Judge — February 10, 1906 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Sr Sao — = PUBLISHED WEEKLY Av Tue Parxer BUILDING, FOURTH AVENUE AND Nixereesta STREET, New York. Wasrexx Avvexnisinc Orrice—1313 Hartford Building, Chicago, Ii. TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS: UNITED STATES AND CANADA IN ADVANCE. Ove copy, one year,orssnumbers- = se 3.00 One copy, six months, or nambers » = - ‘a0 ‘One copy, for thirteen weeks Including the Cunistaas Juoce. . * FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS—To all foreign countries in the postal union, $4.50 year. WEAN SALES-AGENTS—Jatermational News Company, Bream's building, Chancery Lane, E.C, London: Brentana's, Avenue de !" Opera, Paris: Saarback's News Exchange, Mains, Germany, The contents of FUDGE are protected by copyright in both the United States and Great Britain. Infringement of this copyright will be promotly and digorously prosecuted. CONTRIBUTORS mast inciose a stamoed and self-addressed ertvelone ‘with all manuscripts, otherwise return of the Latter when found unavailable cannot be guaranteed. DRA‘VINGS and all contribations sent to the Art Department should have the sender's full name and address ‘written plainty on each and every separate sketch. The accompanying joke or descriptive letter-press should in ébery instance be written upon its indtoidual picture, and NOT upon a separate slip of paper. Inclosure of stamps to the full amount of postage (s also required. 10 insure safe and prompt retarn of material not accented. WHO MADE A MARTYR LOVE'S PATRON SAINT? WE DON’T know why an early Christian martyr was chosen to be the patron saint of love and set up in the calendar to mark the day of love’s beginnings. The day itself grows out of a joyous sentiment of the heart. At the season of the year when the sweet tides of spring begin to stir at the roots of life it seems a pretty custom to celebrate the birth of the illusions that make young men and maidens look heavenly to each other. But why all this happy season of mat- ing, with its inaugural day of tender longings and love-sent missives, should be presided over by a Christian mar- tyr—well, there must be some good reason. Ancient custom generally hits these matters pretty near right. Our first guess is that some married women got together and influenced the selec- tion of this martyr. Married women are always preaching to their single sis- ters about the martyrdom of love. Our next guess is that the sacrificial headship of the army of love was proposed by a lot of married men. It would be like them to want to be represented by a martyr. We have one more guess, and we venture to charge the old maids and bachelors with complicity in this thing. It is human nature to revile the good fortune we have missed. But no matter. The young folks don’t know any martyr in the case, and we are not going to tell them. So long as we love even martyrdom is a picnic, any way. eee BANKER BENEDICT says congress is made up of “‘ tinkers, tailors and busted dominies.”” What have the dominies ever done to Mr. Bene~ dict that he should make charges like that? A STRANGE NEW CRY IS HEARD IN THE LAND. HE OPINIONS of Mr. James J. Hill, railroad magnate and several other things, are always worth considering. In a recent speech Mr. Hill takes a gloomy view of our prospects as a people, saying, Our pub- lic domain is all gone, and the nation cannot longer boast that it has homes for all.” The characteristic thing about our day is that we have begun to hear in this new land these dismal croakings about there being too many of us on this little planet. ** No Room” is the cry that has haunted every nation that has crumbled. ‘* Not enough room for all’’ is at the foundation of all our political philosophy since the days of Malthus. We have thought this western world was big enough for the whole race. But the old-world signs are coming down out of the cob- webby garrets and lofts of the sciences which show that whatever is is right, and “standing-room only”? will soon be followed by such signs as ‘ Doors closed and no money back.” And yet, to one who rides across this continent, the impression is of little dirty patches of cities and towns here and there, vast areas of half-cultivated lands, other vast areas of untouched waste, and everywhere a sparse population. In an hour’s ride out of New York city in any direction one’s eyes fall on more areas that are open than are covered. Except in a few hundred spots, the country seems anything but crowded, and yet already we are full of the dreary notion that there is no more room. True, for the man who wants to buy a place for a home land is scarce—unless he has a bank-account. In that case it is plentiful. THAT canal is doing pretty well. Nearly twenty-one million dollars’ worth of it done. eee se GEORGE ADE will be run for congress. punishment ahead for Ade. Always knew there was THEY are putting editors in jails over in Russia. Some think it’s just a fad and fancy of the czar’s. | COYVHAT shall we do with our ex-presidents?” says a newspaper head- line. Well, why not use them for advertising purposes? MARK TWAIN ONE OF THE UNIVERSAL ELEMENTS. WE HAVE discovered the source or cause of Mark Twain’s world-wide popularity. Our first American Humorist has always seemed to us to be in a class by himself, because there was an indefinable something at the heart of his humor that defied analysis. Under the usual reagents you get the expected precipitates. His style peels off, as it were, like a baseball, and you find all the intricate parts and deft inclosures until you come to the core, and then you hit something you can’t name. In short, you are stumped by what is supposed to be the incredible genius of the man. This is the common verdict. It’s the usual way when we are stuck. But we have gone further. We know all about Mark Twain now. He isn’t a man—that is, he isn’t just a man. Mark Twain is one of the universal elements. He is a natural force—one of the chemical constituents of the uni- verse. This is one of the biggest dis- coveries of the season, and one of the greatest we have made. In fact, the thing is so new and overpowering that we feel woozy in the presence of it— like Twain's Bluejay, that discovered the hole in the roof of the house. The evidence, however, is all before us. When the Civic Federation meets, Mark Twain is called in. Is money to be raised for the persecuted Jews? Twain has to assist. Education of the negro to be considered? Twain is invited to come round and consider it. Fund for new pipe-organ at the Second Presbyterian Church? Twain has to contribute—that is, in a purely casual, humorous way. Barn-raising? Twain 's there to give it a lift. New party to give us political purity? He is there with the other politically pure people. In short, this man is one of the universal elements, like fire, water, air, and not a mere humorist. LAwsoN, LAWSON? Who was Lawson, any way, and what did he do? White SOCKS, galluses, and a home-made suit for Uncle Joe Can- non—all from South Carolina. No wonder that Presidential boom is booming again. wee oe ale STREET is suffering from a bad appendix,” declares Stuyve- sant Fish, Let's see; was it anybody in Wall Street who said Fish ought to be hanged? 64 D)ON'T spank your children; divert them,’” says one of the new-idea women. Now, for example, how would you “divert” the young spud who puts a tack in your chair? We pause for reply. COMMISSIONER BINGHAM of New York isa hustler. He’s gota Bridge Hog Squad organized already, and is planning a Subway Cattle- drivers’ Gang and a Strap-hangers’ Mutual Trampling Band.