Judge — October 14, 1905 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

‘THE PULLMAN BOS6. ['S. tony cullod gemman ; Truns a Pullman car. When de atmosphere ’s tempestuous, In a manner mos’ contemptuous, T leabes de doors wide open, jes’ ter show yo" dat I'm dar. When yo're bery tired an’ weary, Habin’ trabeled {"um afar, ‘An’ de air am hot an’ murky— Hot ernuff ter roas’ a turkey— Den I turn de heat some mo’ on, yes’ ter prove I own de car. ‘When de journey ‘s almos' ended, An’ yo'r temper 's below par, Wid my whisk-broom tried an’ trusty I perceed ter make it dusty Till it looks so like a fog yo’ almos’ wondah whar yo" are. I 'spec’s "um time ter time, p'r’aps, gives yo" quite a ja But when I gits ter bustlin ‘An’ sets de “dust” a-hustlin’, porter ob de car. TO A WIFE WHO FINDS LIFE DULL. ARE glad to give place to this letter, and shall be happy to advise further with the lady if our remarks to not afford her the remedy she seeks. The letter reads : “Dear JupGr—Seeing so much in the papers about wedded life being dull, it has just dawned on me that I am having a dreadfully dull time of it, and yet I would not have confidence in the advice handed out by the metropolitan papers. It is different with your grand paper. I read it every week and be- Tieve everything ft says, even when I know it isn't true. Now, please advise Yours, Dorotuy.” me what to do. Do you buy your bread ready made, Dorothy? If you do you are missing one of the best means of introducing a little sparkle and mirth into your home, When we get so dull that nothing else will rouse us we make bread ourself, After getting the dough into pans we fre- quently find that we forgot to put in the yeast. This at once puts new life into us; and though the bread does not rise we do, and throw the rolling-pin through the window and hit the Methodist minister. This gets us into jail, and we are not dull again for months. Another way to avert dullness is to have seventeen children in the house, We say seventeen, not because we are addicted or in any way pledged to that precise number, but because Benjamin Franklin was one of seventeen, and we do not read anywhere that Mrs. Frank- lin had any kick coming about wedded life being dull, You would be surprised, Dorothy, how quickly seventeen children will bring vari- ety and diversity of scene into your home and change the whole color- scheme from a lifeless old-rose Van Dyke brown to a riot of impres- sionistic green. We say change of color-scheme advisedly. We know a family where there is one little lone boy with yellow curls, and we feel at times that if we had to always look at a lone little boy with yellow curls the time would come when to have a freckle-faced girl with a pug nose to look at now and then for a change would be a welcome relief. Do you buy things on the installment plan, Dorothy? Ah! you do not. That ex- plains why you have such dull times, Purchase largely on “the little-payment plan ” and see what a change there will be. We tried it once, and it was change, change, change all the time. Then one day we got an axe and killed the collectors one by one as they entered our happy home, be- cause the excessive change was driving us mad. EXPERIENCE WARNED HIM. Mrs. Nuwed (in alarm)— «John, dear, you're very pale. What can be the matter with you?” Mr. Nuwed (feebly)— “Oh, nothing, darling. I thought that was a new cook- book you were reading.” "Tis a hint fo yo" ter ‘cough up” ter de, A MAN OF TRUTH. 'HE incomer at a fash- ionable hotel in New York didn’t quite size up to the ideas of the clerk as the kind of guest, they wanted, and he got ready with the usual formula. “T want a room here,” said the applicant. “+ Sorry,” replied the clerk, ** but we're full.” «Everything took ?” “Yep.” «Gimme a cot.” **Cots all taken,” “Tl sleep on the floor.” “ Floor-space all gone.” «How's the dinin’- room ?”* Every seat taken.” «Put me in a bath- room." “Occupied.” «« What's the matter with the bar?” ++ Overflowing.” «Elevator full ? “+ Busy all night."” «« How's the roof?” ** Chock-a-block, «Anything doin’ in the cellar?” »* Crowded.” The clerk had begun to admire the persistence of him, ta porch anywhere ‘round 2” he continued. “No door-yard ?” “No settin’-room or parlor ?”” ~All fall.” «T'll set in one o° them office-cheers,” nodding toward the wall- line. “Guests are not allowed to sleep in the office.” He became thoughtful and began rubbing his chin. + Well," he said after a minute, * you ain't no objections to my hirin’ a cab an’ sleepin’ in front of your derned old tavern, have you? I told my folks I was goin‘ to stop here, an’, by cracky! I ain't no liar, no matter what you are. See?" This blow knocked the clerk out, and he was accommodated. UNPROMISING. Nurse—"'Lor'! she grows more like her mommer every day.” a GETTING CIVILIZED. Mr. Easterner—"" This place sust be pretty well civilized by now."” Aracne Ase—‘* Wa-al, stranger, | should smile! Why, we only had six killed last week!" —'" What! six killed? And you call that being civilized 2" Sure, stranger. They was killed in a civilized way—by ‘Squire Perkin's new automobll comicbooks.com