Judge, 1905-04-22 · page 8 of 20
Judge — April 22, 1905 — page 8: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This is a humorous Sherlock Holmes parody where a detective solves mysteries using deductive reasoning applied to absurd situations. The story involves James, a wealthy man who inherits millions, finding a mysterious egg with a message asking him to "find me" for a reward. The satire mocks Holmes's famous deductive method. The detective examines the egg's shell and confidently deduces elaborate details—the hen's origin, the shipping route from Delaware, even the owner's (Tessie's) wealth and character from her handwriting on the egg. The humor lies in applying hyper-rational deduction to completely mundane domestic objects, treating an ordinary egg as a crime-scene clue. This pokes fun at the wildly popular Holmes stories circulating in magazines like *Judge* during this era, exaggerating his detective methods to absurdist extremes. The reader is meant to laugh at how ridiculous such logical leaps become when applied to everyday life rather than actual mysteries.
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CHAPTER I AD NA BLUSTERY late after. )) hoon in January James «streetcorner itate, the vietin ot hopeless ete whe: ty shone invitingly trem the A halt nour later hin in the midst oof the exquisite Surroundings of confirmed tied self sutticny elorhood. James was hich be haw seon squat 1 ‘Then an uncle an Australia died ov 1 him another fortune of twenty-tse mullion dollars, Bat James gota tidy legaey of twelve and a hall nuthon dolls trem her estate. 1 wasn't mineh, but i sul je hime ever until a vall property ty bis gerandtather was wotttabte His ot his several tor that he hud aesettied income of two hunde nl thirty-four thensaned dollers a year tired frome society te five ine the hall bedroom here we wow tine hin James clipped bis dried beef and fe when something caught his eye Stopped. "Then be whistled and sat the reyuurdinge the eqge with Aoortot Lisennition. And well he might, for fon the egg. written inc neat feminine hand, were the swords, © Find me and you ean have fee! me ans have rnd. Gasg ied that tor han ly assumed a new aspect CHAPTER UW The reader wil not be interested to know 11 at fom aud the life of James Hoa avn Jones at the very mo tent he discovered the remarkable eye. “The only reason t W can assign is the mere f Hock Holness the greatest into the Not that [desired too the egg for, tomy trained eye, it had: been plain from the first ylinee that such « course would be hazardous, It was a cold-storay Took up the fragile thing. and examined it carefully, and then told James to ore cab to be at the door at eleven o'clock. CHAPTER HL call While waiting tort I unfolded to Ia hich at one te touch 4 Poen James some eg his tongue to the she satis hin that it was a eoldest inked: him to note the evenness of outline ane absence ot bu That,” P said, shows the net tre, By the nativity of this s eyes with surprise trom Dela caine Ml you can pantry of ts birth is cath wily, Jacking in abrupt or mountainous scenery, sad lying lose to the seashore, “This eye was Shipped by water and banded at pier eleven, Kast river, in the early days of last: Qcto- ber James. © T can heep along with this, but you have got to slow pa litte, Pay out your tine more yewlual like * Nothing difheult about it, James,” fre plied. © TP yget the country trem the shell s stance. “The unpicturesque shape telly the level geographic prospeet spread be fore the eye ot the hen that bad: the ' Hothis eyye bad been railroad ed it would have disturbed to look say Oetober 13th. look sand early Octo ber, Come aygun, E wvoulel Here James broke in again, but Ftold him te shut up. ‘Time vnd Peould Teale of the ess precious, toa deductions. his attention to the eleanne Hohad been shed bet Linge, and badd the nicely-Lundered look that betokens careful housewitery, showing that bis future wile would be ao most tidy and painstaking person, ‘That ‘Tessie was twenty-one, sp: of form, beantitul of feature, and worth sixty two million dollars, deduced: partly fi mostly trom the handwrit Uns time the cab arrived and we went down James exclaiming as he followed, Old man you are a wonder! CHAPTER IV, Twas just atter midmight when we were set down at the entrance of an imposing: ville overlooking the Hudson, bavhispered to the cabman a tew words, drove away, while James and 1 er «clump ot bushes that Few just inside way, We tout hardly quieted the beating of our hearts, atter making ambush, betore a carriage whithed up to: the discharged its tare and rolled away, cand a seeond hater a comely young woman in furs, her free shes ty plainly in the moonlight, came under t wreboand started in the direction of the hotse My resolution was instantly taken, and: furly thooggging, James, Leompelled him to assist me ' young women and matile het with hee tur hat she coukd not ery oat, With . {surprised me, old hand that 1 Tcarried the girl into SHERLOCK HOLMES OUTDONE— ROMANCE OF A COLD-STORAGE EGG. the street and 1 follow much as raisin bandied her inte th cab, James were otf without se ¢ dog-bark: CHAPTER V. Fconfess that for a moment after entering the house with our charming, captive my heart faled me, James was near collapse. ‘The ye lady herself came te our relief ina way please this kin ot bre hat Surprised me. She lovked about the _ Will you un indebted for all i, then at us, smiled tell me to whom I + My dear young lady," [ replied, © since you resorted to such a navel m Histngy tora husband, E have taken the liberty hy a mneth F picker MeWhitthe 2 1 exclaimed, eygeg, te abe troduced Ma, Jamies Hone She tool ty novel as Stepping, over to the table up the + Tessie oy hane her the And Tin down Jones answer te that ty this, the egg, looked at ta moment, then burst inte such cc mirthtal, ring hang that the situation cleared st once, and [real ied that success had crowned my work. CHAPTER VI James and ‘Tessie sill be married next The I spent week welding-dinner will be a study last evening, with the happy up the fragile thing and examined it carefully. couple, and tor the hundredth time they Deyyged me te explain the marvelons way in Stran, which F had br Jt thea tose Su slow to follow the reason at detectives, fsa eame trom Dehavare, and ky that her a was ‘Tessie, there was really Very lithe more that a great detective would need to know. I een a personal note in the papers that very day that Miss Tessie MeW aittle of Surfside, Delaware, was stop: ping at the villa and that she would: attend ite Thad to, trom Delaware the theatre with «party thar risk there Hone Tesi The date of the arrival ot the ege at the pier, Oetober 13th, was avery sample matter, By wostudy of the egg trade-currents E knew this specimen bad been caught inthe early: tall word, and Ey I trom the movement nort nents alreany referred to that the figure 13 would be quite appropriate. My ealeulations Went astray in-one particular only, “Tes i proved to be worth sixty-one million two hun dred an thousand dollars instead of sty ty-two million dollars. “This annoyed me until Tiiscovered t Anil e Man Ege when the eur happened: betor PEKIN WAREROK comicbooks.com