Judge — August 4, 1906 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“ PAW Le er? 1, A LAND-BREEZE. “+ think she'll go just lovely!" erled little Bobby jer. SOLVED. aad | HAVE solved the servant problem,” said the woman with the compressed lips and the determined eyes. ** You have ?” asked the other person. «I have. When things get to such a pass that the hired girls want three days out in the week, want the use of the parlor every other night and Sunday afternoon, want me to play soft love-songs while they are entertaining their beaus in the kitchen on other evenings, in- sist on the privilege of dictating what groceries and meats I shall buy, claim the right to wear my clothes and bonnets, dictate whether or no Ishall keep a dog or a child, succeed in having my house decorated and furnished to accord with their tastes, and—— Well, when things are as they are, I am just "—— « Not going to keep servants any longer?" “« Better than that. Iam going to hire out as a servant and enjoy life!" : THE AWAKENING. WE SAT together on a dreamy beach And heard the chubby Cupid soft- ly preach Of love's sweet strife. In ecstasy I clasped her to my breast. “Dear one!" I cried, “seek you this peaceful rest For life?” “Ah, yes!" she sighed, and thrilled my throbbing heart. “Our blended souls can never thrive apart, My love, my own!” But when September came that August peach Went back to town and left me on the / beach iy Alone. Pennine Loses. ‘THE NEWEST TYPE. Se HAL: doctor that exam- ined me told me my heart was beating at the rate of 150 per minute." ‘Well, he’s the worst circulation liar I have ever heard of.” HOW HE GOT IN. ssLJOW did you get -“H into this coun- try ?"" asked a reporter of a Chinaman, + Was it through the open door 2" ~ “No; through a chink,” replied the Mon- golian tersely. Micpreo—** Nonsense! insufferable bore | know."* ‘THE EVENING STRUGGLE, ITS sad to see young Newlywed Each evening as he laburs To try and make his little lawn Look better than his neighbor's. ‘TOMMY GETS INFORMED. “Yes, Tommy.” “What is Roquefort ?” “Spoiled cheese, my son.” “And what is Limburg- “Spoiled Roquefort.” PROOF. ‘ HAT reason have you Ww for thinking that the thief who entered your house was a locksmith by trade?" asked the detective. “Why, I saw him make a bolt for the door,” said the vic- tim cf the robbery. EQUALLY WELCOME. Cnouty—"'I thought perhaps you had a preference for Bobby Jones?" You are just as welcome here as he is. Why, he is the most 2. A LAND-BREEZE. But she began to sail like ‘*sixty"* before he reached the water. THE REMNANTS WERE THERE. JAMES CARDINAL GIBBONS of Baltimore, the highest Catholic prelate in America, has a keen sense of humor. Recently he was the guest of a layman friend, Frank Murphy, in Roland Park, Balti- more’s most beautiful residence suburb. In the Murphy home is a butler of Mrs. Partingtonian proclivities, and on the church dignitary’s former informal visits to the Murphy home its mistress had been under the necessity of reminding the obtuse servant that the distinguished guest was to be addressed always as «your eminence.” On the present occasion, when the cardinal rang the bell, the mza of impassive countenance answered, received the card, and, turning, announced to Mrs. Murphy, “ Please, mum, your remnants has came.” No one enjoyed the joke more thoroughly or laughed more heart ily at it than did the g> nial cardinal himself. FATE OF A MED- DLER, [8 DUE time the wo- men came into au- thority and power in the courts, and the first cul prit haled before them for punishment was man who had spent life advocating dress-re- form for the fair sex. “*Wretch that you are," decreed the stern lady who presided on the bench, «the decision of the court is that for the term of your natural life you shall be permitted to wear none but waists that button up the back —and that you be com- pelled to button them yourself.” JERSEY WISDOM. First mosguito— “Say, Spiker Bill, king of the drill-gang, says he knows a place where seven fat people sleep without covering and with the screenless win- . dows raised to the limit. Second mosguito— «Say, my boy, don’t you know any better than to listen to the hot air of these get-rich-quick sharks?” a comicbooks.com