Judge, 1905-03-25 · page 7 of 18
Judge — March 25, 1905 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three separate humorous pieces typical of late 19th/early 20th-century American satire: **"An Old Salt's Observations"** (top): A folksy narrator shares absurdist anecdotes—including one where a man hunts storks after learning his wife is having twins (referencing the "stork delivers babies" myth), and another about a vain woman whose romantic triumph is undone when a bee stings her nose, causing her rival to win instead. The humor relies on rural dialect and ironic reversals of expectations. **"The Difference"** (bottom): A brief joke about wedding etiquette. Two guests debate why the bridegroom isn't called "the best man"—the punchline being he cannot be "the best man because he is going to be the bossed man," implying marriage means losing independence. The satire targets American pretension, romantic vanity, and marital dynamics common to the era's humor. The crude woodcut illustrations and heavy dialect are characteristic of Judge's style during this period.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
AN OLD SALT’S OB- SERVATIONS. NCE there was a nation the entire population of which consisted of wise men, Within a year they started schools of foolish- ness to break up the mo- notony. Yes," said the father who had just learned that it was twins; "1 allus knew that that there bird was a plumb nuisance, but now it’s got to be exterminated.” 7 havin’ cleaned his an’ loaded it with six slugs, he start. ed out a-huntin’ storks, Ain't it funny the dif. ference there is between s jest a minute,” when it means the time that’s to clapse before the powder- hey you're settin’ on blows up. an’ when it means the weary hours you've tt There was the who heard) that Englishman had He cabled to him instantly, say- lost « thousand pounds, in’ in bis messay know how much you w xreat loss. il pay you weil to show in my continuous performance Once there was a woman full of pride and gorgeous with beauty, Her life's ambition was the winnin’ of a cert ed before your loss of flesh; this Jiu Jitzu they're makin’ sech a fus: > them furria dukes from Chi y? . de old feller wuz 3! but, even if man of high to be the bossed You hav rd A JARRER.* in’ ter escape from jail.”” y er Japan, er some'rs.”” «The bridegroom degree. She had some rivals. Finally she says to them, says she, * Back to the woods! You are un- done! [have the Johnnie cinched!" An’ she told ‘em what the situation was. Then, weepin’, they admit- ted that she was allan’ more than all to the real U triumph c doodled on her banners, an’ that that night would see the certain finish of every- body in the game but her, But durin’ the early evenin® —an hour betore he come to see her * propose —a little bumblebee lit upon her Grecian nose an’ stung. it deep. The man, who had come to beg her to be his'n, gazed in deep amazement at her facial pivot an’ ted to the tall timber with the smallest. an’ least likely of her rivals, Moral Never count a situation as bein’ all your own until you've felt real cautiously of both its ends. kowany mawsnae, THE DIFFERENCE. 66] NEVER could under. stand,” whispers the first. wedding-guest it is that the bri “why gFOON Is, not called the best man instead of the other fellow getting that com- you was a giant, you must be the thinnest man on earth now after your plimentary title, "t been very observant,” replies the second wedding n't be the best man because he is going ar’ floral plece at old Muiligan’s funeral kind uv jar yer?” comicbooks.com