Judge, 1905-12-09 · page 10 of 17
Judge — December 9, 1905 — page 10: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several short satirical pieces typical of early 20th-century American humor magazines: **"One Way"** depicts a Philadelphia boxer/criminal hiding from exposure, agonizing over scandal while neighbors complain about his noise—satirizing moral hypocrisy among public figures. **"His Telegram"** mocks a wealthy businessman's callous response to a relative's death in a railroad accident, prioritizing formal etiquette (acknowledging receipt of the telegram) over genuine grief—critiquing upper-class superficiality. **"A Gentleman Unafraid"** satirizes a boss who verbally abuses his working-class employee without consequence because the man depends on him financially—exposing power imbalances and workplace exploitation. **"But He Wouldn't Tell"** jokes about sexual temptation and discretion between young men. The remaining pieces use humor about dancing, illness, and romantic proposals. Overall, the page critiques hypocrisy, class privilege, and social pretense through brief comedic scenarios—the magazine's standard approach to contemporary American manners and morality.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
ONE WAY. HE Philadelphia ringster was in a distant town hiding from his home people. In his dismal lit- tle hotel-room he turned on the lights and disrobed, prepar- atory for bed. Yet something told him that sleep would not visit his eyelids that night. So he paced the floor and wrung his hands in all the de- spair of the hunted. And as he walked he muttered aloud, “Oh, how can I put an end to this dis- graceful exposure ! Just then a shrill voice from across the narrow alley called out indignantly, “Right. By the rr etneteone “Well, pulling way, Stepan 709 Menuaip uorner—"" Boys, | want you to come right in here and stop sliding down that tce-- down, the blinds parently in an effort cake, You'll wear the seat of your scales all out." to yet the basis for a fittit.g response—* what are the exact words used by my friend Ticker, the station- agent at Rockledge, in his dispatch ?” «« These, sir: *In a smash-up near this place we killed your mother-in-law, who was on her way to visit you. “Um !—yes, Stephens—um! Well, I must break the news to Mary. Just wire back to Mr. Ticker, * Telegram received. Thanks.’” coor RITTER. HIS TELEGRAM. ~ *éAAY WIFE will M be prostrated by the news, I know,” said Mr. Busyman after he had been no- tified by his private secretary of the death of Mr. Busyman’s rel- ative in a railroad dis- aster. ** But — well, I guess I'd better make arrangements to have an undertaker take charge of the bo:ly—eh, Stephens ?” “Yes,” replied the private secre- tary.“ And—er—of course, even in this instance, you will not neglect the courtesy of acknowledging the receipt of the tele- gram? The sender will want to make sure that you know.” would help some!” STRICKLAND W, GILLILAM, Dolly—« Did you girls make anything on your char- ity ball?” Daisy—*' Yes; we didn't give it.” A GENTLEMAN UNAFRAID, TOLD him that he was an imbecile and a disgrace to our public-school system.” “Didn't he resent that?” “If so, he didn't show it. I said to him, ‘You blockhead! a ten-year-old boy would have known better, You must have been out last night, or else you're drunk now!" Oh, I roasted him properly for half an hour.” “I should think a man of any spunk would fight at that.” “Oh, I'm not afraid of him. You see, he works for me to support his wife and four children,” BUT HE WOULDN'T TELL. Gayboi—+I had the bulliest chance to kiss another fellow’s girl in the dark axelyeens the other night. What would you have done under the circumstances ?"" CAUSE ENOUGH. Rounder—** 1 would have kissed her, sure. What did you do?” ‘THE BLACK ONe—"*So Billy got sick from eating a tomcto- can? | don't see how that could have affected him.” Gayboi—«: Well, I won't say what I did, but I'm glad you approve my course ‘Tus wore once—" Well, you see, there were alll tomatoes ot action, in it." SPEEDY IMPROVEMENT IN DANCING. Miss Thistletop— Did Hal Graham propose last night ?”” Miss Featherpate—« Yes; but I tefused him.” Miss Thistletop—« For pity’s sake! Why 2?” Miss Featherpate— Because he's such a horrid dancer. He kept me waltzing with him all the evening, and he doesn’t know how to waltz any more than a pig. I never could live with a poor dancer,” Miss Thistletop—*1 should think you'd have hesitated, though, about losing such a soft snap.” Miss Featherpate— What do you mean?” Miss Thistletop— Haven't you heard? His uncle died two or three days ago and left him five millions.”” Miss Featherpate—Oh, oh, oh! Why didn't you let me know? Dear me, I shall die—I shall die’! Why, I wouldn't care if he danced on his head! And he doesn’t dance so very badly ! Oh, to think I should have missed it! A'two-step he did beauti- filly 1" IOLA © DOWD. TWO OPINIONS, Weary Waggs—‘:She asked me whither I wuz driftin’. Must AUTO FRIGHT. hev took me fer a snowflake.” . “Darn these automobiles! This worm runs up a tree every time Frosty Feeter—' More likely she took yer fer a mud-scow dat's he sees one of em." slipped its tug. comicbooks.com