Judge — February 3, 1906 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

APPRECIATION. TO THE NEWSPAPER. AIL to thee, Moulder of human thought, Out of whose spirit World.actions are wrought! Hail to thee, Wonder of methods alone ‘That overthrow tyranny, Monafch and throne! Hail to thee, Power of the press divine, Uplifting humanity, Line upon line! Hail to thee, Leader of nation and tribe! Cry aloud, “NOW IS THE TIME TO SUBSCRIRE!" WILLIAM J. LAMPTON ——a ten-dollar bill. favor, either.” BAD HABIT. 66CO YOU lost your position ?” we ask of our young friend who has demanded our sympathy. “Yes; the firm told me I would have to quit.” + What reason was given?” “+ smoked cigarettes.” “Why, that seems hardly a sufficient reason for such drastic action.” “Yes; but Iwas smoking the boss’s cigarettes and he caught me at it. SAVED. Did the ship have water-tight compartments 2” No; but it had three Kentucky colonels aboard.” Knicker. HIS DRESS-TOGS ON. Mrs Corncos Darrey Dict: Why, clothes an’ come back.** I made two hundred profit exhibitin’ the gold- brick at the Squash County Fair, an’ | hain't the chap ter fergit a Well, aren't you going to shovel the snow, after me giving you a meal ?”" madam, | wouldn't t'ink uv shovelin’ snow in dese garments. 2. —I thought ez much. Well, hold on, thar! I'm goin’ ter hand yer over— WONDERFUL PRESERVATION. HERE was an old fellow of Tiffin, Whose name, | remember, was Griffin, He lived ninety years In this valley of tears Without even starting to stiffin. SAPIENCE. ALL the world shoves a shover. Every male adult is either a man or less. You can lead a Kentuckian to water — if there's. mint’ growing around the edges + Every d good many of them play dog manger with it. The Lord hates a quitter. other words, it's better to be ar ger than a renig-ger. Great minds don’t run in the same channels always. Their great- ness is gauged by the agility with which they get out of a ruts s.« WHAT STUMPED HIM. - The dwarf —“'The lightning calculator seems to be off in his work.” The giant—«Yes. Ever since last pay-day he has been trying to figure out how he can pay a $10 board-bill out of a salary of $7.50, minus $3.25 in fines.” BUSINESS ACUMEN. ‘+ BUT, gentlemen,” says the gas magnate to the committee from the city council, «it spells ruin for us if you compel us to cut s in two. Even at a dollar a thousand our losses be- cause of unpaid gas-bills amount to $50,000 annually."* «But, Mr. Meeter,” ob- serves a member of the com- mittee, «if the price had been reduced to fifty cents a year ago you would already have saved $25,000 on that item alone.” WHERE IT STARTED. THE distr had just run away with the spoon. “Yes,” boasted Mother Goose; “I flatter myself I originated the hotel-souvenir habit.” Gayly she hiked out to add to her collection. the price of ABSENT-MINDED EDITOR ASKED THE BLESSING. WE THANK Thee for Thy bountiful blessings, but beg to state that they are un- available for our present pur- Tl go an’ git workin’- pose. comichooks.com