Judge — December 23, 1905 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

‘THE LITTLE OLD WOMAN AND HER CHRISTMAS SHOPPING. SYOU got any ‘lectric belts 2" The little old woman at the drug-counter was one whose very face would have suggested the word « thrift to a reader of character. And yet it was a good and kindly face, and, after all, her eagerness to get “something useful” in the way of Christmas gifts was com- mendable in this day of prodigal waste and useless gifts at Christmas time. 0; we are just out of the electric belts we advertised for to- day’s sale,” said the clerk in the great *+de- partment” store. I'm real sorry, lady, “+1 got to buy something in the way of a Christmas gift for my son-in-law, for he allus gives me something nice, if it isn’t "said the old ever anything of much ac- count or of much real use to me. I feel sure that if he would wear one of these Nectric belts you adver- tised his health would im- prove. He complains a sgood deal of pain in his back. You got anything in the way of a porous- plaster Yes; we have. Here is one.” Well, [ think I'll take a couple instid of the ‘lectric belt. Have you any quinine pellets? Ves; we hav “You might g| I'll put them in my daughter's stocking for her children. If colds “You got any ‘lectric belts?" me fifty cents’ worth. she'd give each of ‘em one a day I know they wouldn't have all the time. You might put me up a dime's wuth of slip'ry-ellum lozenges. They're just as good as candy an’ a sight more nourishin’. Children eat too much candy nowadays. ve me a box of lickorish cough-drops for my son Henry's children, ‘They were all coughin’ when I was there yesterday, an’ I made up my mind then that I'd buy ‘em some cough-drops for one of their Christmas gifts. hot-water bags 2” You may How much are thes +A dollar. * Ain't that pretty high? the other day for ninety-eight cents. as this, an’ I guess I'll take one for my daughter Lucy. ain't anything more useful than a hot-water bag around the house. Got any cod-liver My niece got one full as good as this Still, I dunno that it was quite this There handier or emulsion ? Yes." “Twant a bottle to put in the He's got areal bad cough, an” his great- stockin’ of a nephew of min aunt on his father’s side died of con- sumption, an’ [think he ought to do something for his cough. Then I want a bottle of listerine for a niece of mine I never forgit at Christmas. time, She's got three little children, an’ listerine is good to have in the house, ‘speshly where there’s chil- dren.” She crowded her purchases down into the Boston fish-net shopping-bag she carried and said as she did so, “T've got a set of shoulder- braces for my son Henry an’ a good choppin'-knife for his wife. Then I've got a toothbrush apiece for all of my daughter Hattie’s children, an’ a bottle of corn-salve for my nephew Horace, an’ a health-corset for his I must get my daughter Kate a nice granite-iron stew-pan an’ a good wash-boiler for my sister. I heard her say the other day that she had to have a new one. what counter would I be likely to find wife. HIS OFFER. Satt sor—"* Say, you don’t seem any too sure on those skates of yours. You'd better let me take you around a couple of times.”” real nice stove-lid lifters? Twant one for my daugh- ter-in-law Sally's stockin Then I want to get a hutch. er-knife for her, an’ I guess that'll finish up my Christ- mas buyin’, An’ I spent a cent foolishly, as so many do at Christmas time.”" NO PAJAMAS FOR HIM. T WAS at a dinner, and the shy young girl was in misery because she had to talk to a old man. In great rassment she began lookin about for some topic for deat mbar- conversation, and, seein dish of bananas, said to the old man, “Do you like ba- * Hey “Do you like ba- as?" + What's that 2" “Do you like nas ?"" shouted the poor girl, conscious that every on the table was listening “No, Edon’t,” said the old man loudly. fashioned nightgown every time ! JUDGE'S FAVORITES. MISS LOUISE GALLOWAY, WITM HENRIETTA CROSMAN IN “MARY, MARY, QUITE CONTRARY.” bana- amusement. “Give me the good, A ROLAND FOR HER OLIVER. Knicker—« Aren't you tired of getting those lovely but usel-ss things your wife makes for you?” Bocker— Yes; but this year I'll get even. her an unsigned cheque.” INVESTIGATION CALLED FOR. + When dey git froo investigationin de Iniquitable it comps I'm going to give Julius Cesar Life I wish dey'd disillusionize dis yere tel Marcus Cicero—“Wot dey done, Julius?" Julius Cesar—* Dey done said in dis message, + Money sent by tele- graph.’ My ole boss done sent it, too. But when I open de eenvelop dere ain't a dumb cent in it, sah!” A YOUTHFUL GRAFTER. OW doth the busy little boy Improve each sh In gloating o'er the Christmas joy ‘That he will soon devour. He has them figured out, you bet, From Harlem to the sea. Wherever a free feast is set There will that small boy be. Salvation Army grub for his, And Five Points turkey, too— And were you in the starving biz" That's just what you would de. LURANA , SwELDOX, SURE OF THEIR THEOLOGY. GU ta sea-shore hotel was walking on the beach and met two little boys. “You look very much alike,” she said.“ Are you twins?” No, ma‘am," one of them an- swered, looking up with very earnest eyes; “we're Baptists." THE glazier, strangely, sighs for pane, Je pugilist wants something tough, ‘The carpenter wants something plane, The mantuamaker something ruff. comicbooks.com