Judge — December 16, 1905 — page 33: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

STRANGE FACT. 5, DISTURBED SLUMBER. es NOW, there is one peculiar fact about women and Christmas,” said the man with the retrospective eyes and the large Adam’s apple. “They buy more 26 pS than" vo = “No, no, It hasn't Sa cod entae a anything to do with what Movet SESS toon oe He they buy, Itis this, You . : every woman has seen ‘ more Christmases than she has birthdays.” NO MORE WANTED. , THE NOVEL OF THE FUTURE. S6MERRY Christmas, Actor (on the tramp) —“' Prethee, ‘tis a likely place to sleep son sruncy 1” old man! And — to-night on my way to New York.” many more like it. The man addressed CAPSULE I. turns a baleful, sleepless Jared Jones loves Lally Slapcabbage. eye upon the speaker and replies, any more like it? Say, you hadn't heard that twins came to our Jones pushes Winterbottom down elevator-shaft. house last night, had you?” Photographer— “Try and look pleasant, CAPSULE V. please !"" Farmer Jones— “Get out! This picture Directions for taking—Take two capsules before retiring one ‘5 fer some relatives that night and three the following night. For persistent insomnia Want to come and stay a take the five capsules at once.—J. M. F. month with me ! By Lizzie Lampface. CAPSULE IV. Winterbottom pulls Jones with him. Lally Slapcabbage marries old Grind. WHEN IS A MAN POOR? © illustrate the theory that every man ought to be provided with a professional capacity for earning money, Booker Washington once told the following story : A tramp down south came to a river one day and beckoned to the old colored ferryman to come across and row him over the stream. As the old man neared the landing-place he grew suspicious of his prospective passenger and called out to him, “Say, boss, does you know youse got to pay to cross dis ribber “Oh, I doan’ know," replied the tramp in rather a lei- surely tone. * Has you got five cents >" No !* replied the tramp ; *"I’se no money.” Hasn’ you got tree cents ?” inquired the old ferryman? “ Nah ; I’se no tree cents.” Hasn’ you two cents ?” “Nah !" “Well,” said the old ferryman, as he took his oars and began to quietly pull 3. out into the stream, “I guess a man as hasn’ got two cents ‘bout as well off on __Actor—“‘Lo! behold, my slumber is interrupted before it one side ob de ribber as de odder.” is yet cinco. OLE’S ENGLISH. OLE OLESON was a fresh-faced, taffy-haired Norwegian, just over, He arrived in the Dakotas at the season of the year when the harvest creates such a demand for laborers, and was snapped up promptly by a labor agency and sent out fifty miles from Pierre. He had stipulated but one thing—that he be put in an English-speaking family that he might acquire the language. The agent promised readily through the interpreter. As a matter of fact, he never gave it, another thought. Ole was a good, honest worker, and when the harvest horde, gathered from the four corners of the earth and made up of all nationalities, was turned adrift, Ole was retained. He was not off the farm for a year. Then he went to Pierre to meet a brother. To his surprise, when he got to town he had great trouble carry- ing on conversation in his patiently acquired English. The station-agent shook his head and murmured something unintelligible. The restaurant people mistook his order. Even the policeman failed to respond. Then along came a burly man with a friendly face who understood him, and Ole was happy till, shades of Moses ! his new friend informed him he was talking German, not English, He had spent the year in a German family ! 4. Actor—"‘Can it be possible that | was in one of the gov x. m. poxm, ernment’s great forts and sought rest in the sunset gun?” comicbooks.com