Judge, 1905-01-14 · page 7 of 16
Judge — January 14, 1905 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three separate anecdotes from "An Old Salt's Observations"—humorous stories told by a sailor character. The satirical points are: **"Henry Getting Economical"**: A mother complains her son Henry demands money for an automobile, calling it extravagant. Henry justifies it as *economy*—the car will save him trolley fare from college. The satire mocks absurd logic that masks wasteful spending as thrift; an automobile was a luxury expense in the early auto era, far exceeding transit costs. **"A Difficulty Solved"**: A shipwrecked couple drifts for two weeks. When the wife finally weeps, it's not from despair but because their storage cupboard lacks a padlock—she fears valuables might be stolen. The satire ridicules misplaced priorities and obsessive materialism even in life-threatening situations. **"A Difficulty Solved" (second anecdote)**: A prisoner complains receiving punishment for one temptation while seeing no reward for resisting thousands. Satire criticizes justice systems' apparent inconsistency in moral accountability. The page employs working-class dialect and vernacular speech typical of Judge's humor targeting middle-class pretension and illogical human behavior.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
AN OLD SALT’S OBSERVATIONS. has to learn how to bow with gp cight mouths to fill at home an’ the doctor's bill to pay + At first,” says my wife to me, “she thought that he was a demi-god.” An’ 1 asks. ; she found wasn’t he says my wif out later that he was adem es john.” 41, y } i 1] 5 I knew a sick man FZ h Pp Ml fl 2 / LL who'd been cured Y} n’ then committed suicide bee there wasn't anythin’ of i terest for him to read —p: ent medicine advertisem ats havin’ lost their charm I knew a man who cherished the recollection of his jiltin’s as his sweetest an’ most precious memories. Well,” HENRY GETTING SONOMICAL. says he when [expressed surprise about Mother, Henry writes thet he has ter have money right away fer to git an autymobile.”* ‘ seall with pride an‘ happi Lan es! what does he mean by sech extravagance ? i youre can WU PETE ana pe! Extravagance? L ter me like it's the fust time he ever hed enny idee ‘bout economy. He says he hess your own escapes from shipwreck 2" lives so fer from the college he wants it ter save car-fare.” A DIFFICULTY SOLVED. somewhere where you will be sk God for your own supe I know lots of folks that does that way only most of ‘em don't always make quite sin of their solitude beforehand, My wife an’ | was driftin® in an open boat, havin’ been shipwrecked an’ bein’ the sole survivors of the episode, We hadn't seen a sail for fourteen days, an’ L was marvelin’ at her tortitude an’ cheerfulness, Dut suddenly she broke out er un’ when Lasked her what the matter was said she wept be- cause there wan't no padlock on the lithe cupboard in the stern, where we had stowed what valuables we'd saved, She was dead afraid that some one EVER put otf till to-mor- lve been absolutely unable to get a crew for love or money FOR TTe: ppeiple You caw little paint “Il fix thot lo towlay » There's one trouble with your justice,” says the pris'ner to the judge.“ L git it in the neck for yieldin’ to this one temptation, but [ain't seen no large rewards a-co or the ten thousand times ten thou sand that [ve earnestly sisted Storms don’t always do se much damage as the saleguarels we take nst ‘em, There clone-cellar when he saw a cloud rise in the west. The cloud was nothin’ in the world but smoke from Si Brown's burnin’ pig -sty, but the ey- clone-cellar caved in an’ killed the man What's the use of tellin’ a man he a t to have more vense He would if he could. n dat boat, boss!" “Ah wants ter go down on her! Abi wuk The best way 's jest to yo fo' nuffin comicbooks.com .