Judge — September 30, 1905 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

————————, ES —=L£-7 (7 iZlD, PUBLISHED WEFKLY At Te Paneer Buriprxc, Foumrn AVEXUE axp Nixereextm Starer, New Yors. Wasteax Apvexnisine Ornici 1313 Uariford Building, Chicago, lit TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS: UNITED STATES AND CANADA IM ADVANCE. One copy, one year, orssnumbers- = ee One copy, six months, or sO aumbers - = ee One copy, for thirteen weeks Including the Cwnistsas Juoce. FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS—To all foreign countries in the postal union, $530 year. Evnwnan sates-acunrs—luternational News Company, Bream's building, Chancery Lane, EC, London : Brentane's, Avenue de !"Opera, Paris: Saarbach's News Exchange, Mains, Germany, The contents of FUDGE are protected by copyright in both the United States and Great Britain, ° Infringement of this conyright will be promptly and igorously prosecuted. CONTRIBUTORS mast inclose a stamoed and self-addressed etvelove with all manascrints, otherivise return of the Latter when found unawailaNe cannot be guaranteed. DRAWINGS and ail contribations sent to the Art Deoartment should have the sender's fall name and address Yoritten plainly on each and every separate shetch. descriptive letter-press should in ébery instance be written upon tts indtoidaal picture, ard NOT upon a separate slip of paper. Inclosare Insure safe and prompt return of material not HOW TO SPRING A PRESIDENTIAL BOOM. GOVERNOR FOLK has been taking his presidential boom out for an airing, having journeyed to Portland and back, accompanied by an extensive retinue of cclonels and officials in the gorgeous apparel of state, all earnest rooters fur the hoom aforesaid. The governor spoke at all the + Principal cities and towns en route, thus constituting himself a candidate in the usual way, and the formal launching of his boom may now be con- sidered to have been accomplished. The time draws nigh when on every side we shall hear the low plash and the hesitant kerplunk of the several presidential booms taking their maiden dip. It is obvious that the launching of these frail craft is a problem fraught with many difficulties. Anybody can see that this is so, How shall an obscure, individual yearning be translated into a great, national, enthusiastic de- mand? How shall the bee in its lone bonnet be transformed into a vast, universal, patriotic buzz? These are the questions that whiten the hair of those presidential aspirants who have hair and do other things just as bad to those who haven't. The “swing around the circle’? may be the only way, but we venture to suggest that the dime-museum method of placarding celebrities might at least have a fair trial before it is definitely turned down. The candidate could choose some prominent corner and hang out his sign, and the newspapers would give his boom an immediate and world-wide currency. Two Ohio babes, aged seven and six, robbed a bank of $700. You can’t keep those Buckeye people down. MBs. CHARLOTTE PERKINS GILMAN deserves a rising vote of thanks from the men folks for coming out so flat-footed with the con- fession that women are no better than men. Being a woman, her tes- timony is convincing. Man's self-gratulation might be perfect but for one thing. Being a woman, does Mrs. Gilman know just how bad we men are? See DECLINE OF THE AMERICAN BABY. 'HE GOVERNMENT'S census bulletin on the birth rate seems to con- firm the lament of the race-suicidists. Babies are growing less in number all the time, and the ratio of depletion holds constant year after year. Since the poor, the immigrant and the ignorant are maintaining the old high birth rate, it follows that among the well-to-do, the educated and the rich the baby and the cradle are dangerously near to the vanishing point. Those of us who got here fifth, or sixth, or tenth in the succession may thank our lucky stars that we were born before the modern custom set in. The economists and statisticians may wrangle over causes; for us there is the apparent fact that children are not wanted any more. The baby-chair is for sale; the little gimcracks and playthings of the infant world are out of date. Many have come to feel they cannot afford children, and there is enough ground for this view to raise a suspicion against a civilization whose great middle class is tormented by this shameful limitation. Thousands who could abundantly afford the luxury deliberately deny themselves children—affording another view of civilization grown weakling at the top. We have wiseacres who tell us, after Malthus, that Mother Nature herself resorts to a slackening birth rate, among other devices, to hold population in check. Since this view also makes war and pestilence and famine and vice and drunkenness, ‘and every other sin, agents of the same great benevolence of nature, there Is evicently nothing for any of us to do but to applaud the success with which the “checking ”’ is being accomplished. The accompanying fore or of stamps to the full amount of postage (3 also required, 10 |OW FOR RECIPROCITY, Mr. President. What you say now will go. It’s the psychological moment. Strike while the iron ’s hot. THE NEW fall styles for women are here. Big ocean liner brought them from Paris, all in one cargo, and yet it is said they tend to light effects. eee ‘O THE CZAR is handing us some flowers in the shape of tariff con- cessions. Fine. Concessions so far made amount to nearly $20,000 a year. y eee BOSTON MAN tried suicide to change his luck. A failure in this world, he said he wanted to see how he would hit it in the next. Talk about the Boston intellect and reasoning power, how’s that for a sample? A WORD FOR THE NEWSPAPER POET. THE BANGOR Commercial las been telling its readers something about “The Newspaper Poet.”” ‘The thing that is always surprising to us in going over the great newspapers of the day,’’ it says, “is the abundance of matter given in verse. And it is good verse. There is little of the ma- chine fragrance to it, though most of it goes by the crank and is turned out by the yard.”” The newspaper poet of to-day is a brand-new develop- ment on an old stock, There are names in the papers which we have ceased to regard as individuals. We consider them more in the light of factories, and even at that the output is amazing. Nevertheless, the newspaper poet deserves respectful attention. His work is as evanescent as the event that inspires it, and yet it is of a high order of merit. Bread and butter and house-rent, and bonnets for the wife and shoes and stockings for the youngsters, are the inspirers of this clever machine-work, but that is no shame to the muse. Fame and tombstone renown are tin- sel in comparison, JUDGE is rather proud of its family of poets, who are for the most part transient visitors from the newspaper fold. Their work should have more than a casual reading. The little waifs which float up and down the newspaper world for years, like wandering specks of gold or butterflies flitting across dusty country roads, frequently find their birth in JUDGE’S columns. They live because they delight thousands. They are often funny, but always at their heart is some bit of serious sense, and they have no small share in keeping this old world sane and gentle and kind and cheerful. THE HELLOLESS TELEPHONE has come, which means a girlless system of talk between our big institutions of business and the last barrier to unlimited profanity removed. eee HE KAISER’S main objection to Consul Miller, it appears, is because the consul was a newspaper man, and newspaper men have such a restless way of.inquiring into things and writing them up for the papers. eee GRUMPY old Londoner declares he has gazed searchingly upon 500 American girls this summer and found not one Gibson girl in the lot. Let him come over here and stand at a factory-door at letting-out time. cee ED!ToR ate a piece of pie and then took a swim and went to bottom like a chunk of lead—and yet the pie has a host of champions among editors. ‘THE PATRIOTIC LEAGUE, seeking a remedy for bad politics, urges the formation of a municipal government among the children in every school, so that a race of good ~liticians may be trained. ’Twould be a pity to have ’em begin so young. comicbooks.com