Judge — February 10, 1906 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

POOR MAN! HAT would he do if woman Should leave the world to-day— Ifall man’s pleading couldn't Prevail un her tu stay? What would he do if woman Should drop her household cares, Her church and social duties, And go some otherwheres? What could he do in kitchens? What could he do at teas? What could he do with babies And other things like these? Who'd make excuses for him? Who'd keep him nice and trim? ‘Who'd go to church on Sunday, Who'd wait.up nights for him? O-h-b What would he do if woman Should leave? Well, what he'd do Would be to grab his baggage And follow p. d. q. wee THE HUMOR OF THE UN- ABRIDGED. Gladys—* Mrs. Lakeside was idly glancing through her dictionary the other day when a humorous circum- stance struck her forcibly.” Grace— And what was that? Gladys—* She found that ‘divorce’ came before ‘ marriage.’ " MADE NO DIFFERENCE. MR MOLDER,” said the editor-in-chief to the editorial writer, you may prepare a column leader on the question of the territorial and civil government of China.” JUDGE'S FAVORITES. ROSE STAHL IN “THE CMORUS LADY.” You're going to London in the spring Well, take these words as a warning: The Britisher can't stand a joke As strong as we can. Hence a stroke Of apoplexy may lay low The Britons who come to your show. Be careful, Rose. Adopt this plan: Act half as funny as you can. THE AUTHOR'S WOES. WHEN he took his first manuscript to the publisher that wise man looked it over and said, “Very good—very well written; but, you see, the idea is too old. We must have new ideas, The public is tired of the old forms.” Thanking the publisher for the sug- gestion, the ambitious author returned to his home and struggled manfully with another story. This, also, he took to the same publisher, who looked it over and said regretfully, “The story is clever and is well told; but, you see, the trouble is it is along such new lines that the public would not appreciate it. It’s too new. I'm sorry to decline it.” Thinking that a great light was breaking upon him, the ambitious au- thor went back to his desk and wrote a third story. This the publisher exam- ined, then handed it back, saying sadly, “It is a splendid story, but the trouble is it is along the lines of what everybody is writing. Why don’t you avoid the common rut?” Whereupon the ambitious author wished that he had been born so long ago that the too-old story would have been all right, or that his entry to this life had been deferred until such time as his too-new story would have found acceptance. He then went out «+ But I don’t know anything about it,” replied Mr. Molder. “That's all right. Neither does anybody else.” Gawor—"' Doan’ look ter me like he wuz much ob a bird-dawg, Unc’ ‘Rastus. into the turmoil of business life and organized a trust that smote the publisher hip and thigh with exorbitant prices for white paper. PA EXPLAINS. $6 PA, what is force of habit ?” “« Well, my son, it is the thing that makes a man say he doesn’t believe anything he reads in his newspaper and then act as if he be- lieved the whole of it.” A FINE BIRD-DOG, SURELY. — Dat haound ebah fool yo" ?’” Uncte "Rastus—" De neahest dat dawg come ter ‘ceivin’ me wuz las’ Satahday. He come to a p'int contagious to a wagon. Ah went an’ looked, an‘ wot yo" ‘spishun wuz in dat ar wagon? One ob dem fool incubatin’ machines. dawg, Gawge.”* “Peahs ter me dat wuzn't sech a ‘scrutiatin’ bad guess fo" a cullud