Judge — June 2, 1906 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

‘THE DIARY OF JULIUS. (Being certain fragments dug up from beneath the ruins of the ancient Roman forum.) anuarius 3d. DROPPED into the back room of Fillium Glasso’s saloon to-day to see it any of the’ boys from the city- hall push were there. Thad a HER RAINBOW. 66 LTE is my rain beau,” she re- “+ He blushes redly when he sparks. At times it may be plainly seen That as to woman's wiles he's green. When I smile on another fellow scheme which had been knocking around in the back of my head for a day or two, and T wanted to have some of the wise ones dope it out With jealousy he then is yellow Until he thinks Iam not true, And then he is the darkest blue.” MISJUDGED. +6MR- GLIBBSUM,” she said after he had talked for me and decide for twenty minutes of her great if it was the real beauty, “everybody says you inspiration or the re- are such a flatterer.”” mains of last week's jag Mr. Glibbsum lifted his The first man I bumped hands deprecatingly and was into was Spurius Jag- about to defend himself when givs. she continued, + Hello, Jule!" says he boisterously. _+* What is it?” “But I believe you are a I backed him up in a corner and shoved a schooner into his hand, sincere, earnest man. Pardon Our crowd can always listen better with its nose buried in a flagon, me. Did I interrupt your re- ++T've got a great scheme, Spurius,” said I, “and it’s this: Let's get marks?” a franchise from the city and org&nize a syndicate with a capital of and build a subway through Rome and re- It would be in the nature of a public bene- JUDGE'S FAVORITES. MISS LOTTIE ALTER IN‘ CHARLEY'S AUNT,"* AT THE MANHATTAN. THEATRE. Your name is Alter, But your charm no alteration knows. You deftly wield some magic art ‘That drives away our woes. GOOD ADVICE. F THE average woman would spend as much time and thought in the selection of a husband as she does in selecting her trousseau there wouldn't be so many divorces. seventeen million sester lieve the congestion. fac"— Spurius Jaggius set down his empty schooner with a bang. “You mean well, Jule,” he said, «« but your system is all wrong. I_know a better one than that, and there’s no work in it. A friend of mine has invented a machine called the automobilius. We will turn ‘em loose on the streets, charging fifteen sestertii per license. The opulent will take to them like a hired man to hot biscuit, and fifteen sestertii per automobilius will beat your subway scheme a block and a half, Eh?" “But about the congestion "—— I began; but the great statesman stopped me. “When a string of automobilii has passed through the streets there won't be any congestion in Rome,” he said. + And besides, think of the rake-off we'll get on the burial-permits ! Whereupon, almost in tears, I ordered another chalice of HOW I EARNED MY FIRST DOLLAR. HENRY H, RoGers. the same. T WAS with a feeling of awe mixed with nothing—awe straight, awe without a chaser—that we were asked to wait in the drawing-room of Mr. Henry H. Rogers. Others had in- terviewed him, and he had talked to them all, from ‘Tom Law- son, the Boy Reporter, down—or would you say up? Yet con- centrated essence of awe imbued us. We were about to meet a humorist ! In less time than it takes to tell it at space-rates, Mr. Rog- He seemed glad-to see us, which portended evil. Magazines go to ers came in. We have learned to distrust outward show. great lengths of honeyed phrase in rejecting manuscript. It causes them endless regret—sometimes a closely-printed page ot it; one is cast down at having made an editor feel so broken But an acceptance is brutal in brevity and cruel in coldness. Often it merely says, + Inclosed find cheque,” etc. This observation is apparently irrelevant and is not particularly original, being but a corollary of the * appear- ances-are-deceptive "theorem ; but it flashed on us at Mr. Rog- ers’s obvious cordiality. _Instinctively we felt failure. + Mr. Rogers,” we began, “how did you earn your first dollar Ido not remember,” replied the great capitalist. “Surely,” we said, you cannot have forgotten that. How did you earn it?” +:On advice of counsel I refuse to answer.” +Come," we continued ; «it was a historical event. It is important not only to you, but also to humanity and posterity.” ++I must decline to answer on the ground that it might in- criminate me.” . ++ But surely," we ventured, © you must recall it. It cannot be so long ago. How old were you when you were paid the first dollar that you really earned ?” “Twenty-three !" almost shouted Mr. Rogers. We did, PRANKLIN F. ADAMS. up; and everybody is sorry. TOO BAD. “How are your memory-lessons turning out?” “Awful! To-day is my birthday, and | remember how old | am with such hor- rible distinctness | am afraid I'll tell the truth.”