Judge — July 8, 1905 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

WANTED— DRUMMERS’ YARNS. What have become of the funny yarns the drummers used to tell? The knights of the grip were once the life of our national hemor. They ran up against so many od, quaint, unusual sorts of folks, and beng mighty bright fellows, they never fa ied to bring away an account of their esverience that had a good laugh in it. Now we rarely ever hear the drummer st nd yet we know that it still lives ani flourishes, JUDGE wants a lot of the old kind of sive-splitting drummers’ yarns, and has decided to do as the other magazines and periodicals do when they want things—open a prize-story contest. This will be a genu- inc free-for-all, and every story accepted will be paid for at our usual rates. But just to make an extra inducement JUDGE will bestow a number of keepsakes, which we know will be prized by all who get them, Out of the stories submitted in any one week JUDGE will undoubtedly find one or more that will especially please him. To the sender of the one he likes best he will give an auto-photographic knife. This knife will be appreciated because it is an un- Knocking around won’t hurt ALE Crown Corks Just the thing for the Country. BUFFALO VIGILANT WIVES. says a Buffalo paper: “The good housewives of the east side have organ- ized a vigilance committee to enforce more rigidly the domestic law covering staying out late of nights. Early this merning Mrs. Andrew Betka, a, woman pat ‘sixty, wearily entered the eighth pr-cinct station leading her husband by th ear, She stood him up in a corner of th room and then explained that he had gore out the night before and hail just Come home. She said that, as president of the Vigilant Wives, she believed it her duiy to make an example of her husband. Justice Vannatter permitted Betka to de- part on suspended sentence, after he had ra smised to stay in the house nights.” usual knife. To begin with, we will ask for the picture of the person who is to get the knife, and we will have that picture put in the handle in miniature. Or the picture of a friend or relative may be pre- ferred. In any case we do it. Then the name of the recipient is inlaid under am- ber in a very artistic way, and finally JupcE will place his autograph on the knife if it is desired. To the sender of the second-best story or yarn JUDGE will give a fountain pen, which will also be some: thing out of the ordi- nary. These prizes will be in addition to. pay- ment at our regular rates for such winning stories or yarns. Itshould also be under- stood that this offer is not made especially to authors, but to drummers and anybody else who has a good story to tell, JUDGE would like, however, to have the gripman on the road tell some of the funny things he hears or sees as he makes his rounds. No story should run longer than one thousand words, and, generally speaking, the shorter it is the better we shall like it. In fact, brevity in the telling will be one of the principal prize-winning points. Every story accepted, that does not win one of the prizes, JUDGE will buy at our usual rates, and in addition send to the au- thor for one year our new Magazine of Fun,a journal of the best and brightest humor that is being written and drawn by the laugh-makers of the pen and pencil. WANTED TO SLEEP. CURIOUS THAT A TIRED PREACHER SHOULD HAVE SUCH DESIRE. A minister speaks of the curious effect of Grape-Nuts food on him and how it has relieved him. “You will doubtless understand how the suffering with indigestion with which Lused to be troubled made my work an almost unendurable burden, and why it was that after my Sabbath duties had been performed, sleep was a stranger to my pillow till nearly daylight. “I had to be very careful as to what I ate, and even with all my care I experi- enced poignant physical distress after meals, and my food never satisfied me. “Six months have elapsed since I be- gan to use Grape-Nuts food, and the ben- efits I have derived from’ it are very definite. I no longer suffer from indi- gestion, and I began to improve from the time Grape-Nuts appeared on our table. I find that by eating a dish of it after my Sabbath work is done (and I always do so no w) my nerves are quieted and rest and refreshing sleep are ensured me. I feel that I could not possibly do without Grape-Nuts food, now that I know its value. It is invariably on our table—we feel that we need it to complete the meal—and our children will eat Grape- Nuts when they cannot be persuaded to touch anything else.” Name given’ by Postum Co, Battle Creek, Mich. There's a reason. Read the famos little book, “The Road to Wellville,” in each package. Ina Pinch, use ALLENS FOOT-EASE. COULDN’T BE BEAT. Customer—“ | want a dozen eggs and they must be the very best.” Storekeeper—* Well, mum, these eggs can't be beat. Customer—1 don’t want them, then. I was going to make frosting.” No tonic made equals Abbott's Angostura Bitters. Meets every requirement. At all druggists’. HANDS, Stella—'Is there any truth in the re- ported merger of George and Mabel ?” Bella— At present they have simply formed a holding company.”—New York Sun, THE HAIR IN EVIDENCE. Two women in a Connecticut town ap- peared before the justice of the peace to make charges, but the judge couldn't make out who was the aggressor and who the victim in the brawl had that evi- dently taken place. When he called or evidence, one of the women held up a handful of hair, which she declared had been pulled out of her head by the other woman. But the other woman immedi- ately held up a bigger handful of hair pulled out of her own head. The justice gave the matter a few moments of deep thought, and then smilingly delivered the following opinion: “I think you two have been punished enough, and if you will just give back the hair you have each unlawtully taken, that ought to settle the trouble.” via eyes es * Tone postal aad Tl pend it FREE by peers ale ci MM. OSTRANDER, ovo arth Amercan NEW AMSTERDA NATIONAL BAN NEW YORK CITY Depository of the United States, the State of New York and the City of New York. Capital, $500,000.00 Surplus, $500,000.00 R. R. Moore, President. C. W. Morse, Vice-President, G. J. Baumann, Cashier. JG, Hemerich, Aust, Cashier. NEW AMSTERDAM SAFE DEPOSIT COMPANY VAULTS Broadway and 39th Street. RYE Crop of 1892. Mellowed Repose in the Wood. It's Pure- That's Sure, SERVED AND SOLD EVERYWHERE. IN GLASS ONLY. New York & Kentucky Co. Sole Proprietor, THE “SOHMER"” HEADS THE LIST OF THE HIGHEST GRADE PIANOS SOHMER PIANOS Sohmer Building, Qisitin Sth Aven cor 24d St. carr 2? Fis an piston omiramis 2 2 in Jonding At Tally Boe” Rubler-covered Holster ber Ver Parker, Stcarus & Sutin, 130 South St, Dept , Rew OUTCLASSED. The policeman living on Long island was feeling mighty proud as he told the crowd that jostled for his cigars that the boy was a “sixteen pound two ouncer.” Then a friend came along and broke the news that a youngster had just arrived down at his house. “ Give us the figures !" demanded the copper with a boast in his tone that said, * I've got you beat a mile.” “ Twenty-two pounds,” came the startling reply, and the policeman moved along. SAN FRANCISCO—Four Days from New York or Boston—By New York Central comicbooks.com