Judge — March 31, 1906 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

——— KX PUBLISHED WEEKL’ Ar tux Parr Burepixc Fourrs AveNcx axp Nixereestu Staxer, New Youn. Wasteax Apvartisine Orrice 13143 Hartford Building, Chicage, lil, TERMS TO SUBSCRI UNITED STATES AND CANADA IN ADVANCE. One copy, one year, of s2 numbers - os One copy, six m ‘One copy, for thirteen wee FOR En worean satns-acents—International News Company, Bream's building, Chancery Lane, F.C, London : Brent The contents of FUDGE are protected by copyright in both the United States and Great Britain, ¢ SUBSCRIPTIONS—To Tne Cumestinas Jupce. ‘countries in the postal union, $6.50 a year. 1, Avenue del" Opera, Paris: Saaréack's News Exchange, Mains, Germany. Infringement of tis cooyright wil be promotiy and Pigorously proseculed. CONTRIBUTORS must incose a stamped and self-addressed ertvelove swith all manascriots, othefise return of the Latter when found unarvailatte cannot be guaranteed. DRAWINGS and alt contribations sent to the Art Deoartment should have the sender's full name and adiness Yoritten plainly on each and every separate sketch. The accompanying joke or descnotive letter insure safe and promot return of material not accepted. MR. CARNEGIE’S NEWEST PHILANTHROPY. HE SIMPLIFIED Spelling-board, Mr. Andrew Carnegie’s newest phi- lanthropy, is now well under way, and with the ample purse of its author behind it ought to produce in time remarkable changes in the Eng- lish language. We are rather surprised, however, that the Laird of Skibo did not hit upon a more effective scheme, which, like the killing of two birds with one stone, would have destroyed our his- toric tongue and at the same time proved an inestimable boon to literature. Mr. Zangwill, Robert Barr, and many other authors of repute have suggested such a scheme. They say if Mr. Carnegie will give to them the $15,000 a year which he is willing to devote to the overthrow of English as she is wrote they will spell their English any way he likes. Queer that Mr. Carnegie did not see how much simpler such a method would be. The man who gave $10,000,000 to broken-down pro- fessors could thus corral the makers of literature and have a new spelling introduced forthwith, and at the same time boost to affluence a class which deserves a good square boost, if any- body in this world deserves anything. With becoming delicacy we would suggest to Mr. Carnegie that this very line mite be speld enny wa that wood soot him if such a skeem ware now opperative and effektive, as abuv owtlined, with the orther that is skribbling these few wurds. For $15,000 a year any respectable writer, eager to improve our mother-tongue, would, we dare say, forward his manuscript to Mr. Carnegie and let the gentleman fe-spell the words to suit the Simplified Spelling-board, or any other board. Authors, as a class, are a reasonable and a teachable lot if you go at them in the right way. CHICAGO AND THE BACK-YARD BEAUTIFUL. CHICAGO is giving us most of the good things nowadays. As a centre of Uplift and originator of the Next Step, the city by the lake has left Boston and Butte far in the rear. The idea which is now coruscating up and down the metropolitan press under the initials M. O. came from Chi- cago, and so did the beautiful prophecy that the future man will be a bird. All our latest theories about women, it will be noted, come from the World’s Fair city. The theory, for instance, that the girl of the future will pop the question and take the lead in affairs generally, and the theory that a divorce option ought to be included in the marriage contract, are clearly of porko- politan contrivance. And now comes the Woman's Outdoor Civic asso- ciation of the western Gotham with its crusade for the Back-yard Beauti- ful. We are far from any desire to ridicule this movement. On the con- trary, we wish to see it prosper. For the most part the urban back-vard ts a disgrace. The ash-heap, the tin cans, the garbage-barrel with the broken hoops, the inevitable junk-pile, and the general air of laisser-faire, make it not only gross and unsightly to the eye, but a menace to health. But an artistic treatment of the back-yard is not the principal need. For example, we do not advocate a pink ribbon tied round the ash-barrel, nor a running vine over the junk-pile. It is not sufficient to put little impressionistic landscapes on the garbage-can, nor do we approve of let- ting back-yard spaces to the itinerant col- or specialists who make interurban and broken-down barns and fences spectaculr and useful. If the back-yard is to be beau- tiful it must be given over to a radical treatment at the hands of the prac- tical artist who for one-fifty per day will come at eight a. m., fold his coat and lay it on the back step, light.a short pipe, place a wheelbarrow in an easy, waiting attitude, adjust a plain iron shovel, and get busy. 5 should in ébery instance be wnitlen upon its indrostual picture, and NOT upon a seoarate slip of paver. Inciosure of stamps to the full amount of postage (s also required, 10 «4 FLOPED in a Cabin; Returns in Steerage,” says a head-line. Pretty fair definition of elopements generally. THAT labor parliament is getting right down to business. bill of $1,500 per is being pushed along energetically. The salary WE ARE now able to see why that Dalrymple report was segregated by Mayor Dunne for a season. They were trying to beat it. X-CONGRESSMAN’S SON, sighing for the quiet life, joins our army. Proposition to increase army is therefore an aid to the quiet life. CUBA had its San Juan Hill and now the Philippines have a Dajos Hill— but whether they have the same feelings toward the two hills we haven't time to inquire. A SIDE-LIGHT ON THE TENDENCY OF THE TIMES. STUDENTS of the social drift often fail to look to the right sources for phenomena to supply evidence for their investigations. Who would think to interview the ticket-seller in a theatre, for instance, in searching for light on the alienation of the sexes and the increasing disposition of both to side-step the marriage altar? And yet read this: ‘In all the years that I have been handling tickets I never sold so many single seats as I have this season,” said the man in the box-office. ‘* Each sex seems to take its dramatic entertainment separately. The men set the example. Some unsociable chap steals out to see the play alone; then the girl who should have been his companion is also compelled to playa lone hand. The strangest part of it is that the unmated couples do not come to the theatre in parties made up of mem- bers of their own sex. they used to do. “Give me a single seat’ is a popular de- mand for both afternoon and evening per- formances, from orchestra to second bal- cony.”” We see only one explanation of this astounding condition. When fellows. no longer take their gals to the show it is bad enough. But when the fellows sneak off and go alone—girls, what are we com- ing to! There is but one way to meet this ominous secession of the male man. If the girls would prevent further catastrophe they must act at once. Since the boys will no longer pay your way to the show, you must pay their way for the time being until you have recovered control of the situation. Remember, the boys have been putting up for you a long time. Certainly you can stand the expense for a season or two, until the present schism is healed. “THERE'S one word Mr. Carnegie couldn't spell in any simpler way that we can see, and that is ** graft.’ eee A PET DOG gets $20,000 and a horse $300 a year by a Chicago man’s will, How much better off lots of folks would be if they were pet dogs or horses! THE GRAVE with the union label has arrived. The union baby having appeared some two years ago, the principle of unionism ought now to be considered as fairly victorious. . NEW YORK Stock Exchange seats can now be had for $80,000. We note the recently-expressed fear that said seats will soon cost as much as a seat in the United States senate. EW JERSEY SENATE wanted to “humanize” the death penalty, so it voted to tie the victim in a chair and turn electricity into him instead of putting a rope round his neck and choking him, comicbooks.com