Judge — November 18, 1905 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

HARD LUCK, 66] AS’ night I dreamt I died an’ went ter heaben,” said Toot. «Saint Peter met me at de gate, an’ I ax him ef I could come in. He sez he hatter weigh me ‘ginst mah sins fus’, an’ wid dat he git out a big pair ob balunces an’ put me in one pan an’ a great big bag in de udder. De bag outweigh me ‘way yon- dah, so he sez I can’t come in. I ax him fo’ ter tell me wut's in dat bag, an’ he bus’ it open fo" me. Well, sub, hit wuz plumb full ob watahmillions an’ chickens! An’ I sez, sez I, ‘Ef yo'll leabe mah sins out yere wid me,’ sez I, ‘I won't ax ter come in.’ Sez he, ‘All right.’ But, doggone mah skin! I wake up ‘fo’ I could git ter dem tings.” McWATTERS'S GAME OF BILLIARDS. MOoNATTERS loved to play the game Of billiards, and he ofttimes thought About himself as champion— His cue with wondrous magic fraught. One day he met a pleasing chap Who said, «Let's have a game, old man."* “+ Agreed!” said Mac. The ivory balls Were placed like this when they began: “Til lay a bet,” the fellow cried, “« ‘That I can bring you to defeat!” “Tis done!” McWatters answered back. Your boasting words I'll make you eat.” ‘They knocked the balls about the green— ‘The fellow never seemed to miss ; But when it came McWatters's turn ‘The balls were always just like this : McWatters muttered scorching things Beneath his breath ; for, to his shame, The pleasing fellow had to win ‘The first and every other game. And when MeWatters, in a huff, Threw down his cue with noisy fuss He found that when his bets were paid He'd have to hunt some balls placed thus : CHARLES , BARNES. fo} iv oo TAINTED MONEY. ea + Mortimer has Just got a political job, papa, You sald he wasn't capable of [ABOUT the only tint to money to most people Farwer—"* Well, that proves tt, doesn’t it?"" is, ‘tain't coming their way. HER VIEW OF IT. “sHE PROPOSED to me by letter.” «By letter! And he lives in the city, too!" Yes.” + How did yon reply ?" “Ttold him that that kind of a proposal made me feel as if I ought to ship myself to him by express, like a piece of merchandise, and that I wasn’t ready to be delivered that way." “Quite right." ++So he telephoned that he'd renew the negotiations this evening and endeavor to make suitable arrangements for personal delivery. I thought he might as well be given to understand at once that I know my rights in the premises.” APPROPRIATE. se JESSIE'S fiancé proposed to her in a cab." «*T would call that a hansom offer.” THEN WHAT? Briggs—« My rule in life has always been, ‘Choose your com- panions from your superiors.” Griggs—« Yes; but what if your supeziors happen to be follow- ing the same rule ? AN EXPLOSIVE EPISODE. A POET into his back yard went, And there he composed “The Bombardment.” CAUSE AND EFFECT. A sour editor read, is ‘i —" Oh, + wish Bobby.’ And explosively said, % ore or he ruyvery U wish tay caine. was bby. “Can't think what the deuce the bum bard meant.” Kirry—" ‘Cos then 1'd be a I'l" boy."* comicbooks.com