Judge — June 2, 1906 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Ar Tux Panxxe Borepinc Fourrm PUBLISHED WEEKLY VENU® AND NINWrRENTH StaKKT, Naw Yous. Wastexw Anvexrisinc Ornice—1313 Hartford Building, Chicago, It, TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS: UNITED STATES AND CANADA IN ADVANCE. Ove copy, one yes ‘One copy, six montis FOREIC One copy, jor thirteen weeks jocloding the Cumesrstas Ju SUBSCRIPTIONS—To all foreign countries in the postal union, $6.§0.a year. Evworean sates-acenrs—International News Company, Bream's building, Chancery Lane, F.C, London : Brentano's, Avenue de t' Opera, Paris: Saaréach’s News Exchange, Mains, Germany. The contents of FUDGE are protected by copyright in both the United States and Great Britain. Infringement of this conyright will be promptly and bigorously prosecuted, CONTRIBUTORS must inctose a stamped and self-addressed erioeiove with all manuscriots, otbertwise return of the latter when found unavailatle cannot be guaranteed. DRAWINGS and all contribations sent to the Art Department should have the sender's fall name and adéress Ywritten plainly on each and every separate sketch. The accompanying Joke or descrictrve letterpress should in ébery instance be written upon its indéviseal picture, and NOT upon a separate slip of paver. inciosure of stamos to the full amount of postage 1s also required, 10 insure safe and promot retarn of material not accented. If JUDGE cannot be found at any eews-stand, the publishers will be wader obligations If that fact be promptly reported on postal-card or by letter. HOW SHALL ONE GENTLEMAN CALL ANOTHER A LIAR? 'HE RECENT FURORE in the senate having subsided, it may be in order to discuss the question, How shall one gentleman call another aliar? We recall that on five occasions President Roosevelt has seemed to want to say something cutting to people. We judge that Mr. Tillman has desired to do so much oftener, and an outsider gets the impression that in the recent vocal fracas nearly everybody called nearly everybody else by some more or less endearing epithet. We could wish that the presidential exigencies might call for such usage less frequently. We feel that the White House could employ some simpler code for catapulting the executive displeasure. At all events, if the habit of plain speaking is to persist, it would be in the interest of the public welfare to invent some blander formula for home-thrusts. We would suggest the adoption of the Chinese practice. By borrowing some- thing of the oily method of the orient an administrative or senatorial censure or excoriation might hereafter run something like this: Most high and reverend descendant of the three yel- low dragons—Humbly and with my heart knocking against all the four corners of my being, | humiliate myself in the dust and beg to convey to you, whose worth and might and virtue are ten million times greater than my own, my deep joy in knowing that you have honored me so far as to say things which are utterly and absolutely false, etc. Something of this kind must come, or gun-play is not far off. cee 'HE dulcet strains one hears to the southward are former Governor Bob Taylor fiddling his way to the senate. HAT Russian douma sounds so much like doom that one wonders whose * doom it is to be, the czar’s or the douma’s. THE MUDDLE MADE BY THE MUCK-RAKERS, AN OLD-FASHIONED CITIZEN has recently addressed the following indignant letter to the newspapers What in the devil is the matter with some of the newspapers? Here we have a magnificent country, a great, prosperous nation. It is hourly growing in wealth, and our people were never better paid, and never should we be a happier or more whole- some and united people. Yet on every hand is the very devil to pay. The people’s brains are on edge. They are constantly harried by demagogues and con- scienceless newspapers.” On the other hand, we have people without number tell- ing us that we never were in such a lost and undone state, industrially, socially and politically, as at this time. Now, what is the ordinary man to think? Are we so happy that we don’t know it, or are we miserable but so callous that we do not feel our wretchedness? We may have to call in an expert and have some sort of an autopsy, so that we, the American people, can tell whether we ought to rejoice or weep. Meanwhile we ought to congratulate our- selves as a people that the furore of expo- sure has come upon us at a time of such prosperity that we can do our muck-raking without passion or bitterness. There are wrongs to be right- ed, and it is a rare piece of good fortune that the work of righting them has fallen on peaceful times and between campaigns. REGULAR John Alexander Dowie of a time they’ve been having down in Washington. What? EVERYBODY in New York, no doubt, will be glad that the Funeral Drivers’ Union strike is over. ND NOW the “‘ yellow dog’’ is yelping in Brother La Follette’s pre- serves. Somebody ought to chain up the “* yellow dog.” IR SAYAJI RAO IIL, Maharaja Gaekwar, Sena Kas Khel, Sam Sher Bahadur, Farzandi-Kas-i-Dowlat-i-Inglishia Broadwayed, subwayed and strap-hanged with us recently. cee THE RESIGNATION of Miss Mary E. Byrd from the faculty of Smith College because she will not accept tainted money in her pay-envelope should strike terror in certain quarters. But will it? eee MR. GAINES SAYS CONGRESSMEN ARE COWARDS. DURING a recent debate in congress Representative Gaines of Tennes- see exclaimed, ‘* Why do we sit here like a lot of cowards and raise everybody else’s salary and not raise our own?” “ Because we want to come back here,” interjected Mr. Sims, also of Tennessee. Apart from the interjected exclamation, we see here the real limitation of the legislator’s power. Anybody can go to Washington, from any part of the United States, and and an equal chance of getting a good slice of Uncle Sam’s annual largess of a billion, while the congressman who wields the slicing-knife can cut not so much as a crumb for himself from the public loaf. It’s a pity, also a great hardship. But Mr. . Gaines himself gives the cause—cowards. A strong word, but it tells the whole story. Were they not cowardly what riches con- gressmen might appropriate for themselves and their families! Why vote $400,000 for a post-office at Squedunk when they might vote it to themselves? Why turn over $850,000 to scoop mud out of the Sassafras creek when they might order it into their own pockets? There are other men in the community, with no legislative functions at all, who manage the business with infinitely more shrewdness. eee 66 MAGAZINE explosion mistaken for’a quake,” says a newspaper head-line. Name of the magazine not mentioned, nor the extent of the damages. THE CZAR sits at a telephone in his palace and listens to all that is said in the douma. The czar doubtless feels that he may be called upon at any moment to stop this douma. . PROFESSOR JAGGER of Harvard and Boston is setting up a labora- tory for the study of earthquakes. Persons having earthquakes for sale will do well to call upon Professor Jagger. KANSANS object because Bill Sapp, Democratic chairman, wore a tile hat and Prince Albert coat. Curious either way, that the Kansans should object and that Bill Sapp should wear these things. THE HOPES of the Russian people now rest with men of such names as these: President Muromtzeff, Deputy Anykin, Professor Groedekoul, Peter Dolgoroukoff, Prince Shahovsky, and Mikhailechenco,