Judge — December 2, 1905 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

TBXAS—THERE SHE STANDS. Texas is a shopper. She's a peach, She's the widest, broadest and longest country on earth, extending from east to Gest and also from north to south. She Could put Rhode Island in her vest cket. She could swallow three or four States like Maryland and wash ‘em down ty drinking the Mississippi dry, and could digest ‘em without ever having the colic. Texas is the empire state of the Union, without any Kaiser Bill for an Emperor. She is the chiefest among ten thousand and altogether lively, wild, reckless. She's the pebble on the beach. She’s one of the old blue hen’s chickens. he’s the cock of the walk and the demo- crat of the world, She's a wolf, and it’s her day to howl. Texas is bounded on the east by the alligators of Louisiana and huckleberry thickets of Arkansas. She is bounded on the north by the tom- Shaw: and the war-whoop of the red men. She is bounded on the west by the chile concarne of New Mexico and the hot tamales of old Mexico. She is pounded on the south by the gulf of Mexico, and if it wasn’t for that measly body of salty water she would extend be- yond the South Pole.—Choctaw Inguirer. AMUSING BLUNDERS, Awriter in the Boston Transcript re- calls some amusing blunders foreigners make in using English. A Hungarian journalist, leading up to an account of ‘an earthquake, told how merrily the evening had passed, Just before the crash came the ladies had retired to their rooms, whereas “ we man was re- maining in the coffee.” A French dress- maker advertised her work as “grand, clegant and swell.” A polite and sym- pathetic Jap wrot «“T'm rather sorry you have been so ill,” and a Parisian lady asked to be recommended as a teacher of French, and added, with ex- quisite natveté, “I am not obliged to earn my life, but I want to have too strings to my are.” An excited Italian, when he had sent a manuscript with a page missing, wrote, “If anything like this happens again, notify me suddenly.” These infelicities recall also the Mexican diplomat at Washington who affably re- marked, “Your climate in Buffalo is wat you call deeficoolt—eh 2?” FATHER HAS NO ALTERNATIVE. When a father doesn't marry the sec- ond time to please his daughter she leaves home ; but when she doesn't marry to suit him, not only is that retreat de- nied him, but he has_to let the new son- in-law come and live with him.—AécAi- son Globe. HE’D HEARD OF ONE. “Do you think it is true that there are no female angels ?” “No; I have just been listening to a young man’s description of his first sweet- heart.” — Houston Post. For Dandruff and Baldness. Packers Tar Soap Pure as the Pines An Ideal Shampoo with healing and antiseptic properties. Soothes the scalp. Strengthens the Hair. Recommended by Physicians. ‘The Packer Mig. Co., New York. THE INDUSTRIOUS HEN. [The Swiss village of Zofingen, m the Canton of Aar- was decorated with fags yesterday in bonor of @ ‘which had laid its thousandth egg.—Daily Express.) Her thousandth egg! To what a height May perseverance mount ! Did she with this result in sight Maintain a careful count ? Nay, rather let us think of her ‘As careless of applause, And heedless of the civic stir Her industry might cause. Could any hen foresee the fame A feat like this would bring ? T'm confident no fowl could claim To think of such a thing. Like that of Scott's Last Minstrel one With truthfulness may say, This surely must have been an “ Un- Premeditated Lay !” —Punch, It’s the proper thing to take Abbott's Angos- tura Bitters with a glass of sherry or soda be- fore meals; gives you an appetite. At all druggists. BOY'S ESSAY ON LOUISIANA. Here are a New Orleans public-school boy's ideas on the history of the Louisi- ana purchase territory : “Spain got tired of Louisiana, and didn’t want her. So Spain gave her to Napoleon, Napoleon didn't want her. either. But he took her. Then he begged a lady to take Louisiana as a present. The lady turned up her nose and said : “I don't want it; wouldn't have it.’ “So Napoleon offered to sell Louisiana to the United States. The United States was wide awake and jumped at the offer. So Louisiana was sold, and Spain and France and Napoleon and the lady all lived to see what fools they had been. But the United States only laughed in her sleeve and waved her flag across the ocean and said ¢ Ta-ta.’"” Any person wishing to purchase a étrictly first-class piano is advised to visit the salesroom of Sohmer & Co., Sohmer Building, 170 Fifth Avenue, New York City. GOOD FOR BALDNESS, “Say,” said the man who was begin- ning to have a bare spot on top of his head, “can you tell me what is good for baldness ?” “Yes,” replied the barber; “a cheer- ful determination to make the best of what can't be helped.""— Chicago Record- Herald, The Supreme After-Dinner Cordial LIQUEUR EAGLETTE An especially fine American product, ace knowledged by connoisseurs to be unequalled here or abroad. As a delicious aid to diges- tion, and a cordial of delightful flavor, {tis without a rival. A fitting finale to any feast. EAGLE LIQUEUR DISTILLERIES Rheinstrom Bros, Cincinnati, U.8. A. ATE THEM, Mrs, Brownley-Boggs —“ Mary, the salad was particularly delicious to-night. What did you use in it?” Mary —«1 used them new kind o° yaller cabbages that Mr. John sent home, mum.” Mrs. Brownley - Boggs (faintly) — “Heavens ! those were chrysanthemums.” —Ram's Horn, SAS cer mondas SSour dear Gace by aloving resnens The Loftis System at X'mas Time ‘es egnvestonce tothossanda. It enables peresaris DID IT EVER OCCUR TO YOU THAT— oerbdyy There is something very deceptive about the way a girl won't let you kiss her just when you are doing it—New York Press. A Beefsteak Dinner is not complete without Evans’ Cream Ale. ©. EVANS & BONS, Madson, N.Y. “Why do you want a light left in your room when you go to hed, dear 2” asked Elsie’s mother. “+ Are you afraid 2” “No, mamma,” replied Elsie ; “I want Jit so I can see to go to sleep." Chicago | News. Insures A soft, smooth Sace. Freedom from Irritation, Ease— Comfort— Safety. FACE INSURANCE is just about as important as life insurance, Williams’ Shaving Soap is “The only Safe Policy.'” It affords absolute protection against the smarting, irritating and still more dreaded. effects of inferior soaps,-and keeps the face in a@ healthful condition always. To insure your faces. whether you Here shave barber shaven you, sce that bar th Woe, healing, WILLIAMS" SHABING SOAP fy used, Willems’ Shaviag Sticks, Shavieg Tabet, Tolle Waters Talcam Powe Uerderety Coen fale Sap, Willama’ Te Sanpete seed everwners ‘Williams’ Shaving Stick (Trial Size) sent for 4c. in stampa, ‘THE J. B. WILLIAMS CO., Conn, ‘Wetta for “Phe Shaver’s Guide and Onevect Drews” IV's Fron, CALIFORNIA—Four Days from New York or Boston—By New York Central comicbooks.com