Judge — August 4, 1906 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUBLISHED WEEKLY 225 Founrm Avz.,New Yorx. Castz Appzzss,“Jopcamx.” Txt. 2214 Grawxncr. Wasrexx Apvexrisixc Ornce- um ‘One copy, one year, or $2 numbers - = One copy, six months, or zonumbers = = eee ‘One copy, for thirteen weeks 1313 Hartford Building, Chicage, Tt, TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS: STATES AND CANADA IM ADVANCE. Sioa ty20 elena ang s bes including the Cwstsraeas Juoce FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS—To all foreign countries in the postal union, $5.$0 a year. Evnornan satas-aceors—Jutermational News Company, Bream's building, Chancery Lane, F.C. London : Brentano's, Avenue de i" Opera, Paris: Saarsach's News Exchange, Mains, Germany, The contents of FUDGE are protected by copyright in both the United States and Great Britain. CONTRIBUTORS mast inclose a stamped and self-addressed entvelope with all manuscricts, otherwise return of the Latter when found unsoailabie cannot be guaranteed. DRAWINGS and all contributions sent to the Art Department shoutd have the sender's full name and address ‘written plainly on each and every separate sheich. The accompanying Infringement of this conyright will be promptly and Pigorously prosecuted. fote or descriotive letter-press should in dbery instance be woritien upon tts tndtoidaal pictare, and NOT upon a sevarate slip of paver, Inclosure of stamps t0 the full amount of postage (s also required, 10 accepted. tnsure safe and prompt return of material not W JUDGE canact be found at any sews-ctand, the publishers will be ender obligations If that fact be promptly reported os postal-card or by letter. THE VALUE OF VARIETY IN POLITICS. ECRETARY TAFT’S PREACHMENT to the people of the south on the value of diversity in political faith is not particularly new, but it is exceptionally timely. Leaving one side the more serious aspects of the problem, we venture to ask the southern people how they get any fun out of politics when they all believe one way. See what fun we northerners have. In fact, for years at a time politics, except for an occasional first-class murder or divorce trial, gives us about all the fun we have. If anything could present a more dreary and blighting prospect than a one-party north, everybody believing the same way, all prejudices stoutly bound together in one bundle, everybody breathing out fire and slaughter on the same subject, we cannot imagine it. That’s the reason the south- erners have to get out every now and then and burn people at the stake or hang them to telegraph-poles, or do some other out- landish and wholly unnecessary thing. It’s against human nature to be all one way all the time. Having no excite- ment of the kind we get here in the north over our ringed, streaked and speckled politics, all standing together in a kind of tropical Sahara of dead- level uniformity, they go on as long as they can, and then nature revolts, and the next morning, instead of finding somebody running for the legis- lature on a reform ticket, or a new sheriff in the field, or something like that, the observer hears of some poor devil hanging to the limb of a tree, riddled with bullets, or sees a little mess of smoking ashes over in a field. Let the south diversify its politics and this sad business will be no more. T'S a great day for statistics. They figure, for instance, that the salva- tion of a Bowery bum costs twenty-one dollars. ON THE RELATION OF RELIGION AND HUMOR. JUOGE has received a letter which has occasioned him some concern, along with considerable amusement. A young man from somewhere in the great corn-belt (not to locate him too precisely) has written to us. He says he would like to read JUDGE every week, but that his parents, being very religious, have refused to let the paper enter their home; conse- quently the young man has been obliged to gain access to the paper by stealth and with the connivance of a neighbor. This plan is liable to dis- covery at any moment, and the young man feels that it would be wiser to resort to some more skillful tactics, and asks us to become a party thereto. In short, we are asked to send JUDGE to a neighbor more distant still, where the young man may have access to it without fear of discovery. Of course, JUDGE is too honorable to enter into any scheme to de- feat over-solicitous parental discipline, but what annoys us is the attitude of the par- ents toward this paper. From a not incon- siderable acquaintance with religious folk, JUDGE herewith declares that true humor is a next-door neighbor to religion. We go further and say that the better a man is religiously the better he likes a good joke; and the better humorist a man is the better he likes good religion. JUDGE makes no concealment of his gratitude in the fact that among his warmest friends and admirers he counts a host of the clergy, a regiment of Y. M. C. A. boys, many a pious deacon, and countless others of the straightest sects. seNO HOPE for Bryan,” says Debs. Well, that settles it. TALKING of presidential candidates, there is Watson and Tibbles. Or is it Dibbles? AND then, too, how utterly tame a murder-trial would be without the handwriting experts! How to beat Hearst has come as near uniting the Democracy as any- thing we have known in years. ONDON thinks Mr. Roosevelt will have to run again. They sometimes see things in London that we don’t see here. IF ANY notable pyrotechnics appear to the west this month, remember that Uncle Joe’s boom is to be set off somewhere in Illinois. eee EVERY MAN HIS OWN Lé¢.NGUAGE-BUILDER. SINCE the new spellers have commenced their work of language-fixing, there is no telling where the sacrilegious performance will end. To the majority of people language has all the mysterious charm of a totem. They do not know where it came from nor what it is, but they regard it with reverential awe none the less. But now the edict has gone forth that the language must be changed, and everybody has a guess. We have had Volapuk and Esperanto, and now we are threatened with Glan-ik. Glan-ik is to be the lan- guage of trade. It conforms to the condi- tions of the most practical languages, viz. : It is condensed, regular and euphonious. Such a language must be built as a lan- guage grows, which is by “selective ag- glutination.” To show what economies are to be subserved by Glan-ik, an illus- tration of its condensing power may be cited. A man dug a well, put a force- pump in it, covered the well with a log hut, and bored a hole in one side of the hut, through which the water was let out into a trough. The Indians named the inventor of this pump ‘ Min-u-taz- ze-pah-we-chox-cha,”’ which, in plain English, meant “the old man with the log house in which is the iron thing which shoots out water as bows. shoot.” These are the beginnings of language. Glan-ik takes that raw material and condenses it into“ Thwerb,”’ and that means all that the other does. Hurrah for Glan-ik ! HAvE to get a fur coat for that Bryan boom. slightly chilled of late. BEGINS to look as if the Russian officers that were not killed by the Jap- anese are to be executed at home, so as to make a complete job of it. eee OW beautiful to see the Honorable Charles Warren Fairbanks stand- ing sociably by the Indiana roadside drinking cup after cup of butter- milk and chatting with the neighbors. eee HICAGO MAN, refused admission to penitentiary, threatens to break in. If he can’t break in he will build a little prison of his own and lock himself in until he'feels that he has been sufficiently punished. You can’t beat Chicago. Pas HE LATEST social edict calls for a different dog for each change of costume. One of these fluffy gowns, for instance, requires a fluffy Pomeranian, while a tailor-made demands a Boston bull, and a long train naturally calls for a dachshund. Seems to have become comicbooks.com