Judge — July 7, 1906 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

25 Fourrm Avi Western Apvern One copy, one year. or ‘One copy, six months, One copy, for thirteen Toclading the Cuniststas Juocm FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS—To all foreign countries in the postal union, $6.$0 a year. Evnortan satas-acuwre—/nternational News Company, Breams building, Chancery Lane, E.C, The contents of FUDGE are protected by copyright in both the United States and Great Britain. London : Brentane’s, Avenue de" Opera, Paris: Ssarback's News Exchange, Mains, Germany, Infringement of this conyright will be prompity and vigorously prosecuted. CONTRIBUTORS must inciose a stamped and self-addressed enidelove with all manascriots, otherwise retzm of the Latier when found unavailaNe cannot be guaranteed. DRAWINGS and all contributions sent to the Art Devartment should have the sender's full name and adress Ywritten plainiy on each and every separate shetch. The accompanying Joke or descriptive ietten-oress should in ébery instance be written upon its indoidual picture, and NOT upon a senarate slip of paver. Inciosure of stamos to the full amount of postage (s also required, #0 insure safe and promot return of material not accented. MW JUDGE cansot be fousd at any sews-stand, the publishers will be under ‘THE UNITED STATES IS WHAT UNCLE JOE SAYS IT IS. HEIR one hundred and thirty-first independence day finds the American people in a rather flustered state of mind. With the furore of expo- sures still about our ears, we almost seem to ourselves to be a ravenous bunch of grafters—a mean, sordid, mercenary, soulless lot. We have been held up to baccalaureate scorn and excori- ated in some thousands of graduate theses, and everywhere, in pure circles, the feel- ing prevails that we have gone to the bad altogether. Even Mr. Ivins, the late New York mayoralty candidate, has been preaching a little sermon to us, in which he catechises us with such solemn and searching solicitude as to our real moral estate that he-leaves with us only terrify- ing apprehensions. Perhaps we are not good any more. Maybe the old saving virtues are gone away out of us. Indeed, in a general way, this is the doctrine that has now been preached up so long that it is taking hold. The dollar rules. America stands for commercialism, and this is only another name for greed. On the other hand, the German ambassador has been telling us lately that America stands for idealism; that he has studied us and knows. We ven- ture to say that the ambassador's view is the simple truth, and that the detractors of our own blood, the projectors of doleful, jeremiads, the criers of wrath and promoters of sackcloth, are as wrong as men ever were. We take it that the characteristic thing about our day is the returning power of vision, the dreaming of new dreams, the prospect of lengthening vistas of individual, industrial and social progress. The new wine of fresh ideals has made some drunk, some quarrelsome, some crazy, and other some merely gloriously inebriated and happy. There is the whole truth. It is a day of idealism. We are on the move. The country, in the vigorous strophe of Uncle Joe, ‘is a h—I of a success.” Things which seemed all right a few years back are all wrong in the eyes of a generation newly dowried with fresh visions. To the patient, instructed and philosophic mind, the independence of 1906 is better than that of 1776. NEED AN EARTHQUAKE TO CURE THEIR GRIEF. QUEER bit of news is that from San Francisco, that only three sui- cides occurred in the sixty days following the earthquake, whereas the A normal expectation of self-destruction in the nine weeks was in the neigh- borhood of a hundred. In other words, the appalling calamity, instead of stampeding thosz hent on death, almost entirely effaced the suicidal mania. Prior to the earthquake about two people every day took their lives. We know that suicide is a slow delusion. Its victim generally harbors the thought of death for many months, even years. When the quake arrived there were, according to statistics of previous suicides, at least a hundred persons in the city so near to the fatal resolve that by this time they would haye carried it into effect. One would say that the catastrophe, falling upon those very persons, precipitating them all the deeper into the pit of despair, would have caused them to rush forthwith to the cold hospitality of the grave. On the contrary, it.must have braced them up, dissipated their gloom, and set them in tune with the Id once more. Of course there is a les- . here, bit who shall say what it is? Certainly life could not have been easier by the earthquake for any one. >The bane of life to many, no obligations if that tact be promptly reported on postal-card or by letter. .doubt, is its sameness and tameness. The dull round, the annoyance of little troubles, the chafe of every-day ills, debts that nag and pester, drive many to death, The most effective cure for a thousand little griefs is one big, overwhelming grief. Then, too, calamity always makes good times. A curious anomaly of our economic system, surely! But it is true. Work is plentiful. The haughty get down off their stilts and the lowly are treated like real people. What a pity it is that it takes an earthquake and a fire to put a city or a nation into a brotherly frame of mind, to make liv- ing a blessed thing, and to assuage in joyless souls the passion to be quit of the world! AFTER all, the Fourth isn’t so bad—after it is over. ONE HUNDRED Cleveland teachers resigned to become June brides. Is this the new idea in education we are hearing so much about? JUDGE'S SECOND CHOICE FOR A DEMOCRATIC TICKET. JUDGE feels that the Next Step, the thing upon which our future hangs, is to furnish the Democracy with a safe and sane pair of candidates. Last week we suggested Bryan and Hearst. Good! But is the Demo- cratic host to be shut up to a single selection? It is unreasonable. There is no chance for a good old-fashioned row in such a limited choice. There must be more—hundreds of them. The woods are full of presidential timber. Everybody must have a show. JUDGE takes pleasure, therefore, in hazarding a second guess, viz.: Bryan and Watterson. Our first selection was silver and gold; our second is milk and honey, food and sweetness, the strong meat of Big Ideas, and the soothing-syrup of a chivalrous presence. The head of the ticket is a talk- er—a glorious talker, but not more glorious than the other. Marse Henry is not only atalker, but a rhapsodist. Thus the ticket stands Talk and Talk, Milk and Honey. What a splendid headship! Then there is the North and the South. This unites them. Marse Henry once fit the Nebraskan, but now they are at peace. But a little while ago Marse Henry”s full quota of language was against the Nebraskan; now it is for him. What could withstand the Courier- Journal dictionary? Nothing could. In the interest of a spectacle whose magnificence cannot be imagined beforehand, we demand to see Marse Henry’s full vocabulary in action. G> SPEAKING of the Bryan boom, what a lot of conservative Democrats are eating crow nowadays. BR S! (ORGE FRED WILLIAMS is on the talking-line again. Seems like the real good old times. YAN bought his clothes in Vienna, eh? Plain American clothes son’t do. And he the great Commoner! IGNS of next campaign appear. One straw vote for President has al- ready been taken, Walk-over for Roosevelt. EUROPE is feeling mighty pleased over our meat scandals. doesn’t like to see a free people enjoying too much prosperity. THE WHITE HOUSE is leaky, it is said, and the President isn’t doing anything about it. This fact doesn’t gee with that proposed tour of the country next year. - — Europe