Judge — November 25, 1905 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

IN THE MOUNTAINS OF KENTUCKY. T WAS Thanksgiving Day in the mountains of Kentucky, and I was about as far from the tra- ditional Thanksgiving dinner as Boston is from the Blue Grass. But the mountains were beau- tiful in the soft, warm haze, the woods were odorous in nutty richness, the crimson was turning to such a lovely brown as one might expect the pink of the turkeys flesh to turn to under the warmth of the oven, and I was feel- ing fairly fit, although I knew I would be lucky if I got any dinner at all. At that mo- ment I had no idea where it was to come from, but I had an hour before noon, and I was heading toward the valley, where I was pretty sure to find some kind of fare. It was fully mid-day when I rode up toa moderately substantial farm-house on the mountain-side. Not very inviting, true, but Iwas hungry enough not to be squeamish. ‘A woman, coming to the door in response to my ‘hello, told me I could have dinner in half an hour, and very thankfully I put my horse in the table, where he could get a bite, and took a seat in the sunshine at the end of the house. There I was joined presently by the man of the house, who had been at work in a field near by. He was lank and lean, but cheerful withal and companionable. Our talk for a while ran to politics and the crops, and then became des- ultory. “+ By the way,” I said, «this is Thanksgiving, isn’t it?” ‘« Well,” he replied in a calculating tone, +1 knowed it come somers along in the fall, but I didn’t know jist when. We ain't much ‘round here on celebratin’ uv it, an’ I'll be derned ef I know whether er religion. Would yer mind tellin’ me sumpthin’ I like to find an inquiring mind thirsting for information, and forthwith launched out. “Thanksgiving Day," I said with due solemnity, apart by the president of the United States, regardless of religion or politics, for the people to offer up their thanks to the beneficent Author of all good for the blessings He has bestowed upon them. It is the day when everybody should be thankful to the Lord for all that He has done. The celebration of the day consists of two services—one spiritual, in the churches, and the other material, at the dinner-table. Then is the real celebration,” I went on with considerable enthusiasm, thinking about what I was missing, ‘when they have the large, fat, brown-roasted turkey swimming in oysters and gravy, and the nice cold celery and the sweet- potatoes, and the mealy butter-beans, and the big pink ham, and the thick mince-pies, and the plum-pudding, and sis a day set My host held up his hand for me to stop. He had been licking his chops hungrily, and once or twice he had wiped his mouth on his coat- sleeve. “Say, mister," he broke in, ‘air you the new preacher that's com- in’ on this circuit ?" “Not much," I laughed. «I'm buying walnut logs.” A shadow of disap- pointment flickered over his face and he became silent, + Why do you ask 2” I inquired, knowing he had reasons. “ Mistah Middleman, I'a got a question.” “Certainly not. “Um!_ He can “Mr. Crackvoice Bank Account Away. “ Well, what is the question, Mr. Tambo ?"* “Kin a man light a cigar wid a pair ob cuffs?” h? Well es’ s'posin’ dem cuffs am matches?” now sing that sympathetic ballad entitled, ‘Since Nelly Took My “Well,” he ex- plained, «I wuz think- in’ ef yer wuz, an’ yer preached a gospel uv vittles like that, you'd knock the waddin’ outen every parson in these parts, an’ turn every dern sinner frum the error uv his ways frum the head- warters uv Troublesome to the lower fork uv Hell-fer-sarten. You plumb would, mister, an’ I'm sorry you ain't the man; fer ef thar is one thing needin‘er than an- other in this part uv the vineyerd ter lead the way onnerds an’ upperds it’s good vittles.”” We were called into dinner at this point, and I wasn’t long in finding out that my host knew the needs of his neigh- borhood. wee JUDGE'S FAVORITES. ALICE NIELSEN, WHO WILL SHORTLY TOUR IN GRAND OPERA. With rapture we have heard you sing In good old comic-opera days. You were ‘* The Singing Girl" for us, “ The Fortune Teller” of your plays. NOT NOTICEABLE, $40 you believe the number of our brave men is decreas- ing?” “"I haven't noticed any falling off in the mar- riage statistics.” Then, Gibson-like, you went away To seek some higher notes abroad; And now high notes we'll have to pay, Or from the gallery applaud. ‘THE GREATER BLESSINGS. E thank thee, Omnipresent Friend, For toothsome meats and dressings ; For football season's timely end— Also for lesser blessings. HIS TRIAL-TRIP IN GOTHAM. W, TROX BANKSTON, editor of the New South of Ringgold, * Georgia, tells a story of his first and only experience as a news- paper writer in New York. “One day there was a terrible storm in the harbor,” he says, ‘sand I was sent out to cover one end of it. In my story I said that «the dashing of the waves was simply indescrib- able." “The city editor called me «What do you mean by simply in- describable ?* he asked. «¢*T mean, I said, ‘that it was simply in- describable on a salary of fifteen dollars a week." “T ought to have got fired, but I got a raise instead." WILLIS LEONARD CLANAMAN. WHY NOT? Poorly—*« I'm going to marry a nice girl and settle down.” Boorly— Why not marry a rich girl and settle up?” A BIG HIT. 44] she a miss’ *\No; she’s a hit. She's a widow with two million.” THE MERRY MINSTRELS. comicbooks.com