Judge, 1904-12-17 · page 22 of 48
Judge — December 17, 1904 — page 22: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This Judge magazine page contains three satirical pieces with period-specific humor: **"A Martyr"** depicts a exhausted parent walking an inconsolable teething infant through the night, fearing the noise will alert Santa to skip their house. It's domestic comedy about infant sleep deprivation. **"Her Opinion"** satirizes a newlywed wife who contradicts herself on her husband's smoking—rejecting cigarettes for health, pipes for odor, cigars for cost, then criticizing him for quitting altogether as "unmanly." The joke mocks women's unreasonable expectations and nagging wives, a common Judge theme. **"A Fable"** references someone named "Shepp" (unclear who without publication date context) getting metaphorically defeated for overreach, using a dog-and-ox story as moral lesson. **"A Christmas Fancy"** is romantic verse about mistletoe above a beloved's head. **"At Three A.M."** shows Santa asking households to keep their chimneys clear for Christmas Eve—mild holiday humor. The artwork throughout uses period illustration styles typical of early-20th-century American humor magazines.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
A MARTYR. 'Y WALKING cannot do the trick Of putting little Tom to sleep, Although upon the double quick My pace throughout the night I keep. His high notes fairly crack my brain And fill my spirit with despair, Until I fairly rock with pain And yearn to pull my golden hair. It's his first tooth that makes him yell Until the shingles all are loose, And my fine thoughts are thrashed pell-mell Till I fly like the Christmas goose And fancy if this squalling shall Not stop, old Santy in the snow, Will hear the blooming madrigal And past our dwelling swiftly go. HER OPINION. #¢ CIGARETTES is awful for your health, my dear,” remarks a young wife unto her bridegroom. “All right,” says he; “I'll smoke a pipe.” “Oh, no,” says she; “a pipe would smell the rooms all up. Well, then,” says he, “I'll smoke cigars.” “My dear /* she then exclaims, “cigars cost too much money !” “Of course they do,” says he, still anxious for to please her. “So I'll stop smokin’ altogether." “Don't do that,” says she, “or my brothers they will think that you ain't manly! I guess, maybe, after all, you'd better stick to cigarettes." And that chap is now a-wonderin’ if it’s his health that she calsses as bein’ least” important of all things. A FABLE, NCE upon a time there was a dog lying in a manger, on a bale of new-mown pig-weeds. Just as he was dozing off to sleep an ox intruded, whereupon the dog growled savagely and snapped at the ox’s nose. Simultaneously the ox became infuriated and gored the dog clear out of the manger, “Ah,” said the dog as he went away yelping with pain, “ you are too big to lie in the manger yourself, and you will not let any one else lie in Moral—This fable teaches us that Shepp got it in the neck. Santa—* On, excuse me! AT THREE A. M. A CHRISTMAS FANCY. She is so very lovely, So dainty and divine, So tricksy and so graceful And generally fine, That 1, dream-haunted, fancy, By rosy rapture led, The mistletoe’s sweet mission 's To blow above her head. ‘TRUTH may be stranger than fiction, but itis not nearly so convincing. But, say, young folks, {t seems you might leave the track clear one night in the year for me, any way.”” comicbooks.com