Judge, 1904-12-24 · page 7 of 16
Judge — December 24, 1904 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This Judge magazine page contains three distinct pieces: **"An Old Salt's Observations"**: A sailor's rambling monologue about life observations—women's silence being preferable to their talk, the sea's moods, and a cautionary tale about a doctor who accidentally swapped medicines between two patients (one with consumption, one with lockjaw). The humor relies on crude gender stereotyping and period medical ignorance. **"The Wise Sick Man"**: A brief comic exchange where a dying man tries explaining his will to his lawyer, who dismissively assures him he'll "get it"—a dark joke about inheritance and the lawyer's indifference. **"The Biter Bitten"**: A four-panel comic strip showing a fox attempting to trap and eat squirrels in a tree, but ultimately being attacked by them. The title's wordplay refers to the predator becoming the prey—a simple slapstick moral about comeuppance. The overall page reflects early 20th-century satirical humor: misogynistic observations, dark comedic scenarios, and slapstick animal comics typical of Judge's editorial approach.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
AN OLD SALT’S OBSER- VATIONS. 64 AIN'T she got the sweetest voice!" I says to my wife about another woman. “Why,” says my wife, “she didn’t say a word!" «That's what I mean,"I says. An’ then my wife (she’s prone, herself, to copious conversation) got mad. I've seen the sea when it was gray, deceitful, crouchi then it was like a cat. I've seen it roarin’, rampant, terri- ble; then it was like a lion. I've seen it soft, dreamy, beau- tiful and kind ; then it was like a woman. P.s,—For a squall could rise in less ‘n twenty minutes. I knew a man whose wife kicked reg'lar ev'ry mornin’ because she had to tie his neck- tie for him, But after he had gone an’ paid a barber fifty cents to give him lessons an’ had learned, she wrecked their home through jealousy, bein’ suspicious that some other wo- man taught him. On one v'yage I rescued castaways from two desert is- lands. On one of ‘em was one woman an’ thirty-seven men, AUYONoANLE oo MLL cane FLFITHIAN » 1994s One suffered from consumption an’ the other was beginnin’ to have lockjaw. of ‘em. He dosed each After he had left ‘em he looked hard at the bottles he had dosed ‘em out of. Sud- denly he yells like fury, «I've got to git some poison of con- sumption from the Brown chap an’ give it to Jones quick, an’ draw some lockjaw juice from Jones an’ pump it into Brown !" he says. “I've gone an’ mixed them serums up! Mercy !"he exclaims to the surroundin’ air, “it would kill the phthisis chap if | should cure him of the lock- jaw, an’ that feller that’s got tetanus would die if I should cure him of consumption.” It cost him some hard thinkin’ to figger out how he could give each chap the disease that he'd been treated for by his mistake, so that the medicine he'd give him would cure instead of kill, an’ then, after that, he had to begin again an’ cure them of their new complaints as well as of their old ones. But he knew how to do it, an’ would have done it if they hadn't died. RDWARD MARSHALL, ‘THE WISE SICK MAN. HE sick man had called his lawyer. “I wish to ex: plain again to you,” said he weakly, “about willing my property "— The attorney held up his hand reassuringly. said he. “Leave that all to me.” The sick man sighed resigned “J suppose I might as well “ You'll get it, any IF SHE DID? “Does Newlywed get much pleasure out of his auto?” “Oh, yes. His wife doesn't know he's got it yet."* The woman had seven trunks of finery ashore, but she was dressed in faded calico. On the other island there was thirty-seven women an’ one man. They was all togged out in the very best they had an’ searchin’ round for new material. After I've seen this no one needn't say to me that it's the men the women dress for. Modern science is real marvelous. ness is real great for doctors. “There, there !" For instance, this serum busi- I know one. He had two patients. aid he, turning upon his pillow, Tue rox—Umph! I'l! just curl up under this tree and starve “em down," Ma Souirre.—" You gnaw that ——Now, he will feel something side of the icicle, son. — —Hooray! Guess. Foxle forgot drop. that we were fox squirrels,”” THE BITER BITTEN.