Judge — September 9, 1905 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ql MAHAN UG, th ii. gyi VN \\\ NN HE RODE ON. . A TOURIST, worn and weary after a ride of ten hours on a sway- backed horse whose gait gave the impression that no two of his legs were of the same length, drew rein before a small log-cabin in the backwoods and said to a long, phenomenally lank man with pro- truding and tobacco-stained teeth, who was lying at full length under a scrawny oak-tree in a grassless dooryard, “Could I get a supper and a night's lodging here 2” The man raised himself to a sitting position and, ejecting an enormous cut of tobacco into the palm of his hand, held it there while he said, 4 “Wal, I reckon ye mought, but we're some crowded. Ye see we aint got but two rooms an’ thar's ten in my own fam'ly. Then my wife's brother an’ his wife an’ their six younguns an’ a cousin o' hern with her five kids are makin’ us a little visit, an’ I kind o° expect a sister o' mine an’ my pap an’ mam up from down in the holler to stay all night, an’ what with all them an’ six dawgs we're some crowded already. We aint got but three beds, but still, I reckon we mought tuck ye in somewhars onless ye wanter ride. on down to Lem Jack- son's place. He aint but nine in the fam'ly an’ a couple o° boarders, an’ his house has three rooms. If yer a mind to bunk with me an’ pap an’ my brother-in law, Bud Sheets, But the tourist had already ridden on. A GENEROUS CORPORATION. “pe YOU get much gas here for a dollar?” “Oh, yes; we get nearly twenty cents’ worth.” LAST CALL, MARY JACKOWSKI came to the door to call her brother-to supper. «Michael Jackowski," she shrilled out, ‘*come in and eat yourself. Your mother she’s on the table and your father he's half etalready.” ¢ . A NEW SPECTRE IN A MUCH-TROUBLED HOUSE. | Failure of the wheat crop sends famished Poland, clamoring, to the czar for bread. MIXED. . in a pack of cards was the king mightier than | Ki>—"' Hey, mister! did yous lose dis whip?” Hl EW Davis FORGOT HER LINES, HE was a pretty girl and the moment she entered the grocery store the youthful members of the staff of clerks all made a rush, eager to take her order. Each was suré she must be the daughter of a millionaire or the ward of some wealthy citizen. She was attired in the breeziest of summer frocks, and enjoyed a complexion of the peach-blow tint and a profile of the Murillo-Gibson type. «T wish hawf a pound of tea,” she began. “+ Anything else ?"" asked the clerk as he tied up the package. “ Yaws, I wish several pounds of sugah—I think about faw pounds will suffice ; and I want some fresh peaches too—one tires so of the beastly cawned stuff, don't you know ; an'—lemme see—what time do yous shut here 2” NOT A SUBJECT. THE jester was seeking employment. «Can you make a joke on any sub- ject ?" asked the king. “Yes, your highness, the jester. “Make a joke about me,” commanded the king. ««T cannot,” answered the jester, + because a king is not a subject.” Then the king laughed right merrily and hired the humor- ous fellow, Two days later, however, FP the king ordered the jester's head cut off because the jester remarked that only replied SOYVHY, dear me, Mr. Longswallow 1" said a good lady, «How 'can you drink down a whole quart of that ere dreadful hard cider at a single draught?” As soon as the man could breathe again he replied, «I beg pardon, madam, but upon my soul it was so hard I couldn't bite it off.” the queen. | __ “Twanted jokes, not epigrams,”” said the king, in explanation, ‘and his, remark was decidedly unhumorous.” comicbooks.com