Judge — August 26, 1905 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE'S FAVORITES VIOLA ALLEN, WHO WILL APPEAR NEXT SEASON IM “THE TOAST OF THE TOWN," A NEW PLAY BY CLYDE PITCH. The summer ‘s nature's comedy ‘And spring her vaudeville. The winter, call it tragedy, ‘And autumn what you will. The point is. Nature has your art, Or you have caught her skill; For both your charms perpetuate By a simple change of bill. SUMMER MASHING. A PAIR of roguish, sparkling eyes, A gown of white that’s laden With all the frills and fads in vogue, And that’s your summer maiden. A lively suit and russet shoes, A cane and socks of yellow ; A bunch of «I-luve-you’s,"” and there You haye the summer fellow. A pale, full moon and several clouds, With crispy waves a-dashing ; ‘The summer maid and summer youth Have started summer mashing. The summer maiden, late that night, Writes to her school-chum, Tessi + I've been engaged four times this month ; ‘That's two ahead of Bessi PERSINE LAMBERT. NEVER LIVED ON FARM. SLJAVE you ever lived on a H farm?" «Why, I heard you used to own one.” “I did, but I couldn't make a living on it.” PLANS CHANGED. Mrs, Newlywed —* Mother writes that she can't come to spend Labor day with us, as she intended.” Mr, Newlywed—" Indeed 2” Mrs. Newlywed —" Yes; so she'll come about October first and spend Christmas.” INTENTIONS. THERE is no French law against suicide, but those who have attempted, recent- ly, to drown themselves in the Seine and have failed have been arrested and punished on the authority of an old law which forbids throwing bodies into the river. made recently, The prisoner pleaded not guilty. One such arrest was + But,” said the judge Of igstruction, «you admit that you cast yourself into the river\: That is illegal.” «The law,” said the prisoner, «provides for the pun- ishment of those who cast dead, not living, bodies into the river, else every man who went swimming inthe Seine would be a criminal.” “+ But,” said the judge, + ‘ou intended to 6¢ dea You had wickedly planned to make of yourself an offensive corpse and with that most loathsome thing to corrupt the waters of the I fine you a thousand francs. ++ Very well,” remarked the prisoner. + Take it from the sum which was confiscated from my pockets by the police at the time of my arrest. ‘ “There was no money in your pockets,” said the judge. “True,” said the prisoner; **but I had intended that on that date there should be a million francs there.” RAG-TIME. DISCONNECTED. The burglar had made a selection To add to his private collection; But when the rope broke He said, “ Holy smoke! With this house I've no further connection."* ‘THE LATER MOSES. WHERE was Moses when the light went out?” a man asked me, thinking that by this time a heavy growth of whiskers might have disguised the old joke’s once familiar sound. But "—— ‘In his own house, the night after he had had the gas turned off from the street because he had just had an electric illuminating device installed,” I said. knew. [had and it had, HIS PROPOSITION. She— will become engaged to you for two weeks.”” He—« Make it a week. I don’t think my money will last longer than that.” REMARKABLE, INDEED. S6LJAS she a remarkable voice ?” «In some respects. Her relatives don’t think it is remarkable." » JUDGE'S PUZZLE ANSWERED. F MY neighbor's boy were a postage-stamp What would I do, you say? I suppose I could lick the little scamp, But that wouldn't be my way. If my neighbor's boy were a postage-stamp He'd be worth two cents, yuu see, And I'd send him along with this little song, And he'd bring it back to me. MAXWELL MeWrTT. TASOKE comicbooks.com