Judge, 1904-12-17 · page 36 of 48
Judge — December 17, 1904 — page 36: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several distinct satirical pieces reflecting early 1900s American class and social anxieties: **"The Classes and the Masses"** (Martha Young) presents a Black servant's dialect commentary on social hierarchy. The satire critiques how post-emancipation economic mobility has inverted traditional class structures—wealthy "quality" families have declined while the newly moneyed "commonality" now dominate, destabilizing established social order that the magazine's presumably upper-class readers valued. **"His Christmas Dream"** depicts sailors' harsh realities through dark humor: a sailor's elaborate fantasy of shore leave, family, and advancement ends with the grim punchline of frostbite—poverty and suffering are inescapable. **"The Self-Approving"** and the convict piece mock pretension: men who congratulate themselves on minor distinctions, and a prisoner ironically claiming attachment to his chains. The **Cupid poem** offers lighter romantic content. Throughout, Judge satirizes social pretension, class anxiety, and the gap between aspiration and brutal reality in Gilded Age America.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
es (KK FE REE ee — These two little birds on an icicle sit, And sing happy songs while the flakes ‘round them flit; They're sparrows, that's why their joy nothing can stem— The winter and summer's the same thing to them. THE CLASSES AND THE MASSES AT Chris'mas my ole mistis she Give three dinin's, don't you see? She give de invites all to me ; I carry ‘round on de nag Baubee. De fust us ax was de quality Got blue blood and ancestry ; Nex’ us bid de bob-quality— Dem what ain't, but'd like to be. Las’ us call de commonality — Plain folks ‘dout no trimmin’s—see? Can't talk "bout what uscter be, Des got nottin’ but raw money. But la! dese days since nigger is free De ones on top 's de commonality ; Nex’ in line de bub-quality ; But de fine ole quality—whar is he? MARTHA YOUNG. HIS CHRISTMAS DREAM. HEARD two sailors talkin’ on Christmas eve, when we was beatin’ ag'inst a strong head wind with ice six inches thick on every- thing aboard except our tempers, which would have frozen if they hadn't been so hot. * What'll you have in your stockin’ to-mor- row mornin'?” asks one of th’ other. “Why,” th’ other chap remarks, kind of slow and specu- latively, lettin’ his imagination have full play, «1 reckon that I'll have a receipted bill for three months’ board ashore in a good hotel where they've got hot stoves. in ev'ry room. I'll have a lovin’ wife who'll keep warm arms around my neck. I reckon that I'll have cash good and plenty to let me stay ashore for three whole months. I reckon that I'll have a fine new set of good store clo'es. I reckon that I'll have some sort of paper which will fix it when I go to sea ag’in so that I'll be mas- ter instead of foremast hand. I reckon that I'll"—— «Hold on, there!” said th’ other chap. “1 mean what will you re'dly have?” “Oh, re‘lly,” said the sailor who had been dreamin’ dreams, “1 snow what there'll be a-nestlin’ in my stockin’ Christ- mas mornin’.” ** What?” asks his companion. * Five frost-bit toes,” remarks the sailor. THE SELF-APPROVING. 64 MAN is. differentiated from the other animais,” declar- ed the man-who-knows-so-many- things-that-are-not-so, “by his thumb.” “So?” responded the man- who-makes-observations-of-his- own,“ I thought it was by his chest.” DESPITE all we hear about the door always being open to ability, it is usually the man who knocks the hardest that gets on the inside. COPrALGMT 1904 BY JUDGE COMPANY PUBLISHERS, 226 FOURTH AVE. MEW YORK Ob, Cupid is welcome through- out the whole year: When May-time is distant and Christmas is near. Fate’s happiest agent, he comes at all dates, In auto and air-ship, on wings and on skates. 46 | SUPPOSE;” said the sympathetic visitor, «1 suppose that you will leave this place without a sigh 2” « Yes, mum,” replied the convict; “I spose [ won't shed any tears. And yet, lady, I am very strongly attached to tnese old gray walls.” And he rattled his chains reflectively. Sachem b Wiihelins Lins & Pig Co Newer comicbooks.com