Judge — August 18, 1906 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUBLISHED WEEKLY 25 Fourtn Ave.,New Yorx. Caste Appnras,“Jopcarn.” Tr. 22 Wasrexs Aovexnisn UNITED STATES AMD CANADA IN ADVANCE. ‘One copy. FOREIGN SU Evnorean sates-acears—/ntermational News Company, Broam's building, Chancery The contents of FUDGE are protected by conyright in both the United States and Great Britain {CRIPTIONS—To Ee Ornce—1313 Hartford Building, Chicago, Ub, TO SUBSCRIBERS: 2 na $500 * 135 ve postal union, $5.50 0 ¥ London > Drentano's, drenue de” Opera, Paris . Mains, Garmany, Infringement of this covyright w CONTRIBUTORS must inclose 4 stamped and seif-adiressed enrelove with all manuscrivts, otherwise return of the Latter when found unsvailatle cannot be guarantees. DRAWINGS and alt © inations sent fo the Art Department should have the sender's fall name and asiness ‘written plainly on each and every separate shetch. The accompanying foke o descrivtive letler-tress should in evers instarce be writien uoon its indroidual picture, and NOT woon a seraraie slip of paver. Inciosure of stamps to the fell amount of postage 1s also reauired, 10 insure safe and promot return of material not accepted. 1 JUDGE cannot be found at any news-stand, the publishers will be under obligations If that fact be promptly reported on postal-card or by letter. HOW TO GET A BOOM A-BOOMING. R. WILLIAM TRAVERS JEROME lately took a little turn through the south, and now a very lively gubernatorial boom has marked him for its own, while in the distance a shadowy Presidential boom looms murk- ily, Mr. Bryan, a little while ago, was editing his paper, planting potatoes, choring round the farm, and lecturing up and down the earth between whiles. Then he went for a little run around the world, and see what happened. We draw from these and a multitude of similar incidents that dot the near-reaches of memory’s landscape that the way to start a boom a-booming is to go on a tour, take a little run around the country, strike out for somewhere, and keep talking. Mr. Rocke- feller went to France almost a tainted mil- lionaire outcast. He comes home another man, chatty, amiable, reduced in fortune, and fairly immune to muck-rake wrath, Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and distance lends enchantment to the view; but a deeper mystery must be explored to explain why a mere going and coming by boat, or train, ot auto has this happy power of transforma- tion, Mayor Belcher was known only in Paterson, New Jersey. He lit out one day for Canada, and the whole country knew Belcher henceforth. Some of the most obscure people have found the spot-light of publicity by such a simple expedient as a step over the border. The lesson is plain. Don’t stand like a hitching-post. Go somewhere. Take a trip. Drive round the ruralside and drink buttermilk with the plain people, and talk. Talk all the time, about everything. This means action, and action is motion, and motion is heat, and heat makes hot air, and hot air is a boom. M® STOLYPIN is holding on mighty tight, anyway. THE WAIL OF A LONESOME DEMOCRAT. “The Democra like sheep havs gone astray.’ because they have po leader, no or- gatization, no formulated purposes, no visible object in vie 1y are incoherent in the sense that they don’t stick together, and ir the other sense that their utterances have become a od unintelligible as the cries of a victim of water on the brain. They are in a coa- captured by the Grst comer, to be Founded up by anybody that comes aiong the Where are they? In the HEN the Democratic New York Times throws fits of such hopeless violence over the lost and undone state of the grand old party of Jefferson, Jackson, Bryan, Hearst, and Connors it’s time for public sym- pathy, We take It from the quoted paroxysm that the case, from an inside view, stands as follows: Democrats are sheep. They have gone astray. They are without leader, without plan, organization, or object. When they say anything they are incoherent, and when they don’t say any- thing they rave and Jabber. There are no intelligent Democrats now. Such as had intelligence are Republicans, and presuma- bly abide In intelligence. But what strikes us as cutious is that the woozy; daffy crowd left can be captured by anybody who has a" few collies and a bag of salt.” We never knew before just how you go about rounding up a Democrat; but now we have it on the authority of a Democrat of the inner temple that a" few collies and a bag of salt” will do it. Why does the Times wail round in the purlieus of such a bedlam when it might laugh and grow fat among intelligent folks? H AVE you campaign-funded yet? Mr. Sherman needs that dollar. eee E HEAR that Mr. Roosevelt does not intend to run again. In fact,we hear it quite frequently. THE CZAR finds it rather “damp” at Peterhof. Probably he'll find it pretty warm and muggy wherever else he goes. se THE Democratic party has no Phagocytes!”” exclaims a Cleveland regular, Well, it has Hearst and Bryan, and Mr. Connors of Buf- falo, hasn’t it? «sGHERBIE” BECKER, the boy mayor of Milwaukee, thinks the old government will be able to scrub along for years and years yet. Sherbie is a part of the government and ought to know. WE'VE GOT 100,000,000 YEARS BEFORE US. Tue DISCOVERIES of science multiply. Dr. Gustave le Bon brings matter to our attention with such vivid treatment that we feel shocked when we learn that it is an entirely different matter—that is, matter is not what matter was once supposed to be. Our fathers thought they knew ter, but if our fathers could come back now they would not know the matter their more scientific descendants are acquainted with. Professor Lankester also tells us some startling things about matter. For example, the notion that the solar system is a huge mass slowly cooling off is very firmly fixed in the popular mind. The older scientists stood for the idea of gradual refrigeration, and explained many things thereby not otherwise explainable. The concept of a polarizing earth is the most definite, clear- cut piece in the whole intellectual furnish- ings of the commonalty. But it is a mis- take. Since the advent of radium science has learned that the earth does not cool. One per cent. of radium would not only prevent cooling, but the solar mass would grow hotter. With this goes another uni- versally accepted belief. We have supposed that by and by, owing to the universal frost, life would cease. The date of the end of things has been variously fixed at from 10,000 to $0,000,000 years distant. Essays, poems, sermons, books have been written about the day when the sun will grow cold and our old earth become a mere icicle-grove—a bit of glacial ornamen- tation on the porch-roof of the universe. Professor Lankester says the world is not cooling off, and the end is not likely to come in 100,000,000 years. It’s cheerful news. What's the use now of hurrying? We've got millions of years longer than we thought we had. R. JOHN D. ROCKEFELLER is getting to be such a nice, talkative old chap. UST think of it! With all the wonderful things we have on exhibition just now, Dr. Augustine Henry is coming all the way from London to look at our trees! eee THE KAISER says this talk about cutting out armies and war and guns and all that bloody business is an international pest. It’s all in the way of looking at it. 64 NORTH ADAMS, Massachusetts, man has offered Uncle Sam a $30,000 post-office site for nothing,” says a dispatch. We believe it, but we are glad we haven't got the job of proving it. comicbooks.com