Judge, 1904-12-31 · page 6 of 21
Judge — December 31, 1904 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from Judge (dated July 4-11-44, likely **1904** based on the Russo-Japanese War reference) contains satirical war dispatches and humorous domestic sketches. **"FROM THE SEAT OF WAR"** mocks the Russo-Japanese War with absurdist fictional dispatches. References to "Port Arthur," "Admiral Sinkovitch," and "General Koffishedoff" are invented names satirizing Russian military incompetence. The joke is that official war reports are so ridiculous and contradictory that completely fabricated ones seem plausible—ships blown up to "mislead the Japanese," hospitals mistaken for the Swiss navy. **Domestic humor sketches** below include: - A bald man hiding a ballet-girl photograph from his wife (marital deception) - A smoker's romantic ode to pipe-smoking - A husband whose wife fires china (violent domestic discord played for laughs) - Rural dialect humor about a wife wanting a new hat after seven-and-a-half years The satire targets military bureaucratic absurdity and Victorian-era marital tensions, reflecting early 20th-century anxieties about war and gender relations.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
FROM THE SEAT OF WAR. (<> ACHOO, July 4-11-44 (delayed in transmission).—Refugees arriving here in Chinese > — junkets say that the situation at Port Arthur is critical. The intense cold has con- tracted all the heavy artillery into small arms. c Three weeks ago Admiral Sinkovitch blew up all the ships in the harbor, in order to mislead the Japanese as to his actual fighting strength. Early in November Chinese bandits tore large holes in the Russian lines. Since then General Koffishedoff has been kept busy filling the chinks with lead. The grand duke Borealis, who was half shot during one of the recent engage- ments, is doing well for the grand duke. He has been decorated with the cross of the hot bun, third order. : Gibraltar (via Newark, New Jersey).—Admiral Vodkavhiski, passing through here with the arctic fleet, explained his recent bombardment of a hospital on the ground that he mistook it for the Swiss navy, owing to the striking similarity of the : red-cross flag to that of Switzerland. As an expression of regret, two sailors and a cook, who deserted shortly after the lamentable occurrence, have been dismissed from the service. A SMOKER'S JOY. NOMEET RUDD WHITING. | SMOKE my pipe gayly to make the time whizz ; I smoke it for pleasure, I smoke it for IMPOSSIBLE, $+ A MAN should hide nothing from his wife,” declares the social reformer. od “He can't,” moodily observes a bald-headed man, nervously feeling in his pocket for the phuto- 4, as ve to see the smoke ri se, graph of the ballet-girl. zephyr-fanned ; It’s biz to digest the dear lovely beef and. Oh, quick it digests in a couple of whifts ‘The toughest beefsteak and the gaunt hippogrifis, And gay hoodle-doodles that in the smoke writhe Enliven my spirit and make me most blithe. So while my digestion 's made sound in a breath, And while my old fancy is tickled to death, T'll just swear to one thing, which is, never fear, T'll not swear off smoking on this glad new year. A FIRST-CLASS SHOT. Guest (admiringly) —"So your wife painted all this lovely china?” Mr. Naggs—" Oh, y Guest (interestedly)—" And is she successful in firing it?” Mr. Naggs (instinctively dodging)—* Oh, perfectly! Maria seldom misses anything.” ‘TRANSFERRED, THE IDEA! HE removed her hat at the theatre, Esenezer Stricx—"‘ Howdy, Si? How's all ther folks?" mGagh abe ois dbslaclised< St Hampcer—" All right; only maw—she’s complainin’ ag’in.”” ug 2 Se was Cane Esenezer Stricc—'* What's thet—got ther rheumatiz ag'in?”’ But though the hat was off her head St Hawpteyr—" Nope; worse'n thet. She wants a new hat—only hed this one seven an’ a half years, tew."" It still was on her mind. MAMMA'S NEW AUTO COSTUME. Bossy (reading)—"** An’ jest as th ed black ogre, with ran eyes, raised frig taper the doce 6 creat. Ug Hetttey comicbooks.com