Judge — March 24, 1906 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUBLISHED WEFKLY Ar rue Paneer Burepinc Foumrm Avencn axp Nixereestu Staxer, New Youn. Wasrexx Aovextisine Orrice—1313 Hartford Building, Oticage, it, TERMS TO SUBSCRIDERS: UNITED STATES AND CANADA IN ADVANCE. Ove copy, one year. or s2 numbers - One copy, six month, or 26 numbers = ‘One copy, for thirteen w FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS—To EUROPEAN SaLms-AGENTS—/ntermational News Company, Bream's building, Chancery Lane, E.C. London : Brentano's, Avenue de t" Opera, isratas Juoce. foreign countries inthe postal union, $6.90 year. ihach's News Exchange, Incloding The contents of FUDGE are protected by copyright in both the United States and Great Britain, Infringement of this conyriyht will be promplty and bigorously prosecuted. CONTRIBUTORS must inclose a stamped and self-atdressed ertoeione with all manuscriots, otherwise return of the Latter when found unavailable cannot be guaranteed. DRAWINGS and alt contributions sent fo the Art Decartment should have the sender's full name and adsress Ywritten plainly on each and every descrivtive leter-oress should in ébery instance be torilien upon its indroidual picture, and NOT upon a separate sli of paper. insure safe and prompt return of material not accented. THE POLICY OF PILING UP WAR-CLUBS. SEVEN YEARS AGO the nations got together at The Hague and took steps toward bringing about an era of international peace. Since then the great powers have increased their annual naval expenses about fifty per cent., their army bills about thirty per cent., and the greatest war of history has been fought. Now another Hague peace conference is in prospect— which suggests the inquiry whether it would not be cheapet to head off and side-track peace conferences in the future. The proposition to spend $50,000,000 on some new coast fortifications for ourselves is of a piece with the general drift. We love peace, but we feel safer with a cannon poking its nose out of scarped and embra- sured masonry. Just now the policy of the civilized world is, Don’t fight, but keep everlastingly getting ready for it. One nation builds a battle-ship, and every other nation then builds two. This, of course, requires that the first should build three. It is like two boys collecting clubs to lambast each other with. Each is looking for something bigger and more terrifying. “ Next thing you know Vil hit you with this,”” says one. Then it’s up to the other to find a young tree and come back with the defiant “ And if you do I’ll give you a bang on the head with this.”” By and by, unless something happens to bring them together, the boys get tired of their braggadocio and wander off. But nations never get tired. They keep right on piling up clubs—and the peo- ple foot the bills. wee R. SHONTS points out that he never blamed Mr. Wallace. Gracious! is Shonts going to quit, too? A VERY NEAT, chic spring style among Russian women of a revolution- ary turn of mind is that of wearing a bomb in the hair when calling on governors and office-holders. THE RECENT CONCLAVE OF THE NEXT-STEPPERS. 'HE RECENT CONCLAVE of reformers in the Stokes mansion at Noroton, Connecticut, while without any immediate result, is a hope- ful sign of the times. It is becoming increasingly evident that the world must be reformed. So much must be conceded in simple fairness to the numbers of earnest souls pledged to the work. The serious problem now before us is whether we shall be reformed by the reformers acting singly or collectively, whether we shall let the job to an individual or school of the promoters of the new and untried, or contrive to have them all col- laborate and produce a more varied and composite Utopia. The latter will un- doubtedly commend itself to the judg- ment of the majority of us. Since we are to be made over let us avoid sameness as much as possible. There is too much of that now. The Stokes-Hunter plan strikes us as both happy and hopeful, even though it is for the time being resultless. Noth- ing can be pleasanter than an occasional convention of what has been facetiously termed the “ Heart-Throbbers.”” They meet in a spacious private anansion and consider the Next Step. Next-Steppers would be a good name for them to adopt. Such sur- *roundings predispose the mind to richly- upholstered views of life, and old gold and antique effects would inevitably creep into whatsoever scheme for a remodeled world the conclavists might hit upon, separate shetch. The accompanying joke or inciosare of stamos to the full amount of postage (8 also rrauired, 10 HURRAH for our Agricultural Department! It has figured out a pucker- less persimmon. IcE ten dollars a ton. Why? Well, you see, it cost more to freeze it the past winter than usual. ee AND NOW a Philadelphia woman dies of * adiposa dolorosa.’”” Neigh- bors said she was too fa ° NCLE JOE CANNON’S Presidential boom makes its bow to the'pub- lic. Mlinois’s Favorite Son is the name it goes by. EW WRINKLE in divorce trial: Husband brings satchelful of dishes into court. Wife threw them at him. All broken. Old-fashioned, heavy kind. Gets decree. A GOOD WAY TO BOOM SOUTHERN COTTON. ONCE in a while somebody hits off a battle-cry, slogan, or trumpet-call that seems like the real thing. The News and Observer of Raleigh, North Carolina, has had this good fortune. We are asked to do so many things these days that we don’t want to do, to follow so many leaders we don’t believe in and shout for causes that don’t seem to fill the bill, that it is a pleasure to find a leader with a cause and a battle-cry that meet in perfect sanity, reasonableness and practicality. - This North Carolina prophet suggests that if the Chinese would add two inches to their flowing outer garment, sometimes called a shirt, the south would have the biggest cotton boom ever heard of. Think of it—just two inches added to the cotton shirts of 400,000,000 people! Fashion, all- powerful in the occident, ought to be able to lengthen the oriental shirt two inches and not half try. The Chinese shirt is a gar- ment that would take easily and naturally to extensions. In fact, a few inches would improve it, and this little item of elonga- tion would hold southern cotton at fifteen cents for ages! And increase the acreage, too. Here is a practical, sensible, realizable scheme. Longer Shirts for Chinamen! Now, altogether, . 66 PLEASE put something in our hose” is the newest-fangled idea for collecting funds to pay off the church mortgage. Pittsburg girls originated the scheme. ‘ X-BOSS COX of Cincinnati did a little graft business of $7,000,000 a year, says his chief agent. No use in talking; those Ohio people cer- tainly know how to do things. . NEW YORK MINISTER walks into parlor at ten and says to his daugh- ter and her beau, * Will you join us in family prayers?” New York ministers are awful shrewd people. Wwrer little things change history! Chicago druggist, forbidden to dry his duds on radiator in Grand Central station, New York, chases home and turns municipal ownershiper. SFE THAT J. D. Rockefeller has given $35,000 to help the young men of Tarrytown, Who is this man Rockefeller? Not the old skinflint the papers keep telling us about, surely? eee OMAN has no soul, concludes extraordinary scientific book of a Ger- man. Some of the words used in reaching this conclusion are * jdioplasm,”’ ** gonochorism,” ** arrhenoplasm,”’ and * chemotaxis.” We ask no further proof.