Judge, 1906-03-31 · page 4 of 16
Judge — March 31, 1906 — page 4: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three distinct satirical pieces: 1. **"Heard in the Slums"** features two Chicago slum boys in a rapid-fire verbal sparring match about whose family member is "maddest." The humor relies on working-class dialect and the absurdity of competitive insult-trading. 2. **"Reversed Axiom"** shows a woman returning from a club, humorously suggesting she's "behaving like a human being again"—satirizing contemporary attitudes about women's social activities. 3. **"Filial Pride"** mocks a dilettante's son who boasts about his father's minimal inheritance, with the joke being his pride in having virtually nothing. 4. **"In Suburbia"** depicts a homeowner blaming the builder for shoddy construction, using the phrase "pen-sis cranks" (likely a period slang term). The page uses social class commentary and domestic humor typical of early-20th-century American satire.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
HEARD IN THE SLUMS, TWO little smut-faced urchins of the Chi- cago slums were quar- reling when the follow- ing spirited conversation was overheard : “I'm mad at you,” began the first boy, stick- ing his tongue out as far as he could. An’ I'm mad at you,” came back the answer as quick as a flash. “* Me brudder’s mad at your brudder," was the next remark after a little wait. “ An’ me brudder’s mad at your brudder— so there, now!" replied the second speaker. “ Me mudder‘s mad at your mudder,” was the next remark made by the person of the first part. “Shure, an’ me JUDGE'S FAVORITES. EMMA FRANCIS, SOUBRETTE AND WHIRLWIND DANCER, NOW ON THE KEITH CIRCUIT. ‘Swift are the days, and swiftly pass the years, ‘And our hard cash, as it swiftly disappears, Helps us to conceive of rapidity. But la! young miss, When first your dance we saw We whispered to ourself jn awe, “We never havd seen anything that's quite s0 swift as this.”” mudder ’s mad at your mudder,” was the retort. This was a poser for the party of the first part, but it kept him guessing but a moment, when he triumphantly exclaimed, “Me hull family ’s mad at your hull famil This was too much for the party of the second part. nothing further to say, and the only satisfaction he had was that of making sundry wry faces at his companion as he -an home. He had FILIAL PRIDE. s“THE trouble with you,” we say to the dilettante son of the plut crat, ‘is that you want to begin where your father leaves off. “Not much,” he retorts with a proud expression ; not much. Whenever the governor leaves off there isn’t anything left for anybody else to begin with,” A y OW te | al Rei > REVERSED AXIOM. Mrs. Porxer (to Mr. P., returning from the club at two a. m.)—" There you are—behaving like a human being again!” FROM A SOCIETY DICTIONARY. BALL—An affair of Scotch or Bourbon ; usually a fizzle. Chaperon—A bluff, Débutante—A girl coming out ; usually head and shoulders out. Divorce—A pre-nuptial ceremony. Divorcee—One whose sentence has expired. Fiancée—One who looks for trouble. Musicale—A conversazione with accompaniment. Reception—A function given by a hostess who wishes to snub a few people. dal—The things * they say." Smart set—Those who know more than they ought to and not as much as they should. Wedding —An overture to divorce. iy = WH: YUU? an ii {t | IN SUBURBIA. Mr. Gorrstux (enjoying first winter m his suburban home)—" Say, my dear, the builder who put up this house must have been one of those pen-air cranks.”