Judge — August 4, 1906 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A FEW THAT ARE BARRED. se] HAVE a joke here, Mr, Ed- HARD PLACE TO FILL. 46 PID youse avver- D tize fer a boy, mister?” «I did, me lad.” “Does youse reckon I'd do fer de place 2” “That depends, me son.” ++ D'pen’s on wot, mister?” “1 want a. boy who can write a plain hand, run_ errands, and do anything that is honorable prompt- ly and_ successfully. You must always tell me the truth, no mat- ter how many errors you have made, I want a boy to be clean and careful in Jhis personal appearance, a credit to himself and his employer. He must be clean inside and out, clean in speech, never saying a single naughty word of any sort. He must be always polite and gen- tlemanly, and never quarrel with anybody under any circumstances, He must not be afraid of me or impertinent to me. He must respect and obey all his superiors quickly, willingly, intel- ligently. I want a boy Ido not have to watch. I must feel that he will do his own work and do it right, and that when he gets done the task I assigned him he will immediately seek something else to do for me without telling. I want him always to be busy. I want him always to help any one who is at any task at which he can be of assistance. I want him always to be ready to do whatever is asked of him, whether or not it is his own regular work. I want a boy who will always con- sult me in matters of doubt, yet who always depends upon himself and is self-reliant. I want a boy who will do the work better than I tell him to. I want a boy who will not loiter when sent on an errand; who is always cheerful and quick. There must be nothing frivolous about his behavior at any time. He should always be at his post of ae | I should never have to won- Ww: y itor". + Anything in it about the trees leav- ing in the spring No, sir.” Anything about fishing and the re-bait 0, sir.” “Anything about muck-rakers ?” No, sir.” “+ Any references to the United States Seriate being interest- ed in trusts, etc. ?” “No, sir.” “Anything about summer boarders 2” “No, sir.” Anything about summer-resort fishing 2” No, sir.” “Does it in any way bring in the henpecked husband or the mother-in-law 2” “No, si * Any allusions to race-suicide or the word stren- uous?” sir.” Has it anything to do with women’s clubs ?” sir.” ‘Then for heaven's sake let's see it! be a real joke.” It must EXPERIENCED, Miss Wier Brive—'* George wants me to decide where we shall go on our wedding-trip. I can't make up my mind.” Mrs, Mucrweo— What's the matter with Switzerland? That's where / usually go. HE meanest of all men who edit Are those why clip and don't give endit. der for a moment where he was if I wanted him. He must be respectful and yet have spirit enough to let no one impose on him. I want a boy who is never late at his work—not even a moment. Here is the first task, if you care to undertake the job— « address these three thousand JOO SES ACANORITES. MARGARET ILLINGTON IN “THE LION AND THE MOUSE." envelopes for’ me before noon. It is not yet quite ten o'clock.” “Say, mister, jest a word wid ye before I went. Dey’s We like to loan our best to John— Our Cousin John across the sea: For when it comes to actresses A joyous, right good soul is he. And so we sent you, Margaret, To make our London cousin merry, To say he Itked your little play Is stating the fact mildly, very. on’y one chap dat cud hold dis job, an’I un'erstand he’s got anudder stiddy sit.” “Who is he, me lad.” «De angel Ga-breel.”” STRICKLAND W, GILLILAM. And the boy departed in disgust. AN ODIOUS COMPARISON. sePOESNT Scrubbly look cheap beside that magnificent, well-dressed wife of his ” “I should say so! He looks like a bar-tender’s shirt-stud beside the Koh- i-noor.” THE CLERICAL OPTIMIST. Bachelor—« It's my opinion that marriage is a failure.” Clergyman—You are decidedly wrong. My last month's wedding-fees will buy my wife's clothes for a year.” SPEAKING OF SUMMER RESORTS. Dear Juvce—If a fellow gets a biff in the eye and It swells up like a mountain, doesn't it naturally follow that the other side of his face is the see-side? Yours truly, Georos Gao, Vaudeville Comedian. comicbooks.com