiles known to ped- agogy being exhausted in an effort to make the class name the most southern cape of South America, the teacher asked disgustedly, it do cows have ?” A hand waved frantically in. her face. “Calves !"" was the eager JUDGE'S FAVORITES. VIRGINIA AINSWORTH, PLAYING ON THE KEITH cikcurr. We have not been to see your show. In truth, we hear it’s dangerous, For we are told by those who go That just your smile brings down the house. reply. THE “LITERARY PAGE.” Why have we no American literature t— Old song. 66LJERE'S a yar about an author who was caught in manner neat In articulo scribendi with a duck between his feet ; And another on the salads certain writers will not eat." Sunday editor loguitur— Just run it on the literary page." “ Here's a note on how to hemstiteh and one on ‘Baling Hay"; An essay on the Beef Trust, a modern ‘ problem play.’ Here's an ‘Edith’ poem, written by an Edith ; subject ‘May, Sunday editor loguitur—* Just run ‘em on the literary page.” «+ Tuberculosis Cure,’ * The Senate's Crime,’ and ‘Soups: ‘Three Hundred Ways To Cook Them,’ + Is Dame Fashi A novel by Fitzsimmons ; some hig reporter's scoops Sunday editor loquitur—* Just run that on the literary page.” Wearing Hoops?” “ Here's some stuff about the unions, and ‘Autos Old and New’; «The Care of Hens,’ *Success’ tales, and advice on what to do Sunday editor loguitur—V'd put them in the waste-basket, I thin were you, Or else run ‘em on the literary page." , if A PROMPT SALE. F4YOU advertise that you guarantee these bathing-suits,” she said. “What do you mean by that? In what way do you guarantee them?" “We guarantee them to shrink, madam,” courteously replied the merchant.” + You may send me one.” THE ACTOR'S WOOING. ¢¢D)ARLING, your make-up has put an S. R. O. sign on the box- office of my heart, and I want to team it with you till the cur- tain rings down on our little comedy. We may not be able even to rattle around in a $1.50 house, but we can put an act on in one that will make the ‘legit "look like a pasteboard that the manager turned down. Let's put our names together on a three-sheet and send slows to our friends announcing that we'll open to a solid booking for life, with a first-night reception in the wings. We don’t need an angel to float this show, for you're one now; and if you'll play Juliet to my Romeo, I've got the props to start the show. Come, now; give me the cue."” IT DEPENDS. Sue—'t Isn't kissing perfectly silly? He—" Yes—when others do it." WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN. ‘in a moment of weakness I +6 ALAS *” confessed the penitent man, stole a car-load of brass fittings.” «In a moment of weakness ?” exclaimed the judge. have taken if you had yielded in a moment ** Goodness, man! what would yo' when you felt strong DISAPPOINTMENT. Mr. Verycarerut (to his new man)—" Willlam, do you smoke?" Wiitiam (with large expectations of a perfecto)—"* Yes, indeed, sir!” Mr. Verycar _rut—"* Well, here ts a box of safety-matches. I allow no other sort on the premises.” comicbooks.com