Judge — September 9, 1905 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THOUGHT IT WAS A PROPOSAL. The man—“\ trust, Mrs. Backbay, that you don't agree Maud ¢ | when she says brainy women shi | worries me because I do see so many | things besides dollars and cents, Fre- | quently when I am gazing on a few dol- Hars and the bunch seems to be moving | my way a tall dark object, looking. suspi | ciously like my landlord, glides between |me and the money and | never see it jagain. I guess | rank high on this count nne 1 not This is so The inl from Boston precipitate, “dear Mr. Breezy !" Plain Dealer, THE RETORT COURTEOUS. “Is any one waiting on you 2” finally asked the haughty saleslady, condescent- ing at last to notice the shopping person “I'm afraid not,” replied the latter “My husband was—I left him outside- but I'm afraid he's become disgusted and gone home."— Philadelphia Press. Lea & Perrins’ Sauce SELF-AUTOPSIES. A fault of this pres- ent age is that so much searching in- vestigation is aimed at the mass, while the individual side- steps the alert eye of to brag about my rating on this point. Here is where I come in for a perfection mark and tons of supererogatory merit besides, Will a lonely dog follow me? Why, any dog will follow me. Dogs have a perfect passion for following me. | could write a million books on “ Dogs That Have Followed Me.” Some have | last, though. Can you see sunshine in a mud-pudiie 2" he asks, j| WHERE 1 co DOWN HARD. | as well come out fiat- footed and be honest preached in a sort of dim, religious-light tone of voice about seeing good in every-| and loving everybody and being kind and gentle to the big brutes that go about | The professor sends me to the ropes at No, I can't. I might about this point, There’s a lot of rot thing, and not worrying about anything, the world treading down innocence, riot- the inquisitor, When we read in our daily paper, or in our “success” expos- itor, of qur tailings and defects we should refrain from tabulating these things and fitting them to our mother-in-law, our wile, our friend, and ejaculating whispered hisses, such as, "I wish I could get her to read that,” or * How true that is of Jones,” ete, We should rather inquire | into our own state and see if there is not something there which might be amended, abrogated, or otherwise polished off at the next session of the legislature which assembles in our own bosom. The latest searchlight has beamed forth from Chi- cago University, the lamp of enlighten-| ment which no bushel can hide. Pro- fessor Miller works the glare. He asks some questions that plow right down and xray you to the core. These questions show whether you are civilized, gentle, | kind and good, or just a plain barbarian. | In order to he an example [ will heroic- ally face the music and see just where I am at, and I trust Mr. Rockefeller, Mr. Carnegie, Mr. Morgan, Dr. Dowie, Mr. Depew, Jimmy Hyde, the Gould boys and | many other humorists will do likewise. We philanthropists who have money to burn (and do) should lead the way. It is pleasing to me to know Iam solid and a. k. on the first test. The pro- fessor’s question is: Will a lonely dog fol- low you?" If so you have the groundwork of a lovely disposition. I may not show up so well on the later counts, so | am going vans: Easy to Get Easy to Serve Crown Corks Always Ready U.S, A. LIQUID PISTOL step the most vietons dog magh ehhent permanent dinner of OR Ei neta Feling eager Tiquide Ne ete 19 abate inane longing. A or ‘mall, bee. Wal covered holster Se. extra: Parr, Siares & Sation, 290 South St, Dept E, New York followed me lazily, with the languid in- terest of the connoisseur. Some have fol- |i lowed me as if they didn’t want to, but just Aad to. Some have followed me with business-like regularity and a single- ness of purpose truly admirable. My conscience ! here have been times in my life when the whole flabbergasted universe before, behind, above, below, resolved itself into one seething’ mass of enthusiastic, agitated dog. o “Can you be happy and high-minded in drudgery ?" is the next stab. Weil, | am happy and high- minded, That ought to atevery pore. on the mud-puddle proposition. see anything in it but some bad “Can you see beyond the stars?" is his fin: so far that my eye travels round and rests end of things. Bitters. and cheerful. ng on virtue, and exuding filth and:slime Count me out, professor, I don’t ater. Oh, yes, millions upon question. On a clear night I see millions of miles. on my own back at the distant telescopic ‘The day after, you need Abbott's Angostura Braces the nerves; sustains you ind makes you feel bright hroughout th At druggists’. settle that point, but 1 am not bragging about this. The next is “Can you see as much beauty in washing «dishes and hoeing corn as in playing golf and the piano?” I pass. I don't do any of these things. I can jar the varnisn out of the seams of a piano, but affection for my neighhors stopped the performance long ago. Are you good friends with yourself?" is the] next in order. Not very. There are times when I wish I could get a divorce. + Do you see anything in life besides dol- lars and cents?” Oh, yes. Tons and acres and valleyfuls of things, In fact, it STRONGER THAN MEAT. A JUDGE'S OPINION OF GRAPE- A gentleman who has acquired a judi- cial turn of mind from experience on the bench out in the Sunflower State writes a carelully considered opinion as to the value of Grape-Nuts as food. He says: “For the past five years Grape-Nuts has been a prominent feature in our bill TS. by mentionng JUDGE when answering advertisements. You will get more prompt attention and better service Blue Ribbon The Beer of Quality The vigor of the malt and the vim of the hops. of fare. * The crisp food with the delicious, nut- ty flavor has become an_ indispensable necessity in my family’s everyday life. “Tt has proved to be most healthful and beneficial, and has enabled us to prac- tically abolish pastry and pies from our table, for the children prefer Grape-Nuts and do not crave rich and unwholesome food. “Grape-Nuts keeps us all in perfect physical condition—as a preventive of disease it is beyond value. I have been particularly impressed by the beneficial effects of Grape-Nuts when used by ladies who are troubled with face blemishes, skin eruptions, etc. It clears up the complexion wonderfully. * AS to its nutritive qualities, my expe- rience is that one small dish of Grape- Nuts is superior to a pound of meat for breakfast, which is an important consid- eration for any one. It satisfies the ap- petite and strengthens the power of re- sisting fatigue, while its use involves none of the disagreeable consequence: that sometimes follow a meat breakfas! Name given by Postum Co., Battle Creek, Mich. There's a reason. THE “SOHMER” HEADS THE LIST OF THE HIGHEST GRADE PIANOS SOHMER PIANO Sohmer Building, Sth Ave. cor t4 Bt. Gitta dry CHAMPAGNE Is second to no Champagne in the world, It is half the price of foreign makes, because there no duty or ship freight to pay on this American made Champagne, SERVED EVERYWHERE Only anterroow in drenuer Sew York. THE OMIGINAL WORCESTERSHINE ‘The Peerless Seasoning All the family derive @ from a well seasoned per fection of seasoning for most dishes is LEA & PERRINS' SAUCE, Cold Meats, Baked Beans, Welsh Rarebit, Fried ‘Oysters. French Dressing and Pot Pies are mado more enjoyable by ks proper use Ing benefit hi John Duncan's Sons, Agents, New York. ‘Sold by First Claas Trenter LET THE CHILDREN TELL THEIR OWN ‘STORIES. Send ten cents for one of our « tures," beautifully printed on h paper. Each one is a complete sti but with no readin, will spend happy hours weaving th fancics into stories abut the pictures. pictures, pa cd in an album, with their little stories written out, will make a most beautiful of a child’s early life. For fifty cents we will send seven cuts. not one of them of a character to be out of pla "'s hands. Address Judge Company, 225 New Yot!s Before trying to get the consent of your prospective father-in-law, show some sense of the obligation you are about to take by insuring your life. He's more likely to say ‘+ yes.” PENN MUTUAL LIFE, AMERICAN WINE CO., 8T. LOUIS g2t-3-5 Chestnut St., Philadelphia. New York Central’s Grand Central Station, CENTER OF THE CITY OF NEW YORK. comicbooks.com