Judge, 1906-06-23 · page 6 of 16
Judge — June 23, 1906 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three humorous short pieces typical of Judge's satirical style: **"A Very Unusual Summer Tale"** mocks romance and class pretense. A wealthy-seeming man courts a "summer blonde" at a resort, proposing marriage with an elaborate diamond ring. The twist: he's actually a dry-goods clerk, not the wealthy heir he claimed. The story satirizes both the deception and the woman's acceptance of the false courtship despite the man's actual modest station. The humor relies on subverting reader expectations about romantic conventions. **"Self-Protection"** and **"Afraid They Might"** are brief joke pieces about domestic life—one about tolerating bad cooking to avoid worse leftovers, another about a summer boarder fleeing a boarding house after witnessing violent family quarrels, fearing he'll soon be treated "like one of the family." The **"Before and After"** illustrations at bottom show a house before and after installing an electric light plant—satirizing the dramatic appearance change new technology brought to suburban homes. Overall, these pieces mock social pretension, domestic realities, and the promise of modern conveniences.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
A VERY UNUSUAL SUM- MER TALE. I" WAS at a summer resort in Rhode Island, that state long noted for having more capitals than any other equal given space, always excepting, of course, one of George Ade’s fables in slang. She was a bewitching summer blonde and he was a tall, dark, distin- guished -looking young man, They were very much in love. The man told the maid of the enormous wealth of his father, described his fine position in society, and spun fine yarns about the European trips on which they would go when they were married early in the fall. In due time the young lady was the proud possessor of a diamond ring of forty-candle power, which she sported on her engagement finger. Every fair night the loving couple could be found gazing at the stars from one of the numerous rustic summer-houses on the spacious grounds of the sea- side resort. Here are a few stars for you to gaze at, gentle reader, while we rally the forces for the finale : . . . . . . . . A bewitching blonde sweeps majestically into the dry-goods de- partment of a large store in the metropolis. Even a cursory examina- tion is sufficient to satisfy one that she is our heroine of the seashore. Behind the counter stands a tall, dark, distinguished-looking man, WHO IS THAT MAN? You lose. We philopenaed you that time, dear reader. It's dollars to spring poems you thought the man was the hero of the summer at the seashore. But he isn't. ‘No, sirree. The blonde is visiting the dry-goods store to purchase her wedding- trousseau. This latter dark man is a clerk. Another constellation : . . . . . * . * Late in the fall, when the sad sea-waves were hopscotching over the ocean-bar at the watering-place, and the Mamie Taylors and Gin Rickeys had got a change of venue from the bar of the summer hotel to bars in the city, our summer girl and summer man were married. They lived happily ever after. You didn't think they were going to— now, did you? The soft tales the man whispered into the maid's ear about his father’s wealth were the goods. This is an unusual but truthful story of a summer girl and summer man. Do you believe it? Rasorr—'"| guess this is what you might call a hare's-breadth escape, eh?"* SELF-PROTECTION. se YOU say your wife is a poor cook 2" «« The worst ever.” “And yet you say that you eat all of everything she prepares for the table. How can you do that if she can't cook 2" * “Great earth, man! if I don’t she will use up the scraps in some of those how-to-utilize- left-overs dishes, and that will be my finish.” AFRAID THEY MIGHT. 4s]F YOU come out to our place we'll treat you like one of the family,” the farmer had said to the prospective summer boarder. He had gone on that cor- dial recommendation and was spending his first night under that hospitable roof. Before he went to sleep he heard the old man cuss his wife, who gave him a mighty good imitation of a tongue- lashing in exchange ; he heard the old man administer the barrel-stave treatment to one of the boys, the mother spank a good-sized daughter, while two other of the children engaged in a rough-and-tumble fight as the finale to a loud-voiced quarrel. Before the morning light had lent its glow to the east the summer boarder had arisen and hiked hence, leaving orders for his trunk to follow. He was afraid they would begin soon to “treat him like one ot the family.” awe NO INTERMISSIONS. 66 }JOW are you, Mary ?" I inquired cordially of my last summer's washerwoman, who was the pride of the Cumberland Moun- tains. «* And how is John ?” «He's dead." “Dead? Too bad! pathized. . **No-o; I's married. So you are a lone widow again?” I sym- I keeps married.” ‘THE CLOSE OF THE SERVICE. 66 /HY does she always go to church just as the people are about to come out?” “« Because she only cares for the clothes of the service.” BEFORE AND AFTER. ‘This ts the way our house looked every evening for the month following the installment of our new suburban electric-lighting plant. And this is the way it looks since we got our first bill.